By Leah Sugarman
Do you still have a birthday if you are dead?
Facebook reminds me all day that today is my mother’s birthday.
My youngest son has special needs and is obsessed with birthdays. When he asks this morning, as he does most days, if it is anyone’s birthday I consider lying and saying no. But I am a bad liar and almost always get caught so I tell him it is grandma’s. But then I remind him that she’s all gone. He declares that we should sing happy birthday to her. I wonder if he maybe understands things much better than the rest of us.
I am supposed to light a Yarzheit candle on the anniversary of her death but do not have a clue how to mark her birthday.
Later in the day, we have dropped his sister and friend at dance class and are driving home. He casually comments from the back of the car that it is grandma’s birthday but she is dead. And then tells me that my grandmother, Evelyn, her mother, will celebrate her birthday with her. If only Jews had a heaven, my love. Continue Reading…