Browsing Tag

on being human

Grief, Guest Posts, healing, The Aleksander Fund

To My Sweet Baby Girl, After Her Death.

October 31, 2017

 

By Dannielle Gallagher

CW: This post discusses infant death. To learn more about The Aleksander Fund or to donate please click here.

To my Sweet Baby Girl, Poppy:

The minute I discovered I was pregnant I knew you were girl, just like I knew we would be the best of friends – that is after you outgrew some of that fire you inherited from your Daddy. I knew I loved you more than I ever thought possible, all before you were the size of a pea. I knew that you would grow to be brave and strong and determined. I knew that you would grow to also “know” things in that same deep down way that I sometimes do. I felt that about us, that we belonged to each other, right from the very start.

 

What I didn’t know, was as you grew inside my belly (and my heart) you were sick. You see as you were growing, your tiny heart didn’t form quite right. There was a little valve inside it that wouldn’t close, so as you grew from a tiny seed into our beautiful little Poppy, your heart became too large to fit into your chest, it expanded to squash the organs that would make it possible for you to ever take a breath. Your official diagnosis took up most of a page, it started with your heart, compounded with a series of devastating complications, and ended with three serious looking specialists in an ultrasound room, telling us that your condition was “not compatible with life.” Those words will haunt me, always. The moment I learned that I wouldn’t get to watch you grow into the extraordinary woman I dreamed of, was excruciating. It was also only just the beginning of my heartache. Your diagnosis also came with a recommendation of medical termination.

I won’t say I didn’t have a choice, because I did, but ultimately every option I was presented with still ended in your death. So I picked the option that sucked the least, the one that I thought I could best live with. I made the decision to love you enough to let you go in peace, surrounded by those who love you most in this world. It wasn’t a choice I wanted to make, but I made it, because sometimes being a Mother means doing what is best for your child, even though it breaks your heart to do it. I want you to know that If I could have chosen to have you live a healthy and full life, I would have given everything to give you that. Its devastating to know that even with all of the medical miracles we have in this day and age, there wasn’t a miracle big enough to save you.

Continue Reading…

The Manifestation Workshop: On Being Human. In Aruba!

April 29, 2017

The Manifestation Workshop- On Being Human

Join Jen Pastiloff in her signature workshop and see why she sells out with a wait-list everywhere.

A yoga workshop that’s not just about yoga (and can sometimes be NOT about yoga at all). A writing workshop for struggling writers, to-be writers, and non-writers. A dance party and a sing along for dancers, singers, klutzes, tone deaf, and deaf and hard of hearing singers. A trust and love circle. A place to make shit happen. A workshop for humans.

All levels welcome. Expect to flow, sweat, sing, write, dance and laugh and share out loud as you let go of what is no longer serving you.

Please note: There will be much laughter. Maybe a few tears. It’s been known to change lives.
Bring an open heart. Expect to go beyond your comfort zone. Come see why Jen travels around the world with this workshop. Bring journal/open heart/sense of humor. This experience is about life: unpredictable, sometimes messy, beautiful, human.

Teacher: Jen Pastiloff
Date: Saturday 29th April, 2017
Time: 9AM – 12PM
$60 PER PERSON (Excl. 3.5% Aruban tax)

Secure Your Spot.

Guest Posts, healing, Manifestation Retreats, Retreats/Workshops

The Aleksander Scholarship Fund.

October 17, 2016

If you want to donate,








 

or below:




 

I just got back from leading a retreat in Tuscany and it was as magical as you would imagine. But what made it even more so was that Julia Anderson was in attendance. Thank to you guys!

Let me back up. Julia is a reader of my site and follows me on social media. She had taken my yoga classes in Santa Monica years ago and then fell in love and moved to Norway but continued to follow me online. She posted on my Facebook in August that she needed to reach out to me desperately. Luckily my mom (God bless her) saw the message and told me, so I reached out to Julia. I didn’t know who she was. But I reached out despite having my screaming brand new baby in my arms.

And am I ever glad I did. You know how you have those Sliding Doors moments in life? Remember that movie? Where you realize things could’ve gone another way if you chose this door instead of that door. I mean, it’s always like that in life, but sometimes we are so keenly aware of a parallel life if we had chosen differently.

She was writing to me from the hospital in Norway. I started to read her email and called my husband over to take my baby Charlie.

She was writing from the hospital because she was 40 weeks pregnant and 6 days and was to be induced the next day. But her baby’s heart had stopped beating. I continued reading through my tears. Of course I was in shock that I was receiving this email since I didn’t remember her from my class. She told me that we were the same age, that in fact, we shared a birthday. She said she had met a Norwegian man and fallen in love. She said she was desperate and needed to know if I had any resources for her. She had been following my Facebook page for years and knew what kind of safe environment I had created and she had remembered seeing posts about one of my best friends, Emily Rapp Black, whose baby Ronan died from Tay Sachs a few years back. She remembered that and emailed me, before anyone else, from the hospital.

Standing there with my arms still warm from holding my son, I felt guilty and angry and devastated and I yearned for my boy back and I wanted to fly to Norway and I wanted to build a time machine to go back in time and induce her baby earlier and I panicked and I felt an ache like I had never felt before, an ache so profound that I felt like I was dying. I kept reading her words and wondered why some of us have to experience such pain in this life? I felt like I was slipping out of my body.

