Don’t let them steal your happy. Tattoo it on your brain!
Don’t let them steal your happy. Tattoo it on your brain!
That’s right, you read it right.
Apparently my husband and I had one last night.
At least, according to the note pinned to our front door.
I can assure you that it was not Robert and I. (Okay, I can’t really assure you but I am telling you.) Trust me, I would be proud if said sexorcism was ours.
I was sick last night and in bed with A Visit from the Goon Squad and Rob was eating salt-n-vinegar chips and watching soccer. I was asleep early with tissues in my nostrils because my nose wouldn’t stop running. Sexy, right?
Rob told me the couple in the building across way were going at it really loudly. Naturally, with my hearing loss, I did not hear. (I miss out on all the fun.)
I wish I had the courage to leave a note like that on someone’s door.
(Actually, no. I don’t.)
Nonetheless, the note made my day. I am going to leave it there.
Jennifer Pastiloff is the founder of The Manifest-Station. Her work has been featured on The Rumpus, The Nervous Breakdown, Jezebel, Salon, and more. Jen leads her signature Manifestation Retreats & Workshops all over the world. The next retreat is to Ojai, Calif over Labor Day. Check out jenniferpastiloff.com for all retreat listings and workshops to attend one in a city near you. Next up: Seattle, London, Atlanta, South Dakota, NYC, Dallas, Tucson & The Berkshires (guest speaker Canyon Ranch.) She tweets/instagrams at @jenpastiloff.
Wanna know what they are?
Love you guys,
Here is an excerpt…
1) How to be present
Ronan just is. He sits there in his stroller or propped up on his pillows and simply soaks up the energy of the room, a big baby sponge who sometimes has choking fits and seizures. He doesn’t ask for much. He knows when his mom is near. He knows when love is present. He knows when he needs to be fed. You feel silly when you find yourself worrying about the “what if’s” of life when you are in his presence, like he is some baby Buddha who has all the answers. He understands what it means to be still and also to have no expectations. He is present for his life in a way that is at once disarming and beautiful.
2) How to love
The love you feel for this child is impossible. Can’t you feel it, even having never met him? What if we let ourselves love in this way more often? Without any expectations, without regret, with only the here and the now and the open-hearted abandon that comes with knowing how fast the clock is ticking… how each kiss on his soft little face could be the last?
My latest on MindBodyGreen is near and dear to me. Ask yourself “How May I Serve?” What comes up when you say that?
In the irony of all ironies, it is the question How may I serve? that actually saves us from feeling lost and which also moves us forward in life.
1) Find something you are passionate about and give back. For me, it is helping kids with special needs. I offer them free yoga. I hold fundraisers, I donate proceeds from my t-shirts. Whatever it is, find something you are passionate about and volunteer your time, money or voice. It doesn’t have to be big. It can literally be a posting on Facebook.
Click here to keep reading and please leave comment on actual MindBodyGreen post. Keep manifesting xo jen
My latest on MindBodyGreen talks about how I did my wedding. It was NOT traditional, to say the least.
I also offer suggestions for you as to how to have your dream wedding.
The above photo was taken at my wedding at The Yoga Collective in Santa Monica where I held it. I asked people to bring donations and we gave all the money to Haiti for the earthquake relief. Click photo to read article.
I’ve been married two years. Two awesome and lovely years. Two years I wouldn’t trade for any other years even if someone offered: “Hey, wanna trade your two years for mine?”
I don’t have kids yet. Notice I said yet. I want to take advantage of this time before we do because I know full well that life changes with children. I have nephews. I have friends. I have eyes. Having said that, a lot of my friends say that having a baby brought them closer to their spouse. I am not prepared to write about that as it would be like the desert trying to describe an ocean. It can’t really know what it’s like.
What I do know is that kids or no kids, it is important to keep the spark alive. And as I can only speak to what I know – here are 5 ways to spark your sex life.
1) Feel sexy
I know when I am struggling with my old eating disorder demons, which rear their ugly head once in a while, I feel like a monster. It is a very old tape but once it starts playing I feel bad about myself. Then I start projecting that nonsense. It’s hard for someone else to find you sexy and irresistible when you yourself feel disgusting, or fat, or ugly, or any of the other detrimental adjective we can conjure up. So go out and make yourself feel sexy, dammit!
Go get a manicure or pedicure. Get your hair done. Go exercise; it’ll release endorphins and make you feel better within 20 minutes. Write a love letter to yourself. Do something you are really good at. Put on your favorite outfit. Put on some nice shoes.
Whatever it takes, just make yourself feel sexy.
2) Let someone else make you feel sexy
My husband thinks I am the most gorgeous woman in the world (God bless his sweet soul!). Oftentimes, I deflect his affections or attention because I either don’t feel sexy and beautiful or because I am busy working. Whatever the reason is, it creates a profound cause and effect. It’s very hard for two people to be intimate with one another if one party is shutting the other down or is not willing to accept the love. If someone is trying to make you feel sexy – let them.
3) Get the heck outta Dodge!
Get out of town. I now lead retreats all around the world so sometimes I take my husband with me. I cannot express enough the importance of this is. I know you may not be a yoga teacher and you may not even be able to leave the state, but get away regardless.
Go camp out on the beach. Go get a hotel room down the street. Go do something that is out of the ordinary and feels special and different. Trust me, having sex somewhere else is exciting. I don’t care how long you have been married or how long it has been since you’ve done the deed. It’s the spark that will reignite that flame. It doesn’t have to be expensive or fancy. It just needs to be not at home. It needs to feel a little magical.
We all want that little bit of magic.
4) Date night
Once a week. Once a month. Whatever! Just do it. Go see a movie. Get dressed up. Have dinner. Stay in and stay naked but plan it and do it. Be present for it. Shut off Facebook and cell phones. If you have kids, get a babysitter. Date each other. People who date each other want to sleep with each other. You start to find things that are interesting and sexy about the other person that you may have forgotten or never even known. Why should we stop dating or getting to know each other just because we have been together a while or gotten married? Date. Each. Other.
5) Focus on YOU
It’s boring to be with someone who makes you the focus of their life 100% of the time. I used to be that someone. I dated a man many years ago and my happiness completely revolved around him. I was terribly unhappy at the time and had nothing that made me feel alive so I put everything on him. Now, with my husband, I have my own passions and career and dreams. That is not to say he isn’t a part of it. He is very much a part of it but I am my own person and that in itself is wildly sexy to men and women. We want someone that has something to talk about, that has a fire inside of them.
Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t have a passion right now (beating yourself is way unsexy), but rather go out and start finding things that make you feel good. When you come together with your partner you then have that goodness inside of you, ready to spread it.
The bottom line is this: Connection is important. Find ways to get creative and to keep it fresh. Just like we need to do with every area of our lives. Our sex life is no different. Sometimes it needs a kick in the pants. Sometimes it needs a good yoga class or a big drink of wine or a new haircut or a date night.
Whatever it needs, provide it. Be sexy. Be you 100%.
Please check out my latest on MindBodyGreen to read the rest and leave your comment there. I would love to hear what is on your own personal joy list.
Love you all, jen