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Q & A Series

The Real Krista Allen. The Manifestation Q&A Series.

May 31, 2012

Welcome to The Manifestation Q&A Series.

 I am Jennifer Pastiloff and this series is designed to introduce the world to someone I find incredible. Someone who is manifesting their dreams on a daily basis.

Someone like Krista Allen.

Today’s guest is Krista Allen, who happens to be one of my closest friends. Krista is an actress whom many of you are familiar with, either from her HBO series Unscripted or one of her other movies or tv shows. Her latest is a new show on The CW Network called The La Complex.

Krista and I after one of my yoga classes.

So most of you have at least seen her face. What most of you don’t know is what an amazing and passionate human being Krista Allen is. My intention in having her sit down with us today is to have you be as inspired by her as I am. She is kind and humble, grounded and funny, generous and compassionate. And drop dead gorgeous to boot.

I am so excited to have the world get to know Krista in the way I know her. She has taught me many valuable lessons, not only about my own spirituality, but about life. In the interview below, she is raw and honest and insightful. It is my greatest honor to introduce you the incomparable Krista Allen.

Jennifer Pastiloff: What are you most proud to have manifested in your life?

Krista Allen: Well, it’s all about the power of thought, right?

I am most proud to have manifested every bump, bruise, failed relationship and painful experience in my journey so far. Without THAT, I wouldn’t be here.

I literally had to “manifest” my reality in a way that was so contrary to who I Really AM. And there is a profound beauty in that … I got to see myself.

Really See Myself. Like really truly, unabashedly look at the shadow side of ME… of my own special I AM-ness.

I needed to lose myself, in order to find myself. I experienced very devastating “force de major” the last 2 1/2 years that needed to happen so I could choose to wake up!

So, I opened my eyes. I re-created a belief system that was all mine, instead of the one that didn’t even belong to me. I am now, on this path of freedom, finding peace. It wasn’t until I was willing to LET GO of the belief system that “I AM NOT ENOUGH” that I was able to embrace and allow the truth of “I AM SOOOOO ENOUGH.”

Jennifer Pastiloff: I used to wait in you for years when I was a waitress at The Newsroom and trying to be an actress. You were always so kind and funny and humble. I admired you for that. That’s what stuck out about you. Years later, it’s those same qualities I admire in you. How do you stay so grounded?

Krista Allen: That made me laugh! You have watched me on this recent journey, and to ask how I stay grounded knowing what you have seen, and how you even had to detach from me for a bit is humbling. I just look for the honesty now, much more than demanding the truth. I used to have an insatiable need to pretend to control the outcome in order to feel worthy. The grounded part of me NOW is all about letting go of the need for control, in all aspects of my life, and allowing God to be my personal GPS. I mean, it’s always been there … but my ego would generally convince me that “I know a better way” … so I wouldn’t listen to the loving voice telling me “WRONG WAY!!!” … but my personal Higher Power GPS continues to recalculate all the time, and when I LISTEN, I get where I NEED to be and it might not be where I think I want to go. I’m trusting more and more that when I’m guided to make a U turn… I take the damn U turn!

Jennifer Pastiloff: What has been the toughest decision you have ever made?

Krista Allen: Letting go. My toughest decision has been to look at myself and begin to forgive myself for buying into those belief systems for so long that kept me stuck. I was always looking for something or someone to believe in. I had a tough time as a kid, and there was a lot of abuse present in my childhood. So, I kept a lot of secrets. I learned early on that if I said something, then I would be “bad” and I was afraid to “get in trouble”. This was my belief system. I was taught early on that I didn’t have a valid voice. I would be seen as weak if I spoke up and then, there was this false bravado if I stayed silent.

In order to make decision, You have to make the choice to let go of something. That “something” I was attaching to was that I needed to be controlled to feel loved, and stay small to feel safe.

So, a lot of my choices were based on choosing people to believe in, that might not have been so … how can I say this … wise to pick. I figured at the time, if I could just make “this person” be good to me, then I must be worthy of love, and then I could believe in myself.

In all truth, my past thoughts and core beliefs were my greatest hindrance to any freedom and happiness in my life. Choosing to be willing to change that was/is the most powerful decision I have ever made.

Jennifer Pastiloff: How has that reflected in your years of working an actress in Hollywood?

