CW: This essay discusses miscarriage.
By Anna Burgess Yang
Dear Baby,
This is it. The day before you will be born.
I sometimes feel guilty for my feelings toward you over the past nine months. Detachment, fear, anxiety… that these will hurt you in some unforeseen way in the future.
How could I avoid these feelings? When we lost your sister, Nelle, at 21 weeks of pregnancy, I thought that I would split open with grief. We had no answers as to what happened – why I inexplicably lost a baby after two previous uneventful pregnancies with your older brothers. Without any reason, we were told that we could try again right away. Then we lost your sister, Iris, not even six months later. Going through labor and delivery, twice, to give birth to your sisters when they had already left the world were the worst experiences of my life. It traumatized me. Continue Reading…