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being single

Guest Posts, Relationships

Independent Woman Still Wants the Right Man

October 19, 2016
relationship

By Chelsey Drysdale

“From a simple supply and demand point of view, women do have something to worry about,” Stanford economist Paul Oyer said earlier this year during an interview with the Dear Sugar Radio podcast. Based on his research, scarcity in the straight world is real; there’s an imbalance when it comes to women seeking men vs. men seeking women.

Oyer’s data supporting the notion “all the good ones are taken” confirmed what I’d been thinking for years.  I found it oddly reassuring, as if a doctor had finally diagnosed unique symptoms of which there appeared to be no real origin.

“…and it gets much worse as [women] age,” Oyer said. “The numbers change dramatically starting really at age 30, but once you hit 40, it’s just pretty dramatic.”

I nodded as I drove near my tiny studio apartment in Long Beach, where I worked and lived alone.

Finally, I thought. Proof of what I already know. I’ve often thought, I’ve aged out of the market.

Maybe this information serves to reinforce my fear of “getting back out there,” providing me with an excuse to hide in an impenetrable bubble. The pain of loss is excruciating; the pain of loss multiple times is unbearable. But loneliness is debilitating too, and I don’t want to be alone forever. It’s not in my nature. Continue Reading…

Dear Life., Guest Posts, Relationships

Dear Life: Help! Dating Is Hard.

January 20, 2015

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Welcome to Dear Life: An Unconventional Advice Column.*

Your questions get sent to various authors from around the world to answer (and please keep sending because I have like 567 writers that want to answer your burning questions. Click here to submit a letter or email dearlife@jenniferpastiloff.com.) Different writers offer their input when it comes to navigating through life’s messiness. We are “making messy okay.” Today’s letter is answered by A. Wolfe!

Send us your questions because there loads of crazy authors waiting to answer ‘em. Just kidding, they aren’t crazy.

Well okay, maybe a little. Aren’t we all? xo, Jen Pastiloff, Crazy Beauty Hunter. ps, I will see you in London Feb 14th!! Only 5 spots left!

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Dear Life,

I don’t mean to brag, but I’m a pretty cool person. Well, maybe not “cool,” I’ve never been cool (other than for a few inexplicable months in second grade), but I have a lot to offer the world, as a worker, as a thinker, as a friend, as a girlfriend.

The girlfriend part is hypothetical; I’ve never really had a boyfriend. I think I could be a pretty good girlfriend, accounting for a learning curve. And I’ll admit, I don’t come across this brashly in real life, there’s just something about writing that gives me confidence. The point is, I’m a good person, and I think I’d be a good girlfriend. But I’m just terrible at meeting guys! I find myself accidentally leading more and more towards a monastic lifestyle. I work from home, and when I go out for dinner or whatever, I’m usually catching up with a friend and focusing on them, not on trying to flirt with boys. I’ve tried online dating, but I’m not really in an online dating “mood” right now (and I definitely need to be in the right mood for it).

I’m at peace with being single, don’t get me wrong, but I’d like to try having a boyfriend for a bit. In my 23 years on this planet, I’ve occasionally gotten close to a relationship, but never quite reached that point. But please, life, give me the kick in the butt I need to get out there and meet some boys! And some how-to tips would be most appreciated.

K.

Jen Pastiloff is the founder of The Manifest-Station. Join her in Tuscany for her annual Manifestation Retreat. Click the Tuscan hills above. No yoga experience required. Only requirement: Just be a human being.

Jen Pastiloff is the founder of The Manifest-Station. Join her in Tuscany for her annual Manifestation Retreat. Click the Tuscan hills above. No yoga experience required. Only requirement: Just be a human being.

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