By Amber Sparks
Should I smile?
I should smile. That was a compliment – it’s polite to smile. It doesn’t take any effort.
God, I hate that other people are looking at me now. I feel like I have to respond. Are they trying to figure out what looks good? Are they judging me? 5 out of 10 stars? Nice ass, softish stomach, teeth need work?
Maybe just a little smile. A no-teeth smile. A thanks but stay away smile.
I smile too much. That’s what the women in my life tell me. Stop smiling so much. You don’t owe that smile to anybody. Stop giving it away.
I can say I have a husband (true) and a baby (true). I can say I’m taken.
But that’s bullshit. I don’t belong to any man, including my husband. I’m not “taken.” If you respect me because I’m wearing a ring then you’re just respecting another man’s property. You’re not respecting me. I should say this. I should make this shit known.
But I don’t want them to think I’m a bitch. What if they were just being nice? I was raised to be a nice person. Polite. It doesn’t hurt to smile.
I do look good today. I like this dress. I’ve lost some weight and my hair looks good. I did my makeup today. They’re just seeing that, you know? Seeing the effort I put in. I should be validated, right?
But this effort is for me, not for other people. This is just for me.
Am I a bitch? Continue Reading…