Hi Jen!
Thanks for getting back to me so fast. I have been following your posts for a few years. I know about your loss in the past, about Emily’s tradegy, and you write about loss sometimes. I lost my second baby at 40+6 today, less than 24 hours before induction tomorrow. His heart just stopped beating this afternoon. I feel so lost. if you have any advice for me on where to turn, what to read or anything I can do to find peace please let me know..

Continue Reading…

Guest Posts, Manifestation Retreats, Retreats/Workshops, travel

How To Manifest Under The Tuscan Sun With Jen Pastiloff.

October 15, 2016

First, discover Jennifer Pastiloff accidentally. This is after the boyfriend leaves, after the mom gets cancer, and after you start asking Is this all there is? Let her crack you open in a crowded Manhattan yoga studio, show her your broken heart, read to her your list of fears, and let her place a hand on your knee and lean in closer. You will sit like that for awhile, with her hand on your knee and all of your tears puddling on the mat. The woman next to you will place a hand on your back, someone will offer you a box of tissues, you’ll hear a voice nearby say It’s ok, I got you. You’ll find that this is what Jennifer creates: space to be heard, space to listen.

Fallinloveable. She’ll say in her deep and raw voice, That’s what you are. Fuck yeah. Completely Fallinloveable. She says it in a way that makes you believe it too. It happens just like that. Then, you laugh through the tears, something Jennifer calls “letting the snot fly”, and the feeling of connectedness will cocoon itself around you.

Months later, you might forget how fallinloveable you are and you’ll scroll through Jennifer’s Instagram feed searching for a reminder. She will be there telling you not to be an asshole, especially to yourself. She will post pictures of her retreat in Italy and you will sit at your desk every lunch period swiping over images of people laughing, drinking wine, and dancing. The pictures alone ignite something inside of you, you will call it hope. You decide to go despite a full-time job with little vacation time and your lack of money. Listen, because this part is important: start with willingness, even if you don’t know how you will ever get the time off of work or the money in the bank, begin with willingness to believe in possibility, willingness to be transformed. Trust me. The rest will take care of itself.

Then, something like this will happen:

You will arrive in a van filled with strangers. Driving down a narrow, dusty road in the Tuscan countryside, you’ll find yourself equal parts nervous and excited. As you pull up to the sprawling villa, all of you will promptly and unanimously decide that none of the photos do it justice. Jennifer will meet you in the main room outside of the kitchen and insist that you take a tour right that minute. Go. Drop all of your heavy bags and follow her.

In fact, that’s pretty much good life advice: Drop the heavy shit weighing you down and let Jennifer Pastiloff show you how to stand in awe and wonder.

You’ll find one perfect-for-napping-writing-and-manifesting-nook after another, a large, dimly lit wine cellar, a gym, and several uniquely beautiful bedrooms with wooden windows that open to postcard-worthy views. You can even see the rolling Tuscan hills from the bathrooms. Take a minute to really see all of the beauty and notice how even the air smells different, fresher, full of hope. Consider this practice because Jennifer will ask you to hunt for beauty all week. She won’t ask you to take yourself too seriously or even yoga for that matter. Actually, least of all yoga. But. She will ask you to listen, to say yes, to sit in your discomfort, and to sit in the discomfort of others. This is the work, she’ll say, not turning away from someone’s pain, from their vulnerability.

You will remember the box of tissues at your feet in the crowded Manhattan yoga studio, the warmth of a stranger’s hand on your heaving back. You will watch Jennifer untie knots in your new friends and you know what you will do? Put a hand on their back, hand them tissues, and tell them I got you. I got you.

This is what Jennifer creates: space. Safe, open space. She asks you only to bring your willingness and a journal. Then, she listens. She listens with no agenda and no judgement. This is why it all works. Because we all begin listening to one another simply to hear, to understand, to say I got you, I got you. Don’t get me wrong, there is as much laughter as there is crying, as many heartfelt secrets being shared as there are dirty jokes, for every long, beautiful hour of quiet, there is another of loud, magical conversation around the dinner table, there is as much dancing as there is … well, there is a lot of dancing.

So, if you are wondering if you should go, just go. You don’t need to go looking for transformation, you don’t need to be sad or lost or grieving to go. You, right now where you are, can be delighted with your life, you may be filled to the brink with gratitude. Go. Share it. Show up with what you have wherever you are and let Jennifer greet you at the door, take you by the hand, and say How unbelievable is this? You won’t know whether she is talking about the view or her hand in yours or this moment in your life and it won’t really matter anyway.

Go. I got you. We all do.

 

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Lexi Weber is a writer, certified health coach, and newbie World traveler. Currently, she is writing at home in Annapolis, Maryland, but she always has her suitcase packed and ready to go. You can find pictures of her latest travels and smoothie bowls on her Instagram account @_lexiweber_ and read more of her writing at lexiweber.com.

 

Join Jen Pastiloff in Tuscany June 17-24, 2016 by clicking the photo above. Please send an email to retreats@jenniferpastiloff.com letting us know why you would like to attend.

