Dear Sweet Chickie…in my room are several, with varying degrees of love for me. There’s the one who loves me too much in that weird way, the one who doesn’t love me enough to leave his wife, a couple of people who would love me more if I was/wasn’t thus and such, those who truly love me but there’s not a chance in hell I’ll believe them (I have proof of why I’m unlovable and I can rhyme off the reasons in a heart beat!), and the big one, ME, and even on an extraordinary day, I can find several reasons to beat myself up…! It’s way more complicated than just having one person at a time un-loving me. There’s a chorus most days, with ME as the maestro!
My thought is, if I can get ME to love me, the rest won’t matter. I am open to suggestions. That’s why I’m. Here, reading your blog/vlog, searching in me for answers.
great videos Jen. Good to SEE you expressing yourself, even though so much of your ‘self’ does come through in your mails. The way you come across in video is exactly the same way as I have envisioned you in having a personal conversation … so … thanks for your gob-smacking honesty … a woman after my own heart. The way I see it, you have a very large heart … growing larger every day. Never doubt this darlin’ girl. In all honesty, we need to be our own heros first. It’s not an insurmountable problem unless we make it so. I am tackling a problem of my own right now which begs the question. It is my own daughter who is ‘the one’. I spend much time thinkng about what more I can do and every once in a while, I come home to the truth, that some of it is up to her. You rock! x0 nancy Be yourself. Everyone else is taken! Oscar Wilde
Understanding self-acceptance can only come from self….nothing external will bring us that love our soul yearns for. I’ve chased the dream for a long time and not until I crashed and burned did I start to wake-up. If you haven’t watched her videos yet, Brene Brown on TED talks about Vulnerability. I love the fact that she comes from a researcher perspective and yet even all the data in the world can’t help us to control our most basic of human instincts, fear…and yet it’s our vulnerability that allows us to connect to each other…hmmmm…wonder of wonders. Namaste. 🙂
The one. Always focusing on the one. Which is shitty, because I’d be such a better friend, partner, coworker, etc, if I turned my attention to the rest of the room. There are a lot of good people in the room, but I suppose you have to value yourself before you turn your attention to those who value you. This is sick, but I wonder if I’m drawn to people who don’t like me because we have something in common. Oh God, how awful… I so wish I could live life more gently. I can’t believe life is THIS hard for most people…
And since that was so pitiful, I’m going to end with five things I love: 1. Bunny rabbits 2. Drinking tea on the deck with a book 3. Writing myself into a trance-like state 4. The book ‘Winesburg, Ohio’ 5. How newborns are all wrinkly like elephants
Hah I am 65 plus 5 months and I still seem to focus on the one. Oy Vey. It does get easier and does not last as long but I would love to overcome that completely. Love you.
Jennifer, this is rad and so in alignment! Just yesterday as I was teaching yoga, I found myself drawn to focusing on “the one.” Thankfully, my awareness was clear enough for me to realize it pretty early on…and then I shifted my focus from fear-based and unconfident to setting an intention to radiate LOVE and appreciation for the critic’s presence.
Totally agree that this whole being human thing is pretty frickin’ tricky sometimes…and feeling so grateful for awareness, growth and the opportunity to learn ever more how to focus on the GOOD!
Thank you so much for your wise insight and lighthearted approach to self-awareness.
Hi Jen! Perhaps I’ll take a stab at this from my view: I notice when I start doing “better” at life, I more distinctly notice those who really love me and those who just look at me with a dark face, eyebrows down, seething (fill in the blank emotion) towards me. I don’t believe we often get straight answers in life, so I don’t believe this one is black and white either. You just have to split the time somehow.
So my personal tactic is, you’re in that situation, and you want to convert the grump. Go to that person, say just one nice thing to them. A quick compliment, a smile, ask them a question about something they may know, just make a connection (it will be there). You can even pretend to bump into them, apologize and smile, just make a connection. And then you can go back to attending to those who came there because they love you. Because you mustn’t let them forget why you love them so much and want to spend time with them too. There’s a good chance that person will still look grumpy the rest of the night, that is okay! But next time you see them, they will probably be cheerier towards you. I’ve tried this out and it really seems to work!
Just yesterday, my daughter and I were taking a walk and discussing stuff. She is visiting me in Orlando, from Philadelphia where we all used to live, and we had been discussing family members and things from the past and she nonchalantly told me that one of her cousins ( woman my age who is from her dad’s family) had been telling her for years that I was a bad mother. As most teenagers do, my daughter would vent to her cool unmarried (not a mother) cousin if she and I did not see eye to eye on something. I knew she did it. Her cousin and I were supposed to be friends. I used to ask her to help if I was having a particularly tough time with my daughter, and now I find out that even though she was telling me she was helping, she was saying horrible things about me. I would love to say that I am in the minority and that what people say and do doesn’t hurt me but I am not that person, even though I strive to be. I am hurt and my first reaction was to ask why and to even confront her and stand up for myself, as if I have to prove that I am a good mother. But I reflected on it and realized I don’t have to do that. She is now a mother, her daughter is only 6 months, so she will see how hard it is some day to deal with a teenage girl in this world today, (it will most likely be worse when her daughter is a teenager). So, do I focus on the majority or the one? Two days ago I would say the majority-I have a lot of friends and I love to go and spend time with them and connect in meaningful ways with them. Today I have to say I focus on it all. The majority for sure, but the one who doesn’t like me or doesn’t respect me will pull me in every time.
