A Dish Best Served Hot and Over White Rice
Ingredients
• 2 cups Imported External Threats (preferably from China, Canada, or a conveniently chosen boogeyman)
• 1 quart Internal Enemies, finely diced (journalists, academics, protestors, and disloyal members of your own party)
• 3 tbsp Nationalist Nostalgia (aged for at least 50 years for best results)
• 1 cup Scapegoated Minorities (Mexican-picked tomatoes, immigrant-harvested avocados, or a fresh supply of refugees work well)
• 4 tbsp Censorship & Disinformation, stirred until smooth
• 1/2 cup Corporate Corruption, marinated in tax cuts
• 2 tbsp Thinly Veiled Theocracy (available at your local megachurch)
• 1 heaping scoop of Voter Suppression, sifted to remove excess democracy
• 3 tbsp Militarized Policing, generously cracked down upon
• A dash of Militia Groups (optional, but adds great texture)
• Salt to taste (or until fact-checkers cry)
Preparation
1. Preheat the Public Opinion Oven
• Set temperature to rising tensions by using 24/7 media outrage cycles.
• Slowly sprinkle in paranoia, ensuring fear is evenly distributed.
2. Sauté the External Threats
• Heat up a large state-controlled media pan.
• Throw in the Imported External Threats (Canada? Really? Yes, Canada.) and stir constantly until the public believes war is inevitable.
• Remind everyone that their universal healthcare, politeness, and maple syrup are all deeply suspicious.
3. Add Internal Enemies & Scapegoated Minorities
• Chop up journalists, activists, and dissenters into small, easily-dismissed pieces.
• Toss them in with the Scapegoated Minorities and stir until everyone blames each other instead of the chef.
4. Deglaze with Nationalist Nostalgia
• Pour in a golden-hued vision of the past that never existed, stirring constantly while promising a return to greatness.
• Add Thinly Veiled Theocracy, which pairs beautifully with an ignorance reduction sauce.
5. Simmer Until Rights Erode
• Drop in Militarized Policing and let it cook down, ensuring every protest is met with tear gas and batons.
• Stir in Corporate Corruption, letting billionaires soak up all the wealth.
• Reduce heat, allowing Voter Suppression to slowly thicken the sauce.
6. Season to Preference
• If dish lacks bite, add Militia Groups for a spicy kick.
• If losing flavor, introduce new enemies (trans people, school curriculums, or books work great).
• Be sure to gaslight the masses—tell them this dish tastes just like freedom.
7. Bring to a Boil
• Let unchecked power bubble until laws dissolve.
• If the pot boils over, blame a marginalized group and crank up the police budget
Serving Suggestions
• Best served over white rice.
• Pair with a tall glass of gaslighting, preferably chilled.
• Garnish with flags, eagle imagery, and a perfectly timed rally speech.
Storage Instructions
• Leftovers can be reheated for future elections.
• If dish cools down, simply incite a riot and warm on high heat.
• Freeze in case of future coup attempts.
Bon appétit!
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