Krista Allen: I’m always a work in progress. In this moment, right now, is the greatest adventure I’ve ever been on. If I look at certain roles I’ve done, especially, early on … some were questionable, to say the least. As I mentioned, I adapted a false belief about who I AM. (… which is a lot more about who I thought I needed to be.) There was so much of myself that I refused to own and embrace, and that put me in a really vulnerable place. So, there was some anger and frustration there. Like… “COME ON! Someone give me a freakin’ break now!” … it was me that had to give myself a freakin’ break. My career, much like my life, is evolving. I’m loving this part of my journey.

Jennifer Pastiloff: Can you tell us your favorite part about working on The La Complex?

Krista Allen: MARTIN GERO!! (creator of THE LA COMPLEX) That man is a genius! Besides that… I really love my character. I have never played a role like this. I guess I can’t give too much info on that as season 2 has not started yet. But I will tell you that my storyline is great. The entire cast is so talented and I’m really proud to be on this show. It’s like a blend of Unscripted ( an HBO series I did), Melrose Place, and … Friends?

Jennifer Pastiloff: What is the greatest lesson you have learned this past year about yourself?

Krista Allen: The greatest lesson at this time is that I don’t have to ever keep myself small to make someone else feel better about themselves. EVER.

I have learned that I am a powerful woman, a wonderful mother and daughter, and an incredibly loyal friend. I am so grateful for my family … the one I came to be with here in this lifetime, and the family members that I have “adopted” throughout my journey, so far. I’m learning how to balance humanity and divine truth.

Jennifer Pastiloff: Speaking of adopted family, I know you are dear friends Tom Shadyac, and as I am a huge fan of his film I Am ( get it folks! It is amazing.) I would love to know what you have learned Tom Shadyac.

Krista Allen: Tom has been my voice of reason. The funny thing is that I met Tom in 1996 when he directed me in Liar Liar. How fitting for my perception of what I was believing about how life showed up for me …and, I played the role of “elevator girl” … which again, is pretty fitting since an elevator is all about “pushing buttons” to go up or down! Tom has been a huge influence in supporting me in my I AM-ness. He’s my divinely adopted big brother and I adore that man.

Krista wears a Conscious Ink tattoo that says “I am”
Click to see more tats!

Jennifer Pastiloff: What is the greatest lesson you have learned from Jake, your son?

Krista Allen: Forgiveness and patience. He is almost 15! (agggghhhh!!!!) He has shown me, especially recently, what forgiveness and patience through unconditional love looks like. That boy is so freakin’ special. My son is the most important person in my life.

Jennifer Pastiloff: Who/what inspires you the most?

Krista Allen: Besides Jake, who inspires me daily to be the best I can be. I have so much that inspires me!

(side note from Krista: as your readers peruse the following, they might want to imagine the pungent smell of pachouli seeping through cyberspace and out of their air vents in the computer… and perhaps, a funky harp playing?)

I believe that there is a power greater than me, greater than anything I could ever achieve in my own way of thinking. My best thinking has gotten me into some pretty messy places in my life! It’s the feeling of oneness that inspires me. The connection to the stillness of the Palm tree just BEING a damn Palm tree. Observing. .. the roots in the ground that can’t easily be shaken… The way a little seed can become that massive Palm tree. … The Ocean… Dolphins… People …. Life force inspires me! .. (okay… end the damn pachouli smell and harp music.)

Krista holding Jake as a baby.

Jennifer Pastiloff: What would you say to your 16 year old self?

Krista Allen: “Oh my God!! You poor thing!! I will save you!”

Ha! That’s what I would want to say … But what I would say now is this: Know this you beautiful girl… No one can ever save you. You will be your own savior. It will take you years to understand this … so your journey is not going to be easy. But it will be worth it. I promise you this. You are good. You are powerful… and one day, you will know this. If I told you what your life will be like, I would doing you a huge disservice. This is your journey and I understand why you are angry. Believe there IS a reason for every single moment. Your tears will be liquid prayers, even in those times you decide to believe there isn’t anyone to pray too. You will always know, somewhere inside of you, that you are never alone, even when you feel like you are. … You are heard. Believe that. You have so much beauty to see in this lifetime … even though it might not be very pretty.

Jennifer Pastiloff: That is so beautiful. thank you. Can you share with us a bit about your passion for saving animals and being a Vegan?

