Guest Posts, healing

A Letter To My 14-Year-Old Self.

December 22, 2014

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By Anna Taylor.

My twin sister and I were born eleven weeks premature, each weighing less than a bag of sugar. We survived against all odds. However, as a result, I have cerebral palsy, affecting my legs.

Twenty years ago this week, I underwent major surgery that turned my life upside down and back to front. I never wanted the surgery but when a doctor told me in no uncertain terms, that without it, I would be confined to a wheelchair by the time I was thirty, I didn’t have much choice. I felt backed into a corner, unable to see any other way forward. I was promised greater mobility and independence than I’d had for several years and I knew that I couldn’t let that chance pass me by. I was concerned about the impact such anaesthesia would have on my already fragile stomach, but everyone put those symptoms down to my hormonal age and did not see any reason to postpone the multiple operations I needed.

So very nervously, I had the first one and knew as soon as I awoke from the 3-hour ordeal, in which the consultant broke and re-positioned both my femur bones, that something was extremely wrong. I could not feel my legs at all (no one told me or my parents that I would be given an epidural for pain relief) and I went into complete shock. As it happened, my whole body shook internally and the agony I felt over the next few days was the beginning of a decade of pain. Devastating, exhausting pain. After more major surgery, which required me to wear plaster casts from hip to toe (made all the more undignified and ghastly by the arrival of my period!), more anaesthesia, antibiotics, morphine and almost a year off school, my dear, sensitive body pretty much collapsed. Life was never the same again.

In many ways, I am grateful for it. My journey to health and well-being led me on a path of deep self-discovery, and ultimately to incredible blessings. But in this moment, I want to acknowledge all that was lost to me in those years, and the utter despair I felt as a teenager when the promise of a new freedom vanished into thin air. I want to reassure her, to comfort her and let her know what I know now, what I’d tell her if I could meet her in some kind of parallel universe…

Dear 14 Year Old Me,

I know you are scared. I know you do not want to do this. I know that everything feels out of your control. But those caring for you truly do have your best interests at heart.

It will be hard. It will be very hard. But you will never be alone and there are beautiful Angels protecting you always. You will not die, no matter how difficult it may seem to stay alive. You are safe.

Your life has not been wasted. It has just taken a different route. You’ll see.

Your dreams may feel shattered but you will dream new dreams and surprise people in ways you cannot imagine right now.

Doctors know a lot. But they don’t know everything. Listen to them but listen to yourself most. Your body, your heart, your spirit know what they need.

Medicine will only go so far – there are so many other ways to feel well. Take the medicine without guilt if that’s what gets you through this moment. But know that you will also find other ways to heal.

Tell others how you really feel. Talk to people you trust. It’s OK to ask for help and it is not a weakness. Ever.

No-one will ever truly understand what it’s like for you and friends will come and go from your life, but you will meet those who see you for who you are. Be patient for your ‘tribe’. They are waiting in the wings and will arrive steadily throughout your journey.

Breathe. Consciously breathe. Let yourself relax as much as possible.

Time heals a lot. It doesn’t make anything disappear but it does improve. I promise.

Don’t worry so much about school. Education is important but it isn’t as important as your health and will never be as important as the lessons you learn in life; nobody will ask for your grades when you’re an adult, anyway!

It’s a GREAT gift to be ‘different’. You’ll get to do exciting things and meet brilliant people. You don’t need to do what everyone else is doing to be happy or successful. You will learn what true success is. You will learn who you are.

It’s not easy to watch someone you love suffer every day. Your family are all doing the best they can with what they know, as are you.

Whether you walk freely again or not, you will move mountains in your life and you will, one day, teach others that anything is possible.

You are not to blame for any of this. No-one is. Sh** happens and you will never know all of the reasons why things turned out as they did. Accept that as much as you can. It’ll make everything much more bearable.

You are strong. You are capable. You are wise. You are perfect as you are. You are LOVED.

Love,
 Me xoxox

 

Known as ‘The Angels’ Voice’, Anna Taylor is an international recording artist, singer-songwriter, certified Angel Therapist®, Theta Healing Practitioner®, speaker and radio host.  Using her natural intuitive gifts, developed by years of training and experience, Anna connects with Divine love and guidance to support people with all aspects of life and often acts as a catalyst for transformation.  She is a loving and compassionate woman with a remarkable ability to empathize and communicate, and shares daily inspiration with almost 200,000 on her Facebook page. Visit her at Annataylormusicangel.

 

Born eleven weeks premature and with Cerebral Palsy, learning to walk was a major challenge, and Anna took her first independent steps at the age of six, discovering at a young age that success is achieved with so much more than physical ability and defined by so much more than academic results. Sound and song therapy played an integral part in Anna’s recovery from surgery and long-term illness, and her innate love of singing inspired her to dream of recording her own CD.

Her album Already Here was released after months of co-writing via email, and was made possible thanks to the generosity of friends and supporters around the world. Anna, whose voice has been likened to Canadian singer, Sarah McLachlan, has since performed for audiences in England and the United States, and most recently at Doreen Virtue’s Angel Intuitive course in Zurich, Switzerland. She has also been featured on BBC Sussex Radio and several internet radio shows, including Hay House Radio. These experiences, along with her love of people, are brought together in her own radio show Anna and the Angels on Blogtalkradio.com where she treats her listeners to a unique blend of fun, wisdom and music.