Join Jen Pastiloff in Tuscany June 17-24, 2016 by clicking the photo above and putting down a non-refundable deposit. Please send an email to retreats@jenniferpastiloff.com letting us know why you would like to attend.

 

Join Jen Pastiloff in Tuscany Sep 9-16, 2016. Please send an email to retreats@jenniferpastiloff.com letting us know why you want to attend. Click the photo above to put down your non-refundable deposit.

Join Jen Pastiloff in Tuscany Sep 9-16, 2016. Please send an email to retreats@jenniferpastiloff.com letting us know why you want to attend. Click the photo above to put down your non-refundable deposit.

Fall Tuscany Retreat.

September 26, 2015

Sep 26- Oct 3, 2015.

*Please send email to info@jenniferpastiloff.com letting us know why you want to attend. This is an intimate retreat. We can’t wait to have you! This is Jen’s 5th year doing Manifesting Under The Tuscan Sun!  Please note that Joe Longo will be leading meditations at this retreat and he will be our resident photographer. Check him out here.

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Please read this so you understand what Jen’s retreat is like.

And this.

Join Jennifer Pastiloff of Manifestation Yoga® on an excursion to Italy for some yoga, journaling & writing for all levels, delicious food, wine,

an occasional dance party, seeing the gorgeous countryside and whatever else your heart may desire. These classes are more than just Asana. There is writing/journaling and sharing outloud –It is not your typical yoga retreat. La Dolce Vita! Please read this before you send your email in

 

Ebbio is a magical place surrounded by an evergreen forest, nestled in the heart of an ancient volcano

that was sacred to the Etruscans. Located in the breathtaking countryside of Tuscany, it is only 42

km from Florence, 11 km from Siena, 9 km from Castellini in Chianti and 1km from Monteriggioni,

a little medieval jewel.

 

Ebbio is an 800 year old classic rustic Tuscan farmhouse converted into a charming yoga retreat. Looking

out one of the many windows of the different accommodations in Ebbio, you will be captivated by the

undulating hills swept with thriving vineyards, olive trees and enchanting evergreen forests. The

amazing part of Ebbio is that it is still a working, organic Tuscan farm with its own

Chianti wine production and delicious Olive Oil.

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Ebbio’s kitchen serves vegetarian meals only. Most of the produce comes from their organic production.

The picnic on the day of the ocean excursion is included. Meals are served in the outside porch if

the weather is warm and not raining; otherwise they will be served upstairs where the bedrooms

are also located in a common living/dining room.  That room is a living/gathering place where

there is quiet time between 10 pm and 6 am to respect the people sleeping on the 2nd floor.

 

Water and seasonal fruit are available throughout the day.

 

The accommodations are in double, triple or quadruple rooms.  All rooms are shared, cute

and cozy & have a special name. There is about 1 bathroom for every 2 rooms. All bathrooms

are different, some with showers, some with bathtubs. There is also a bathroom with showers

off the yoga room with privacy for two people. Please remember this is a very rustic 800 year

old stone Tuscan Farmhouse with open windows & fresh air and you will hear animal noises.

 

This retreat will be held at  Ebbio in Tuscany, Italy a short walking distance

from the ancient town of Montereggioni. You will have time to explore on your own.

Prices include:

7 night/8 day shared accommodations

Three Daily vegetarian meals at Ebbio including wine with lunch & dinner and fresh

fruit available during the day (dinner on arrival day and breakfast on departure day)

(Lunch is not provided by Ebbio on full excursion day trips.

Daily Journaling/Yoga or Manifestation Workshop on most days

except full excursion days.

A day-trip visit to a thermal hot springs. Terme San Giovanni Rapolano.

The entrance fee is covered by us. There are services there that you may

want to take advantage of at your expense

There will be one excursion after lunch to a local town in Chianti with winery/wine tasting.

There will also be a day trip transportation included to the wonderful town of Siena.

(Your lunch while there will be self-catered and not provided by Ebbio).

Once you are there you are on your own to shop, explore the cobblestone streets

and have fun until we meet to be taken back to Ebbio. You will have dinner upon

returning to Ebbio. Be sure to see the magnificent Duomo di Siena while

you are exploring the town. We will be going on Wednesday when they

have the market day in town . Streets are filled with stalls with selling

everything including clothing. This is where the locals shop.

A day-trip excursion to the town of San Gimignano/Volterra

with a Pecorino cheese tasting first.

(Your lunch while there will be self-catered and not provided by Ebbio).

You will return to Ebbio for dinner.

You can simply explore on foot or rent a bicycle to explore the hills around Ebbio.

You can walk to the ancient town of Monteriggioni which is about 1 km away

Note: The itinerary can be changed at any time by the discretion

of the organizer or due to weather or other unforeseen

circumstances.

Driving To Ebbio/Taxi From Siena Train Station

If you are driving to Ebbio, simply reach Monteriggioni Castle and go to the local information center directly next to the

church. From there, they will direct you to Ebbio. If you miss your pick-up at Siena Train Station you can take a taxi.

Here is the address for the cabbie: Ebbio, Strada del Gallinaio – 53035 Monteriggioni, (Siena, Toscana)

All Rooms & Bathrooms Are Shared. Accommodations see below.