Krista Allen: I guess this goes back to being connected to everything. If an animal is in pain or suffering… I feel that very deeply, and it hurts. There is such an innocence to animals. Just like there is an innocence to humans. But, the difference is the ego. Have you ever seen a dog make his fellow pack mate pay over and over for peeing on the floor? NOPE. But we see that in humanity all the time. Don’t we make people and ourselves pay over and over for our/their mistakes? … Ahhh, I digress into spiritual babble, again. (note from Jen: That is one of the qualities I love most about Krista!)

Okay, back on point… I believe that the quality of life pertaining to all living creatures is crucial to the global consciousness in the world. I’m simply not okay eating animals. I shutter at the thought of the intense fear they must feel in their short time in this life as a food source. I believe when humans eat the flesh of another living creature, the fear or sadness of their quality of life is also taken in… and don’t get me started about all the hormones, antibiotics, sickness and cruelty…. I could write a whole book about it!

Here is an Krista wrote about her vegan journey:
http://www.veggieboomboom.com/understanding-supply-and-demand-my-vegan-journey/

Jennifer Pastiloff: You could write a book about it! You sort of did 🙂

I love all of your knowledge about veganism. Who has been your greatest teacher?

Krista Allen: Life! It’s not so much a who, but a what. I have always been a student of life … I just didn’t choose to pay attention and I played hookie a lot. I totally thought I had all the answers, but never acknowledged what my own questions were. The joy I have found is that once I was truly willing to change, and willing to listen… the teachers appeared in every form imaginable.

Jennifer Pastiloff: What are some of your “aha” moments in your life that you can share.

Krista Allen: I have “aha” moments a lot. …and I also have A-HA!! moments …Like…

“A-HA … he ain’t gonna change!!”

You know when people change?… When they are ready too, and not one second sooner. My true “AHA” moment was seeing that it was ME that needed to change.

I create. … and I mis-create. … I fall and I get up… I fly high and I crash and burn … and, it’s taken me a long time to understand that this is all part of my human experience and there’s not a thing wrong with that. It’s just being human. So, to be able to experience separation from the good stuff… makes it utterly blissful to experience oneness in the good stuff. And for me, that journey is all about forgiveness. It’s the key to my happiness. This is a constant process with gradual progress.

I see myself in others a lot now, in those moments that trigger my impatience or judgment. Which is more often than I care to admit! Look, I just got mad and gave a mean angry face to someone this morning for stealing “my” parking space in the Whole Foods parking lot. Then, after I realized that I was being just as entitled, I laughed. I remembered that I’ve done that TO someone else … oh … a few hundred times!? I was able to say “Hello Me, there I am, stealing someone’s parking space again!” … That’s an example of an AHA moment today.

Jennifer Pastiloff: How do you define success?

Krista Allen: I like to think of it as achievement rather than success. I’ll know I’ve achieved my own personal success when I can put my head down on my pillow at night and not be a little freaked out when I pray “Dear God, Tomorrow, please have everybody that I come in contact with, treat me exactly the way I’ve treated people today, AMEN!’…

Jennifer Pastiloff: Thoughts on the mind/body connection?

Krista Allen: It’s all about that divine energy … that amazing power that as humans in a temporary body.. we forget is all part of the package. We are so much more than the body. And, once that is explored… miracles really do happen … and I think, that is where the healing begins.

Jennifer Pastiloff: What would a snapshot of Krista Allen’s day look like?

Krista Allen: Wake up: laugh at my sleepy pups with their legs stretching out while sliding across the sheets on their bellies, giving me kisses. I Pray. I Meditate. I ask for guidance and send love to the people and places in my thoughts. Regardless of the thought! I nourish my body with food. I follow the divine guidance I receive, if I’m not feeling too cheeky. Or, I rebel against it if i let my ego take over, and then I pay later. 😉 I tell my son I love him, I check in with family and friends, I study my lines, work, I read new scripts, I meet with some amazingly talented directors and writers, I get creative and share my ideas with other artists, I hit the beach with my pups or go on a hike. Practice Yoga. … I write a lot, I reach out to friends and do some business stuff, I read, I laugh a lot…I call my son and my mom and my dad. Maybe get a mani-pedi… Check on my social networking stuff which I have recently gone back to as part of my FREEDOM journey. @KristaAllenXO

… And some days, I don’t wanna do anything but sit in a feeling and have a pitty party for a thought that won’t leave my mind. But I allow it now, instead of resisting it. I pushed my feelings down for so long and I was a just pretending to be okay, instead of just experiencing humanity and being honest enough to say “I am so not okay in this moment!” … But no matter what, I write a gratitude list. Even if all I can muster in the moment is “Grrrrr … I am grateful for knowing there is something I am grateful for!!”