Currently living in West Sussex, England, Anna offers private reading, healing and coaching sessions via Skype, telephone or in-person at Koorana Natural Therapy Rooms.

You can find out more about Anna’s work, and her upcoming events at www.anna-taylor.co.uk and watch her Weekly Angel Reading videos at www.youtube.com/annataylor444. Instagram: annataylors.

Image courtesy of Simple Reminders.

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28 Comments

  • Reply Barbara Potter December 22, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    This really touched my heart.

    • Reply Anna Taylor December 23, 2014 at 7:45 am

      Thank you for reading it, Barbara! <3

  • Reply KristineMarieNaef December 22, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    I cried as I read this ~ not out of pity ~ rather out of a knowing love for your situation. I wish someone could have told me with my first *big* MS relapse this, any of this~《but like you) I am ever so grateful for this learning experience! we are loves light warriors! 😉 love you!

    • Reply Dhani Arias December 23, 2014 at 5:59 am

      love

    • Reply Anna Taylor December 23, 2014 at 7:47 am

      Ahh, I know, sweetie. I wish, too. But it is what it is. I love you, my fellow warrior! <3

  • Reply Dhani Arias December 23, 2014 at 5:59 am

    I have no words, just massive love ♡

    • Reply Anna Taylor December 23, 2014 at 9:08 am

      Massive love to you, too, dear one <3

  • Reply Ella Hicks December 23, 2014 at 7:15 am

    Anna, you are so brave and your light shines so brightly. Thank you for being such an example of
    unending love for me. Massive love is right. xo Ella

    • Reply Anna Taylor December 23, 2014 at 9:09 am

      What you see in me is in you, dear Ella. Much love to you! <3

  • Reply Di Riseborough December 23, 2014 at 7:39 am

    Anna, thank you for blessing my life, love it that I am part of your ‘tribe’. You inspire me, such grace. And yes it is okay to ask for help, something I am still learning daily. Showing us by example the love you have for your little one is what we all strive to do, healing our hurt child brings us back to our essence of who we truly are. Your essence shines brightly for many of us to see and follow. May the Angels continue to bless you. <3

    • Reply Anna Taylor December 23, 2014 at 9:11 am

      Ahh, thank you, Di! You are also a shining example for me and many! <3

  • Reply Anna Taylor December 23, 2014 at 7:48 am

    Massive love to you too, dear one! <3

  • Reply Margaret Painter December 23, 2014 at 8:05 am

    Beautiful.

    My journey has been quite different, as I seemed to have been born with all the physical gifts anyone could wish for. My lifelong struggle has been with life-threatening depression. I always viewed the adages about growing as a result of pain as superficial cliches; I thought I was destined to be weak-minded and not strong enough to stand up to the vissicitudes of life. Now I know that the cracks are *indeed* where the light gets in. Love you Anna.

    • Reply Anna Taylor December 23, 2014 at 9:15 am

      Bless you, dear Margaret. Indeed you are strong and you deserve all the support in the world. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are loved. <3

  • Reply Radleigh December 23, 2014 at 8:53 am

    Such courage. Beautifully written. Thank you!

    • Reply Anna Taylor December 23, 2014 at 9:08 am

      Thank you. <3

    • Reply Anna Taylor December 23, 2014 at 9:14 am

      Bless you, dear Margaret. Indeed you are strong and you deserve all the support in the world. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are loved. <3

  • Reply Catherine December 23, 2014 at 10:37 am

    This is really beautiful and inspiring to read. It’s powerful for those who have been through trauma and those who are negotiating their way through life. A great read thank you Anna for your honesty and wisdom.

    • Reply Anna Taylor December 23, 2014 at 10:55 am

      Thank you so much for reading it, Catherine and for your kind words! <3

  • Reply Kate Spencer December 24, 2014 at 6:25 am

    A truly inspiring and touching story, what a beautiful soul that can find the gift in such adversity and then use the experience to help herself and others. A true earth angel.

    • Reply Anna Taylor December 24, 2014 at 5:34 pm

      Ahh, thank you, Kate. When I share, it helps me find reason for my experiences because if I help one person then it makes it all worthwhile 🙂 <3

  • Reply Jess Beard December 24, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    Anna, your words always touch my heart. You are truly a beautiful soul and I am glad to know you. Merry Christmas xoxo

    • Reply Anna Taylor December 26, 2014 at 4:05 pm

      Thank you, Jess. That is so sweet of you to say! <3

  • Reply Eileen Anglin December 24, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    Anna, this was simply beautiful, and so inspirational. Thank you for being so open and honest.

    • Reply Anna Taylor December 26, 2014 at 4:06 pm

      Ah, thank you Eileen! I don’t know any other way to be, really. But I’m glad you appreciate my honesty <3

  • Reply Anna Frolik December 28, 2014 at 7:15 pm

    Thank you for sharing this with us all, Anna. You are so beautiful and inspiring. Love speaks through your every word.

    • Reply Anna Taylor December 29, 2014 at 5:57 am

      Oh bless you, Anna. You are so kind. I am human but I do my best 😉

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