A $500 Non-Refundable/Non-Transferable Deposit Secures Your Space

Deposit – PAYPAL- Credit Card, ATM Sign Contract & Fax

Balance due by check please contact Barbara for mailing address. Balance due by July 25th, 2015

Note: Please Read Contract , Sign & Fax to: 661 825-8104

The Consent Contract Must Be Returned For You To Be Able To Attend The Rereat

Flying To Ebbio

*Retreat cost does not include airfare. Check for the best prices to Florence or Rome or Pisa.

You can take a train to Siena Train Station from your arrival airport where you will be picked up on

arrival day at 1 pm or 4 pm.

Time to get to Siena by train: Rome 3 hours, Florence 1.5 hours, Pisa 2 hours.

Note: (If you miss your pick up time at the Siena Train Station on September 26th (1 or 4 pm)

you can take a taxi to Ebbio for around 30 euro estimated. Four people can share a taxi. )

Important: Do not book your return flight home for the same day the retreat

ends on October 3rd. You will be driven to the Siena Train Station in the morning after a light breakfast on

departure day Oct 3rd around 10 a.m. . The airports are a distance from the retreat and most flights leave in the early

morning. Take some time to explore the towns you are flying out of before the day of your return flight and spend

the a night or two there. This is Italy!! Helpful tip: If you are planning on visiting Florence after the retreat then

fly into Florence or if you plan on visiting Rome after the retreat then fly into Rome the same with Pisa.

You can also fly in to one airport and fly out from another if you plan to do some traveling.

 

*PRICING $2300All rooms & baths are shared. Flight Is Not Included.Balance is due by check in US funds by July 25th, 2015(Sending In Your Deposit Means You Have Read Contract Terms & Conditions And Have Accepted It)If balance is not received by July 25th we reserve the right to consider your booking as cancelled.(See Contract) The Contract Must Also Be Signed, Sent In & Received After You Send Your Deposit

In Order For You To Be Able To Attend.

 

**If you are considering coming on this retreat please email to apply.  Please let Jen know why

you want to come and be part of this group as space is limited and she would love to know something

about you. General questions about retreat please email or call Barbara 702 524-5686.

 

If you like Italy, writing/journaling, yoga, wine, organic vegetarian food and relaxation then join

Jennifer Pastiloff in Tuscany! This retreat is about sharing out-loud, connecting and there will be writing.

The main focus is “not Asana”. This is her yearly retreat to Italy and she looks forward to sharing some of

her favorite places with you, all wrapped in the comfort of journaling, Manifestation Workshops &

especially connecting with amazing people, laughter & joy with an occasional dance party too!!!

Don’t Forget to Bring: – Valid Passport– Comfortable clothing for yoga and movement-

– Slip-on shoes for indoors-

(Shoes are not permitted in Yoga Studio)

 

-Walking shoes and clothing for outdoors and hiking trails

sunscreen, hat and sunglasses-

 

– Camera, extra batteries & chargers-

 

~Toiletries shampoo & conditioner & any medicines you may need~

 

-Casual clothes for any excursions

you may take-

 

-Bathing suit (sunscreen, hat, sandals, water shoes, flip flops etc.

for the hot-spring and in case it is warm enough for the beach.~

 

~Save room in your luggage for any clothing you may buy while there~

 

-Water bottle to fill during your stay-

(Filtered water on premises)

 

-Italian AC adapter (for 220V compatible electronics)-

(Please do not bring electronics with heating elements)

There is (1) hairdryer at Ebbio to share.

 

-Insect repellent-

 

-You can hand-wash your clothes and line-dry outside while there-

 

-The farmhouse provides linen and towels.-

 

-Sheets are the same for 1 week. There is a change of towels in mid-week.-

 

-Yoga Mats are provided by Ebbio-

 

~A light jacket in case it is chilly~

 

~Something to cover your shoulders while visiting churches~

 

-A Journal for Jen’s Classes-

 

~Your Happy Face & A Sense of Humor~

 

Note:~Travel Insurance Is Required~

Contact Barbara For More Info702-524-5686 or Email
Photograph Barbara PotterLove Outside My Bedroom Window
Jennifer Pastiloff’sManifestation Yoga Retreats®
Exploring Surrounding AreaMonteriggioni  (5 minutes drive or you can easily walk whenever you want). There areplenty of Tuscan hills to walk and enjoy by foot or bicycle (rental available).On Site Activities At An Additional Charge Paid In Cash (euro)You can arrange with Franz the owner of Ebbio for these when you are there.

 

Horseback Riding (€20/Hour), Mountain Biking (€20/Day), Hiking With Guide (€20/Hour)

 

Hiking with Donkey & Guide (€20/Hour) Hot Tub (€20/Hour) Max 4 People

Gratuities & Other InfoTaxes are included however gratuities for housekeepers and drivers are welcomewhich is given on the departure day if you like.Please use your cell phone in the privacy of your own room.Please don’t count on having at WiFi signal at Ebbio.

Check with your cell phone provider before going to make sure you

are signed up for International Service and Data Plans.

 

The retreat is a smoke-free environment. Synthetic fragrances, perfumes

and colognes are not permitted.