Jennifer Pastiloff: Gratitude is the greatest force In my life. Most of my classes are set to this theme. If you could say thank you right now, who would it be to?

Krista Allen: The universal mind… which to me is simply, God. THANK YOU!

All the opportunities to grow are right there, I think, for a reason.

Jennifer Pastiloff: If you weren’t acting what would you be doing?

Krista Allen: Oh, that’s easy!

Something super simple like … running a yoga and meditation and surfing retreat complete with spa and beauty services, and a revolutionary holistic healing center, while running an organic vegan bistro from my incredibly vast and sustainable garden, that also has the most amazing animal rescue in the world, and of course, lots of kids of all ages (0-199) running around happy and learning… adopted, fostered, healing, feeling love…. while writing best selling novels and oscar winning screenplays and relaxing in the middle of it all on my very own tropical island, with a full art studio, and harnessing epic guitar playing skills and have a voice like Adelle, and all this would be on the eco friendly tropical island which housed an amazing community of my entire family and friends … and a true life partner, just for me… and be independently wealthy to do all of that while also supporting a kazillion charities and non profit organizations and kick starter projects to help make the world a better place … Just simple, see?

Jennifer Pastiloff: Can you share with us about your yoga/meditation practice?

Krista Allen: I practice yoga as often as I can. It really is a way of living … and not just going to a class. It’s the practice OFF the mat that sustains me. Meditation is a daily ritual. I love guided meditations… my brain likes to jump around a lot, so I find when I can be guided by a CD or a class, I stay more focused. But I’m working on just being mindful in the silence for longer than say …. Oh, 2 seconds! (… Hey look, there’s a squirrel!)

Jennifer Pastiloff: You’re funny! Next question. What fulfills you?

Krista Allen: I am fulfilled when I “get it” … whether it’s with my son, my friends, my family, my dogs, riding a wave in the ocean (even for a split second!!), taking someone through a Vynassa that’s never done one…. that moment of connection. Yeah… Being of service and allowing that gift to reciprocate the way it just does. That magical flow of energy. There’s truly is nothing better than that.

Jennifer Pastiloff: I know these past few years have been really hard for you and everyone who wanted you to be happy. What has been the silver lining to come out of those years?

Krista Allen: FREEDOM ….I bought into the believe that it was selfish to take care of myself or that I had the right to live my life out loud. I thought that I must hide the truth and live my life the way others wanted me too, in order to be a loved back. And ya know what? I did it with a ton of resentment and expectation. OUCH! That’s a tough one to say, but it’s true. So,in the words of Janice Joplin.. Freedom’s just another word for nothin left to lose, nothin’ don’t mean nothin, hun, if it ain’t free!

Jennifer Pastiloff: What are some words you live by?

Krista Allen: 

Thank you.

I am grateful.

I forgive you.

I forgive myself.

Rock on!

Jennifer Pastiloff: What’s up next for Krista Allen?

Krista Allen: I am spending time with my son and my pups and my family and friends!! I have the show LA complex that I’m working on, I’m writing a lot, I’m teaching Yoga to my surfer and MMA buddies when I am in LA, I’m getting offers for new projects with people that inspire me, I’m cooking a lot of yummy vegan and raw meals for friends and family, I am speaking at charities for abused women, supporting them in finding their solution …. and I just signed on to work with OM TIMES! I get to host interviews with some brilliant people that are helping to shine their light in the world! It’s really very cool, as it will also be in conjunction with my blog www.veggieboomboom.com!

Krista and I laughing as usual.

Follow Krista Allen on Twitter

Follow The LA Complex on Twitter

Krista’s website and blog Veggie BoomBoom

Buy the movie I Am by Tom Shadyac

Follow Jen Pastiloff on Twitter

Daily Manifestation Challenge, Hearing Loss, Self Image

Who Are You? The DMC: Daily Manifestation Challenge.