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Dear Sweet Chickie…in my room are several, with varying degrees of love for me. There’s the one who loves me too much in that weird way, the one who doesn’t love me enough to leave his wife, a couple of people who would love me more if I was/wasn’t thus and such, those who truly love me but there’s not a chance in hell I’ll believe them (I have proof of why I’m unlovable and I can rhyme off the reasons in a heart beat!), and the big one, ME, and even on an extraordinary day, I can find several reasons to beat myself up…! It’s way more complicated than just having one person at a time un-loving me. There’s a chorus most days, with ME as the maestro!
My thought is, if I can get ME to love me, the rest won’t matter. I am open to suggestions. That’s why I’m. Here, reading your blog/vlog, searching in me for answers.
You are so real, awesome and inspiring! Keep the blogs coming! xoKaren
great videos Jen. Good to SEE you expressing yourself, even though so much of your ‘self’ does come through in your mails. The way you come across in video is exactly the same way as I have envisioned you in having a personal conversation … so … thanks for your gob-smacking honesty … a woman after my own heart. The way I see it, you have a very large heart … growing larger every day. Never doubt this darlin’ girl. In all honesty, we need to be our own heros first. It’s not an insurmountable problem unless we make it so. I am tackling a problem of my own right now which begs the question. It is my own daughter who is ‘the one’. I spend much time thinkng about what more I can do and every once in a while, I come home to the truth, that some of it is up to her. You rock! x0 nancy Be yourself. Everyone else is taken! Oscar Wilde
________________________________
Understanding self-acceptance can only come from self….nothing external will bring us that love our soul yearns for. I’ve chased the dream for a long time and not until I crashed and burned did I start to wake-up. If you haven’t watched her videos yet, Brene Brown on TED talks about Vulnerability. I love the fact that she comes from a researcher perspective and yet even all the data in the world can’t help us to control our most basic of human instincts, fear…and yet it’s our vulnerability that allows us to connect to each other…hmmmm…wonder of wonders. Namaste. 🙂
The one. Always focusing on the one. Which is shitty, because I’d be such a better friend, partner, coworker, etc, if I turned my attention to the rest of the room. There are a lot of good people in the room, but I suppose you have to value yourself before you turn your attention to those who value you. This is sick, but I wonder if I’m drawn to people who don’t like me because we have something in common. Oh God, how awful… I so wish I could live life more gently. I can’t believe life is THIS hard for most people…
And since that was so pitiful, I’m going to end with five things I love: 1. Bunny rabbits 2. Drinking tea on the deck with a book 3. Writing myself into a trance-like state 4. The book ‘Winesburg, Ohio’ 5. How newborns are all wrinkly like elephants
Hah I am 65 plus 5 months and I still seem to focus on the one. Oy Vey. It does get easier and does not last as long but I would love to overcome that completely. Love you.
Jennifer, this is rad and so in alignment! Just yesterday as I was teaching yoga, I found myself drawn to focusing on “the one.” Thankfully, my awareness was clear enough for me to realize it pretty early on…and then I shifted my focus from fear-based and unconfident to setting an intention to radiate LOVE and appreciation for the critic’s presence.
Totally agree that this whole being human thing is pretty frickin’ tricky sometimes…and feeling so grateful for awareness, growth and the opportunity to learn ever more how to focus on the GOOD!
Thank you so much for your wise insight and lighthearted approach to self-awareness.
Love & Hugs,
Denise 🙂
[…] The One. Part One: Video.. […]
Hi Jen! Perhaps I’ll take a stab at this from my view: I notice when I start doing “better” at life, I more distinctly notice those who really love me and those who just look at me with a dark face, eyebrows down, seething (fill in the blank emotion) towards me. I don’t believe we often get straight answers in life, so I don’t believe this one is black and white either. You just have to split the time somehow.
So my personal tactic is, you’re in that situation, and you want to convert the grump. Go to that person, say just one nice thing to them. A quick compliment, a smile, ask them a question about something they may know, just make a connection (it will be there). You can even pretend to bump into them, apologize and smile, just make a connection. And then you can go back to attending to those who came there because they love you. Because you mustn’t let them forget why you love them so much and want to spend time with them too. There’s a good chance that person will still look grumpy the rest of the night, that is okay! But next time you see them, they will probably be cheerier towards you. I’ve tried this out and it really seems to work!
Just yesterday, my daughter and I were taking a walk and discussing stuff. She is visiting me in Orlando, from Philadelphia where we all used to live, and we had been discussing family members and things from the past and she nonchalantly told me that one of her cousins ( woman my age who is from her dad’s family) had been telling her for years that I was a bad mother. As most teenagers do, my daughter would vent to her cool unmarried (not a mother) cousin if she and I did not see eye to eye on something. I knew she did it. Her cousin and I were supposed to be friends. I used to ask her to help if I was having a particularly tough time with my daughter, and now I find out that even though she was telling me she was helping, she was saying horrible things about me. I would love to say that I am in the minority and that what people say and do doesn’t hurt me but I am not that person, even though I strive to be. I am hurt and my first reaction was to ask why and to even confront her and stand up for myself, as if I have to prove that I am a good mother. But I reflected on it and realized I don’t have to do that. She is now a mother, her daughter is only 6 months, so she will see how hard it is some day to deal with a teenage girl in this world today, (it will most likely be worse when her daughter is a teenager). So, do I focus on the majority or the one? Two days ago I would say the majority-I have a lot of friends and I love to go and spend time with them and connect in meaningful ways with them. Today I have to say I focus on it all. The majority for sure, but the one who doesn’t like me or doesn’t respect me will pull me in every time.