 

Quiet hours are from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. while using the main upstairs gathering room/dining

room on the 2nd floor to ensure a peaceful retreat for everyone. You may use the room

during those hours but please be mindful of others sleeping on the 2nd floor.

 

All bedrooms (except for the apt suite located outside of the farmhouse and the bodywork

room) are on the 2nd floor of the main farmhouse. Built in the 1300s the floors are stone

and tile. They can be cool in the non-summer months. Bring slippers.

 

There is a massage room downstairs at Ebbio next to the Yoga Studio and a local massage

therapist is available that can be called in for optional massages at your

expense in cash (euro).

Funds In Italy You can exchange your US Dollars for euro in SienaNote: The exchange rates change all the time and may be different in June/JulySome credit cards do not charge fees for shopping in Italy-check with your bank.  Most other cards do as much as 5% fee.Please remember that cash in euro is what is accepted in most places especially the outdoor vendors in Siena on Market

Day. Restaurants & stores accept cards. Check with your bank to see if they have a sister bank in Italy. Usually you can

withdraw euro from your account with no fee  with your ATM card at one of those places.

There are no ATM machines at Ebbio on site.

*ACCOMMODATIONS SHARED:This is an 800 year old Tuscan Farmhouse without air conditioning.It is not a spa or a modern hotel and air comes from the windows.All bedrooms & bathrooms are dormitory style/shared and are on the 2nd floor.A few of the rooms are for 2, most are for 3 and two are for 4 people.There are steps leading up to a sleeping loft inside of two of the

bedrooms. There are no private rooms available.

 

The rate is based per person (Min in a room is 2 people).

If we have space (s) for a couple you can be in a room for 2

people only so we suggest you book early as it fills up fast

if that will be your situation.

Combined Max total capacity 27

The retreat leader Jennifer Pastiloff retains the right to change anything on this itinerary due toweather or other circumstances according to her discretion.  During the times when excursionsare not planned (all are optional) you can enjoy your time on your own.
Driving To Ebbio/Taxi From Siena Train StationIf you are driving to Ebbio, simply reach Monteriggioni Castle and go to the local information center directly next to thechurch. From there, they will direct you to Ebbio. If you miss your pick-up at Siena Train Station you can take a taxi.Here is the address for the cabbie: Ebbio, Strada del Gallinaio – 53035  Monteriggioni,  (Siena,  Toscana)
All Rooms & Bathrooms Are Shared. Accommodations see below.A $500 Non-Refundable/Non-Transferable Deposit Secures Your SpaceDeposit – PAYPAL- Credit Card, ATM   Sign Contract & FaxBalance due by check please contact Barbara for mailing address. Balance due by July 25th, 2015

Don’t Forget to Bring:

– Valid Passport-

– Comfortable clothing for yoga and movement-

– Slip-on shoes for indoors-

(Shoes are not permitted in Yoga Studio)

-Walking shoes and clothing for outdoors and hiking trails

sunscreen, hat and sunglasses-

– Camera, extra batteries & chargers-

~Toiletries shampoo & conditioner & any medicines you may need~

-Casual clothes for any excursions

you may take-

-Bathing suit (sunscreen, hat, sandals, water shoes, flip flops etc.

for the hot-spring and in case it is warm enough for the beach.~

~Save room in your luggage for any clothing you may buy while there~

-Water bottle to fill during your stay-

(Filtered water on premises)

-Italian AC adapter (for 220V compatible electronics)-

(Please do not bring electronics with heating elements)

There is (1) hairdryer at Ebbio to share.

-Insect repellent-

-You can hand-wash your clothes and line-dry outside while there-

-The farmhouse provides linen and towels.-

-Sheets are the same for 1 week. There is a change of towels in mid-week.-

-Yoga Mats are provided by Ebbio-

~A light jacket in case it is chilly~

~Something to cover your shoulders while visiting churches~

-A Journal for Jen’s Classes-

~Your Happy Face & A Sense of Humor~

Note:~Travel Insurance Is Required~

 

*Photo by Linda Hooper.

Jen Pastiloff’s The Manifestation Workshop: On Being Human. Seattle April 26th.

April 26, 2015

beauty-hunting-jen-logo-black1-300x88*Please note that I am doing TWO workshops in Seattle. Saturday April 25th a nd Sunday April 26th.

Book Sat here.

Book Sun here.

You do NOT have to be a yogi or know yoga.

I led 4 sold-out workshops in Seattle in 2014 and I am headed back April 2015. I love my Seattle tribe so much!

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Here is a little blurb I just wrote on my Facebook page:

Vulnerability alert: Let me tell you about stepping out of your comfort zone and fear and being ballsy and what that looks like to me. A few years back I started doing these workshops which have since morphed into something else entirely. I have no idea what to name this thing. What to call it. It’s not really a “yoga” thing but I do it at yoga studios and we sit on yoga mats. It’s not really a writing thing because you don’t have to be a writer or even like writing but we write. And we share. And we laugh. And we cry. And it’s heavy but also really really light. And like, how do you describe that? How do you say, call up a studio in Chicago and say, “Hey, I want to come do this thing I do there at your place. I can’t really describe it. You’ll just have to see for yourself. People will come. Trust me.”