May 30, 2012

Yesterday, a girl came up to me before my class at Equinox and told me that my sister Rachel’s blog is her saving grace; that she feels she is on the same journey as my sister. That she is, in fact, a little obsessed with 3 Words for 365. So am I, I thought.

So am I.

I felt proud, happier than if it was my own blog she was talking about (which, due to my hearing loss, I thought she was at first!)

Serendipitous too, as I had just started this guest post for my sister’s blog. It was a gentle nudge from the Universe to get writing.

The past few days I have been in my bed, with the blanket over my ice-pack covered head.

Sound fun?

No, I didn’t think so.

Unless you are a vampire.

I haven’t suffered from one of my migraines since last May. Then BAM! Without warning I got one on Tuesday night.

I felt the panic set in.

It makes it hard to talk. To see. To focus.

I slur a bit.

Like I said: not fun. Unless you’re drunk, then these symptoms might feel a bit more celebratory.

I cancelled my private yoga sessions on Wednesday and Thursday due to how bad I was feeling.

I called Frank Gjata, who has become my life coach and dear friend, and before I knew it, I was lying in the dark, my throbbing head screaming Get off the Effing Phone, while the rest of me was off having a profound life changing moment. (That’s Frank for you, folks.)

What he does.

LCM. Life. Changing. Moments.

He asked me: Why now? Why do you think your migraine is coming back now?

I wanted to yell I don’t know and I don’t care. I just want the pain to go away.

He asked me to describe what I was feeling.

I said: throbbing. All I could get out. One word. Throbbing.

He suggested how perfect that was because it was actually how I was living my life.

On, off.

On, off.

Stop, go.

Stop, go.

Why did he have to be so spot on?

I told him I was feeling guilty that I gave up so much work the last few days. I said ” Who am I to give up $200 an hour jobs? I didn’t even make 200 A DAY when I was waitressing?”

He says: Exactly. Who are you?

There it is. That question.

“Who are you?”

(Just for the record, I hate when things get turned on me.)

I got it. Here we are back to my favorite exercise in my workshop. The “I am ____” exercise.

I realized that I keep myself so busy and run down because there is this mantra running through my head. You know how I love a mantra.

The mantra is: Who am I to ever say no to something?

Who am I to ever allow myself to say No to something?

What a question!

How many times a day do we say yes to things because we don’t feel we deserve to say no? Or, because there might not be another time to say “yes”? Or because the only way we know how to live is to keep ourselves busy all the time? Or because we feel guilty?

The list is endless.

I decided to fill in my “I am ___.”

I am: a successful writer. I am: a loved yoga teacher. I am: financially abundant.

I am: powerful. I am: A connector. I am: healthy. I am: well.

Who are you?

Last week Frank helped me realize how I was speeding through life ( again with the on, off, stop, go) and that helped me stay not present.

In fact, I got a speeding ticket on my way to his house. Just for fun. So I had proof I was speeding.

It wasn’t that fun, to be honest. I cried.

He also helped me get clear on how my hearing loss, “my not being able to hear” was related to my “not being able to be here.”

I hope this doesn’t sound too airy fairy, too woo-woo.

But the reality is, I don’t care if it does.

I am: someone who is independent of the good opinion of other people.

Is my migraine gone? Mostly. I wouldn’t be able to write if it was fully with me. There is enough of a remnant though for me to remember who I am.

Enough of a subtle pulsing and slight nausea to have me stop and take a breath. To have me pause and ask myself “Do I want to say yes to this next thing?”

Because the truth is: I get to choose.

Somewhere along the line I forgot that I get to choose who I am.

I forgot who I was and thought I was someone who would always be broke and who always had to say yes to any and every job or offer that came my way.

I forgot that I am worth it, and I get to take care of myself, especially when I am not feeling well. Especially when I am laying in a dark cell with ice over my face. Especially then.

Keep going, don’t stop, keep pushing, it’s never enough.

These mantras are broken and no longer serve me so I am throwing them away with my migraine if you don’t mind.

I would love to hear what your mantra is.

Just who do you think you are?

Sorry it’s been so long since a DMC was out, folks! In the comment section below, answer the question: Who Are You?

