The real question is this: Where can you be honest with yourself? Where can you be the most honest you that you have ever been?
Yesterday I rode my bike, along with my dear friend Laura, to Redondo Beach.
From Santa Monica.
Thank God The Redondo Beach Pier had those awesome fish tacos and pints of beer or I wouldn’t have made it back. ( Not joking.) 34 miles is a long haul, folks. A long haul.
I had a lot of time to think. To just be.
Here is my honesty for the day, my second Confession in the Confession Series. (click to read Confession about sucking my thumb.)
I realized I am addicted to likes. To clicks.
I am addicted to Like.
Like the song Addicted To Love. Just change it to Like.
I post a blog. And then I check every few minutes to see how it’s doing. Did they like it? Do they like me? ( Who, in the name of God, are “they”?)
Am I good enough?
I am being honest here, so I am breaking down what it really means.
I have become a slave to my phone and computer, so dialed in and over-connected all the time. Yesterday as I rode all those miles and looked out at the ocean I thought about how great it felt to be off the grid. To not care one way or the other what was going on in the world beyond that moment, there on my bike.
I am being raw and looking deep within the caves of Jennifer that are not to be found on Facebook or Twitter.
It’s not a conscious thing I am talking about. It’s something I realized there on my beach cruiser with the orange basket in front and fishing rod in back; this need for connection and approval to make me feel good about myself.
We all want to be liked. That’s natural.
The reality? Not everyone will like us.
That’s ok. It’s usually not about us anyway, and, even if it is, it doesn’t matter. It’s their opinion to have, whoever they are.
I was with my private client last week and Bruce Springsteen was in the background singing one of my favorites, “My Hometown.” I looked over at him and asked: Are you a Bruce fan?
So I realized that if you plug in your favorite artist or singer or anyone that you think is the best there is, you will always find someone that says: They suck.
How can you not be a Bruce fan? I thought and was truly baffled.
So there will always be someone that doesn’t like Bruce or Snow Patrol or your favorite band or artist. Helps you get over the fact that not all people will like you, right?
So back to the honesty question. Where can you be really honest with yourself?
A confession, if you will.
Mine is: I am an addict.
My last post on one of the many sites I write for got a hundred plus comments but only a thousand “likes.”
Do you know that I actually spent time thinking about this?
Comparing myself to other people? Wondering why more people hadn’t clicked “like” on something that was so personal, so important to me? Something that I had spent so much time on and which I thought was really good? What if the website didn’t publish me anymore? What if it means something, this only a “thousand likes” business?
And you know what? The what if’s, when you spell them out and look them square in the jaw, end up being small little things that get filed under “Irrelevant” in your Life File, along with getting into a “perfect” yoga pose or being the “perfect” weight.
I caught myself in my own trap.
I have become tethered to something that is, in no way, shape, or form: real.
I have allowed it.
I have become a junkie to people validating me.
It’s easy to happen.
Everything has a like button so how can we start to not feel as if it a personal sign we are wearing?
Like me? Please, please click “like”? Vote for me? “Like” me and I will believe I am good enough and if you don’t like me then I will feel worthless.
It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?
So, now what?
I am honest with it, now what? I am looking at it. I am “being with it” as they say. Now what?
So, here’s what: I shut the computer. I go sit with my husband and have a nice meal and a glass of wine. I let go of any notion that my self worth is connected to how many Facebook fans I have, how many likes I have on a post, how many tweets or pinterests or shmiterests. I let myself sit and be like I am on a bike with not a care in the world except how far away the dang Pier is, with it’s fish tacos and beer.
Where can you be honest with yourself? That’s Today’s Daily Manifestation Challenge or DMC. Come on and take it! Answer below. I know it is scary, but it feels so so good.