And I mean, there’s a deep knowing that I will sell it out (but there’s also the other part of me that’s like, “OMG, you have never been to Chicago or Vancouver or whatever city it is. Who do you think you are?”

But

I do not listen to that voice for very long. I put on my big girl panties and shut that voice up and carry on with my cup of coffee and hush that little voice that says, “How dare you create something that is not definable and expect people will show up?”
Why do I hush that voice?
Because I did do that. I am doing that.
Is it scary as f*ck? Yes.
I do this ALL BY MYSELF. I have no team of agents or managers or bookers. Just some balls. (Well, not really. Betty White says a vagina is tougher than balls, but whatever.) I pull my bootstraps up and carry on.
My word right now is TRUST.
I do not fit into any mold or any “yoga” box or literary box or self-help (it ain’t that, nor is it ‘woo-woo’ or airy-fairy) so I simply have to trust that I am on the right path. That people will keep coming.
A couple weeks ago at my Miami workshop, people drove from all over the state and country. I had a moment where I thought, “This is what trust looks like.”
It’s like that line from the movie Field of Dreams. Maybe that is what I am saying in my long-winded Jen Pastiloff way, “If you build it, they will come.”
They will. they do.
Nonetheless, it’s so nerve-wracking and scary and exciting and all of that, each time I book a workshop. It’s terrifying and exhilarating to stand up there and be totally vulnerable and naked and well, human.
That is why it’s called The Manifestation Workshop: On Being Human.

I know some of you are new to this page as it’s grown quite a lot in the last few weeks and are probably all, “Who the eff is this Jen?” I’m just a human being (as wayne Dyer says, “I am a human being, not a human doing.”) I’m just a human being who is trying to make her way in the world. I bump into a lot of things, I drop a lot, I mess up, I curse. Sometimes I am an asshole (thus, I created the “Don’t be an asshole” series) but every day I am trying to be a better human. I am trying to listen more, to be more open, to be less afraid. That is what my workshop is about. And I intend to take it all over the world. I am.
Is it scary? Yes.
Do I need to trust? Yes.
Do you need to trust more? I have no idea.
Do you? Only you can answer that. I am not going to sit here with my coffee and make blanket statements about you. You need this. You need that. I have no idea. Only you do.
I just know that no matter how freaked out I get that I am going to another country or another city to do my wacky indescribable workshop, I will go anyway. I will lead it as best as I can, with as open of a heart as I can, with my deaf ass ears as open as they can be, with my sense of humor intact. And I will do my best to show you what it looks like to do something even when you are shitting bricks of fear. I love you guys. Here’s to forging into the unknown with grace. xo
Jennifer Pastiloff

Take that, fear!♥

There’s beauty in being afraid, ya know? What does it look like? It looks like doing it anyway.

**Bring a journal and an open heart. There is yoga but you do not have to be a yogi. All levels welcome!

Read this to get an idea of what my workshop is like. 

ps I will also be in Seattle at Hauteyoga’s sister studio shefayoga Saturday April 25th. Book that one here. 

 

Jen Pastiloff’s Manifestation Workshop: On Being Human. Seattle April 25th.

April 25, 2015

*Please note that I am doing TWO workshops in Seattle. Saturday April 25th a nd Sunday April 26th.

Book Sat here.

Book Sun here.

You do NOT have to be a yogi or know yoga.

I led 4 sold-out workshops in Seattle in 2014 and I am headed back April 2015. I love my Seattle tribe so much!

Here is a little blurb I just wrote on my Facebook page:

Vulnerability alert: Let me tell you about stepping out of your comfort zone and fear and being ballsy and what that looks like to me. A few years back I started doing these workshops which have since morphed into something else entirely. I have no idea what to name this thing. What to call it. It’s not really a “yoga” thing but I do it at yoga studios and we sit on yoga mats. It’s not really a writing thing because you don’t have to be a writer or even like writing but we write. And we share. And we laugh. And we cry. And it’s heavy but also really really light. And like, how do you describe that? How do you say, call up a studio in Chicago and say, “Hey, I want to come do this thing I do there at your place. I can’t really describe it. You’ll just have to see for yourself. People will come. Trust me.”

And I mean, there’s a deep knowing that I will sell it out (but there’s also the other part of me that’s like, “OMG, you have never been to Chicago or Vancouver or whatever city it is. Who do you think you are?”

But

I do not listen to that voice for very long. I put on my big girl panties and shut that voice up and carry on with my cup of coffee and hush that little voice that says, “How dare you create something that is not definable and expect people will show up?”

Why do I hush that voice?

Because I did do that. I am doing that.

Is it scary as f*ck? Yes.

I do this ALL BY MYSELF. I have no team of agents or managers or bookers. Just some balls. (Well, not really. Betty White says a vagina is tougher than balls, but whatever.) I pull my bootstraps up and carry on.

My word right now is TRUST.

I do not fit into any mold or any “yoga” box or literary box or self-help (it ain’t that, nor is it ‘woo-woo’ or airy-fairy) so I simply have to trust that I am on the right path. That people will keep coming.

A couple weeks ago at my Miami workshop, people drove from all over the state and country. I had a moment where I thought, “This is what trust looks like.”