***This originally appeared in my favorite blog 3wordsfor365.
Guest Posts

Challenge: Finish The Sentence. I am _______.

May 15, 2012

My latest blog is up on Positively Positive today! Please leave your comment there. It is such an honor to write for that site.

Challenge: Finish the Sentence: “I am __________ .”

I first heard Wayne Dyer ask this question at one of his conferences:

Who would you be be if nobody told you who you were? (in his shorts and cute little flip-flops.)

Holy Sweet Downward Dog, I don’t know the answer. I don’t know who I’d be. 

At that time the question blew me right out my seat.

I came back to my seat fully inhabited as somebody else.

You mean I get to decide who I am? I get to say who I am in the world rather than simply letting someone tell me?

What the what?

Click here to finish reading blog and to leave your I am-ness.

Daily Manifestation Challenge, Gratitude, Self Image

What Do You Love About Yourself? Daily Manifestation Challenge

October 16, 2011

Today’s Challenge is a Love Note.

To Yourself.

When I teach kids, special needs or not, and I ask them the question What do you love about yourself? it’s easy for them to answer. It’s like saying yes to cake or staying up late. A no brainer. They have a long list even.

It’s especially inspiring to me to watch the kids with special needs answer this. One of my girls, who is autistic and blind, answered ” my life!” when I asked her what she loved about herself.

She loves her life even though she can’t see a damn thing!

I know a few people I would like to have her hang out with. I would hire her as their teacher and have her show them what self-love and gratitude looks like, in the dark, with no mirrors or television.

I ask my adult students What do you love about yourself?

Dead silence.

Crickets.

Tumbleweeds.

What the hell did she just say? 

Or they pretend I was not talking to them.

Yes you. I am talking to you.

I am not suggesting that you to be conceited or arrogant or think yourself better than anyone else. Quite the contrary. Do you have any idea how inspiring and contagious and humbling it is to be around someone filled with self-love? They never come across as “cocky”.

There is an inherent difference between being arrogant and truly loving yourself. Just think of this: The guy you went out with and maybe even slept with who didn’t call you ever again after he said he would; he’s most likely arrogant. The person who looks at the reflection of themselves in the window instead of looking at you as you speak is arrogant and, frankly, kind of rude.

That’s not self-love we are talking about. These aren’t the people we look to and think Wow, I’d love to live my life like that. I aspire to be that way. The love they have for themselves is overflowing and now I love myself even more! 

I went and saw my mentor Wayne Dyer speak in Pasadena Friday night as his daughter Skye’s guest. She sings at his events. It was a dream come true for me and something I have manifested into my life. He spoke of the the God within each of us. One of the most profound things he talked about was the fact that the only place in the Bible where God is named is the Old Testament. And God’s name is….. I AM.

I am.

Wow.

God is in every single one of us then? 

Yes.

This is not blasphemy. It is finding the part of you that is birthless, deathless and never changing. Call it God, call it what you like, call it “I” even. It is the “I am” in you. In plainspeak, it is the most YOU part of you.

People are often scared to love themselves. I know, I get it. I didn’t love myself for a very long time and even went to great lengths to abuse myself, emotionally and physically.

It’s as if we have been raised by a pack of wolves and told never to love ourselves, at least not openly, or other wolves will eat us.

With children there is no stigma. I taught the kids at the Prader Willi Research Conference of Saturday and we sat in a circle and I asked ” What do you love about yourself?” There was a fight over who would answer first. They all wanted to tell me.

Can you imagine adults being this way? Authentically? Why not? What are we so afraid of? What the tribe will think? The wolves will get us? We’ll sound stupid?

Probably.

Some may not even be able to think of one thing they love about themselves. It takes practice and a willingness to see the parts of you that at first may not seem like the “best” parts. My hearing loss for instance. It used to make me despise myself but now I feel as if it has made me more compassionate and a healer.

One of the boys this weekend told me he loved his artwork. One said he loved his life. One loved her smile and her belly.

I am still waiting for the day where I say ” I love my belly.”

One of the boys had this tshirt on:

What makes you uniquely you and not Joe the Plumber or your mom or the person texting in the car next to you?

Today’s Daily Challenge is to make a list. You don’t have to check it twice. You just gotta live it! Each day write down at least one thing you love about yourself. No crossing it off, just adding on. For the rest of your life.

