Guest Posts, healing

Confessions of an Imperfect Life.

November 9, 2012

This is another follow-up post to The “What Happens When You Admit Out Loud That You Are Scared” post by my anonymous blogger. If you haven’t read it yet, click here and read it before you proceed.

Ok, now we can proceed.

She is no longer anonymous. Her name is Katie Devine. And, based on the outpouring of love and support she has started her very own blog called Confessions of an Imperfect Life.

 

I asked her how it felt to have been so open and vulnerable and this is what she said…

Two weeks ago, after an amazing Manifestation retreat in Ojai, I sent Jen an email expressing my frustrations about not being able to open my heart fully at the retreat–or in my everyday life. It revealed feelings I had never expressed, in words I had never written or spoken out loud. Jen posted it anonymously on her blog, asking the question “What Happens When You Admit Out Loud You Are Scared?”. It was my heart, raw, open and exposed.

So here’s what happens, if you’re me:

PANIC: Holy crap, what did I just do?!?! What is everyone going to think?

(Immediately after)

RELIEF: I don’t have to keep this all inside. I don’t have to be “strong”. I don’t have to be alone.

(Immediately after that)

SUPPORT. COMPASSION. EMPATHY. I am NOT alone.

LOVE.

LOVE.

LOVE.

The outpouring from strangers, from friends is almost overwhelming. People I have never met offering hope, insight, hugs, and love has humbled me. I could never have imagined the kindess of strangers would turn towards me in such a powerful way. It has, quite literally, changed my life.

The other thing I have learned from this experience? Not everyone understands. Some friends I have opened up to prefer fun Katie, who entertains with crazy stories, and doesn’t cry at dinner in the middle of a restaurant. Who are uncomfortable knowing that there is another layer buried beneath. And it’s sad. But then there are the friends who know to hug you while you are crying at dinner, admitting that you have problems with food and you still can’t even really say the words out loud, who make you feel like it just might be worth it.

This is just my first step. I have started blogging to try to work through some of these issues, but I have not yet shared my blog with many of my closest friends or any of my family members. I haven’t even been able to post a link to my Facebook yet. I’m working towards living more openly with everyone in my life. I will get there.

 So what happens when you admit out loud that you are scared? As one reader so astutely and eloquently offered “life softens”. And it has. Conversations have gone deeper, interactions are more thoughtful. Not having my guard up all the time has given my head the space to really listen, my heart the room to really love, and my soul the freedom to begin to heal.

Thank you. For encouragement, for acceptance, for advice, for love. I read every reply many, many times and have imprinted them on my brain and on my heart forever. I hope that I can someday impact someone else’s life the way each of you have impacted mine.

Please connect with Katie and follow her blog here.

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  • Reply Charlene November 9, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Love this post Katie. Brave, honest, beautifully strong and human. BFA in action!

    • Reply Katie D November 9, 2012 at 5:00 pm

      Love you Charlene!!! xx

  • Reply Stephanie Neutze November 9, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Goosebumps!!!!

  • Reply Elle November 12, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    It is SO SCARY to put yourself out there! I didn’t tell my friends and family I had a blog until I had been writing it for a year! I didn’t even tell them I started a business until I had two paying customers!

    Somehow it’s easier to be yourself around strangers. The good news though is that the fear is unwarranted. Both times I received nothing but support.

    Congrats on a new more daring, more authentic you! It’s going to be far more amazing than you think!

  • Reply Kelly D November 18, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    All my life I have looked up to Katie, or Kate, as I tend to call her. My big sister, the one I always wanted to be like.
    Kate-you have always been so talented at everything. You were always a star in my eyes. But I dont think I have ever been as proud of you as I am now. You write with such power and your words flow so brilliantly. You have brought me to tears with your courage and honesty. I can remember growing up, I would often brag about you. As if your accomplishments somehow had something to do with me. One thing has never changed through the years….I love you more than you could ever know and I am so proud of everything you are; and who you are. I feel like I am learning more about you with every piece of writing you write and with each visit home. I look forward to reading more and hope that you will let me give you the biggest hug when you come home.
    Love,
    Kelly

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