It’s like that line from the movie Field of Dreams. Maybe that is what I am saying in my long-winded Jen Pastiloff way, “If you build it, they will come.”

They will. they do.

Nonetheless, it’s so nerve-wracking and scary and exciting and all of that, each time I book a workshop. It’s terrifying and exhilarating to stand up there and be totally vulnerable and naked and well, human.

That is why it’s called The Manifestation Workshop: On Being Human.

I know some of you are new to this page as it’s grown quite a lot in the last few weeks and are probably all, “Who the eff is this Jen?” I’m just a human being (as wayne Dyer says, “I am a human being, not a human doing.”) I’m just a human being who is trying to make her way in the world. I bump into a lot of things, I drop a lot, I mess up, I curse. Sometimes I am an asshole (thus, I created the “Don’t be an asshole” series) but every day I am trying to be a better human. I am trying to listen more, to be more open, to be less afraid. That is what my workshop is about. And I intend to take it all over the world. I am.

Is it scary? Yes.

Do I need to trust? Yes.

Do you need to trust more? I have no idea.

Do you? Only you can answer that. I am not going to sit here with my coffee and make blanket statements about you. You need this. You need that. I have no idea. Only you do.

I just know that no matter how freaked out I get that I am going to another country or another city to do my wacky indescribable workshop, I will go anyway. I will lead it as best as I can, with as open of a heart as I can, with my deaf ass ears as open as they can be, with my sense of humor intact. And I will do my best to show you what it looks like to do something even when you are shitting bricks of fear. I love you guys. Here’s to forging into the unknown with grace. xo

Jennifer Pastiloff

Take that, fear!♥

There’s beauty in being afraid, ya know? What does it look like? It looks like doing it anyway.

**Bring a journal and an open heart. There is yoga but you do not have to be a yogi. All levels welcome!

Read this to get an idea of what my workshop is like. 

ps I will also be in Seattle at shefayoga‘s sister studio Hauteyoga Queen Anne Sunday April 26th. Book that one here. 

 

Guest Posts, Manifestation Workshops, Women

Women Are Hurting.

March 31, 2015

beauty-hunting-jen-logo-black1-300x88By Jane Eaton Hamilton.

Jen Pastiloff & The Hunt For Beauty.

There’s something I can’t get off my mind; it’s been nagging.

A couple months ago, Jen Pastiloff came to town.  She’s the wunderkind behind the online home for great essays, Manifest Station, and a yoga/writing workshop phenom.  I first came to know Jen through her site when she published my essay about Paris, ‘Things That Didn’t Happen,’ which now appears in the Caitlin Press anthology This Place a Stranger, about women traveling solo.

All this is a long-winded introduction to the fact that Jen asked me to attend her yoga workshop here in Vancouver, BC, when she came to town earlier this year at Semperviva Yoga, and, reluctantly, I went.  (Jen knew getting me out of my house was like pulling teeth, but she kept at me.)  Despite a background in dance, I’ve never been a yoga enthusiast, and I’m also an atheist, and morbidly shy, and the whole spiritual thing makes me roll my eyes.  I slid down the wall at the back of the room, gamely played along to the limits of my creaky old body, and kept my eyes and ears open.

And, folks, a bunch of things happened.

She calls the workshop, after all, “On Being Human.”

But the transformative thing, the thing that hasn’t gone away, was this:

Women are hurting. Continue Reading…

Manifestation Weekend Retreat: On Being Human at Kripalu.

February 19, 2015

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This is for everyone.

berkshiresdotorg
This weekend is an excavation of the self, a deep and fun journey into questions such as: If I wasn’t afraid, what would I do? Who would I be if no one told me who I was?
Get ready to connect to your joy, manifest the life of your dreams, and tell the truth about who you are and what you want in a workshop that combines writing and asana, and has been known to include a dance party or two!

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Jennifer Pastiloff’s focus is less on yoga postures and more on diving into life in all its unpredictable, messy beauty.

Jennifer invites you beyond your comfort zone to explore what it means to be creative, human, and free.
Note: Bring a journal, an open heart, and a sense of humor. (The last one is a MUST!)

Below is a teenage girl, Karolina,

 

 

that came last year with her beautiful mom. They had no idea what they had signed up for. This is what she had to say…

 

 

Beauty Hunting, Guest Posts, Manifestation Workshops, Men

On Fear & Beauty: One Man’s Thoughts.

February 18, 2015

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Note from Jen: Peter Tóth has been following me for a while on social media so it was a huge honor to have him schlep all the way to London to attend my workshop. He wrote this beautiful post after the workshop. The honor was all mine, I can assure you. I was simply blown away by this, and by him. I will be back in London at Lumi Power Yoga in Hammersmith for another workshop October 10th!

 

By Peter Tóth.

A re-view of a journey there and back

16-17. February 2015

Last three days (from 13th till 15th February) have been really interesting for me and I am unsure how to describe their magic in words. I feel like I can only miserably fail in attempting to do so, but I will try anyway. Although I’m not a fan of cheesy motivational quotes, I will use one now, it’s from Bob Proctor and it’s actually a good one (and not too cheesy either):

“If you know what to do to reach your goal, it’s not a big enough goal.”