In the comment section below, if you feel brave enough and inspired, leave your “Love Note” as it were.

I love my injuries because they have allowed me to be a better yoga teacher.

I love my heart and it’s capacity to love.

I love my hearing loss because my other senses, such as my touch, are that much stronger.

I know it will get hard at times. It gets hard when you are out of work or in a bad mood or feel like you have gained weight or hurt someone or they have hurt you or you have gotten sick. I know it’s hard. Trust me, there are days when I yell and cry and scream “Fu*k you Ears!”

I curse. Get over it.

I am still spiritual but I do curse and drink wine and coffee. And I love that about me, Damnit!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I Am that I Am:

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I Am that I Am (Hebrew: אֶהְיֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶהְיֶה‎, pronounced Ehyeh asher ehyeh [ʔehˈje ʔaˈʃer ʔehˈje]) is a common English translation (JPS among others) of the response God used in the Hebrew Bible when Moses asked for His name (Exodus 3:14). It is one of the most famous verses in the Torah. Hayah means “existed” or “was” in Hebrew; “ehyeh” is the first person singular imperfect form and is usually translated in English Bibles as “I will be” (or “I shall be”), for example, at Exodus 3:12. Ehyeh asher ehyeh is generally interpreted to mean I am that I am, though it can also be translated as “I-shall-be that I-shall-be.”[1


Daily Manifestation Challenge, Manifestation Retreats, Mindwebs

Who Would I Be If Nobody Told Me Who I Was? The I Am Question. Daily Manifestation Challenge.

October 14, 2011

What a powerful question! Who would I be if nobody told me who I was? 

I first heard Wayne Dyer ask the question at one of his conferences. Who would you be be if nobody told you who you were? in his shorts and cute little flip-flops. Holy Sweet Baby Moses, I don’t know the answer. I don’t know who I’d be. 

At that time the question blew me right out my seat. I came back fully inhabited as somebody else.

You mean I get to decide who I am? I get to say who I am in the world rather than simply letting someone tell me? What the what?

For a long time I let the people around me dictate who I was. Sure, I was dealing with depression but the constant reminder that I should smile more, that I was so sad all the time actually had the effect of keeping me in that space. Eww. So I decided that was who I was. Sad and depressed. Woe is me Jen P. And that was that about that.

I also have a severe hearing problem and before people knew that fact they would think I was an airhead, someone who was eternally checked out. You kind of start to believe it after a while. I’m just a dingbat. Enough people tell you what and who you are and what do you know? You start to decide it’s the truth! You start to accept that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

Ain’t so! You get to decide as many times as you like just who you are. I was a waitress kind of pretending to be an actress and now I am a yoga teacher and a writer. Not pretending.

And guess what else? I decided that I am not an airhead, I simply CAN’T HEAR!

Despite what the world told me about who I was and my character I chose differently.

I just love that Einstein quote above. It makes me feel sad for someone so close to me who was abused and believed that they were worthless for a very long time.

As I said in my poem “How To Make A Life” you get to decide over and over, as many times as you like, as many times as your socks, just who you are.

I lead an exercise in my workshops and retreats where I have people finish the sentence I am _____.

You cannot finish the sentence with: I am fat, I am broke, I am tired , hungry, bored etc.

It has to be something powerful. Something that you truly believe you are despite all the buts and ifs. If you’ve thought of yourself as ” just a mom” for years (and I know many who have thought themselves that even though the “just” makes me cringe), especially if you have done that, this exercise is profound.

You are the one making the rules.

You get to finish your I am-ness with whatever you like.

Why not? You are the creator of your world.

So here’s who I am. At least today: I am a healer. I am a writer. I am inspired. I am inspiring. I am powerful.

My exercise in the workshop is a bit harder. You say it aloud and then pick someone in the room and tell them your I am-ness before you look in their eyes for 3 minutes straight, without saying a word. It’s no joke! Some people weep. Some laugh. Some want to crawl out of their skin and beat the sh*t out of me.

But all know that the person looking in their eyes sees them exactly as who they said they were.

I am.

Who are you?

Be brave.

I dare you.

Today’s Challenge is the question: Who Would You be if Nobody Told You who you were? YOu can add your response below in comments. I encourage you to finish the sentence I am ________. Fill it in with something powerful and inspiring. 

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