So, here’s to attempting the impossible…

On Friday, the 13th, on the way home from work, I mind-travelled back to the moment I learned about Zina Nicole Lahr as it would have been her 25th birthday that day and after reading her essay Contrast And Catalyst (Click to download pdf. It’s beautiful, beautiful, beautiful and as far as I know it has disappeared from internet ) for about tenth time I felt the same connection to her as I felt back then (The only difference was, that this time I had a conscious knowledge of who she was and I was desperately trying to figure out why do I feel connected to her and why she occasionally comes to haunt my day dreams with her fragile, aetheric, otherworldly beauty.)

I wanted to celebrate her birthday, but I didn’t know how. (Not long ago I met a girl who told me to fucking forget about Zina and to concentrate on the real life instead. In a way it felt like an insult, like if she didn’t understand that every thought we think is real and that a person can be dead and still be a catalyst, an agent that provokes changes and actions and we should not be judged if we somehow found ourselves attracted to such being. Because what if each life silently continues after it disappears from this world, where we can witness and measure it? It might go unnoticed, unobserved, unsung, but so what? It might as well be, that it is simply us who don’t pay enough attention to what goes around us, after all who knows? … )

In a painful moment of realization that I will never meet her, I sort of promised myself to remember her through creativity. Through manifestation of myself via any act of creating, whether it’s writing, drawing, photography, or a paper modelling. And it was shortly after all this happened that I found another beautiful American, Jennifer Pastiloff. Once again, my moth like personality felt attracted to her flame immediately. It too happened through her writing. But this time it wasn’t as much about what she has written, or how (although its beauty and power is undisputed and I loved everything she has written). It was the courage with which she has written it. The rawness of her essays. The willingness to look the pain in the eye and the humility which shone through her after she came victorious from what must have been exhaustively tiring staring contest. I just love female warriors. I decided I must meet her. And talk to her, like one human being to another. I wanted to see her, not visually, I wanted to witness the poetry of her being.

And soon she pulled a workshop in London and although the yoga bit and the seemingly feminine character of it all scared me, I booked it immediately. That was in November 2014.

Jen Pastiloff is the founder of The Manifest-Station. Join her in Tuscany for her annual Manifestation Retreat. Click the Tuscan hills above. No yoga experience required. Only requirement: Just be a human being. Yoga + Writing + Connection. We go deep. Bring an open heart and a sense of humor- that's it! Summer or Fall 2015.

Jen Pastiloff is the founder of The Manifest-Station. Join her in Tuscany for her annual Manifestation Retreat. Click the Tuscan hills above. No yoga experience required. Only requirement: Just be a human being. Yoga + Writing + Connection. We go deep. Bring an open heart and a sense of humor- that’s it! Summer or Fall 2015.

~ Continue Reading…

Guest Posts, I Have Done Love, Retreats/Workshops, writing

Writing & The Body. Jen Pastiloff & Lidia Yuknavitch.

February 8, 2015

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By Jen Pastiloff.

Update: We have just opened registration for our next Writing and The Body Retreat. Book here.

I am on way my to London to lead a workshop and I couldn’t be happier. I do two a year in London (back doing one there Oct 10th), which, truth be told, is a friggin’ dream come true for me. Manifesting.

Making Shit Happen is how I define manifesting. 

Please check out a list of my workshops soon as I have them coming up in Massachusetts (retreat there next week in The Berkshires), NYC in March, Atlanta in March, Princeton, Philly, Seattle, Dallas, Chicago, Tuscany, and more! Post in the comments section if you are attending one soon or would like to.

You do NOT have to know any yoga at all. Just be a human being. All workshops listed here.

Read this to get a better understanding of what it is I do. 

To anyone who may be disappointed that my retreats or workshops are not enough “yoga,”I refuse to apologize. I won’t back down with my mission and the beauty mark I intend to leave.

I want to remind you not to put yourself in a box. That you can make something up and put it out into the world ( I did it!) with one intention and it will work. But do know what that intention must be? Every time? No matter if you are doing this or that or writing or yoga or nursing or mothering or serving veggie burgers?

The intention must be love. My go to saying- At the end of my life, when I ask one final “What have I done?” let my answer be, “I have done love.”

So please, if you want to come to a workshop of mine, know that I may not have you do 39 handstands. I may not have you do 100 vinyasas (although sometimes we do do a lot) but I will try my damnedest to create a space of love. I will do my best to help you not forget who you are in the world.

 

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Jen and Lidia

 

I just led an incredible retreat last weekend in Ojai, California, with one of my favorite authors and humans, Lidia Yuknavitch, called Writing and The Body. We are doing it again over Labor Day weekend 2015. Book here.

A woman in a room is crying, but it’s not what you think. The salted water brings her home, but it’s not what you think. There is another home in her, an ocean of lives lived alongside others. Look in her eyes. Look differently. Look at how her eyes are worlds. Some of the bodies carried life, some of them carried death, some others, both. There are bodies who have starved or needed more than the open mouth of an infant. There are folds of flesh redefine your puny words, “wife,” “mother,” “daughter,” other. If you listen with your whole body, you can hear our skinsong. A beautiful thunder. Even death begins us. Begin again. ~ Lidia Yuknavich after our Writing & The Body Retreat. Continue Reading…