QUIETING THAT LITTLE VOICE THAT STRESSES ME OUT

August 20, 2020

By Jen Butler

I’ve spent so much of my life doing things to make other people see me a certain way. I talk about my accomplishments or my wounds, depending on the conversation and the crowd and which topic I intuit will most impress. I’ve observed people, learned their likes and their humor, and then adjusted to fit in.

Perhaps this is part of being human. A desire for connection, for a tribe. A desire to be liked.

But I wondered tonight, while folding super comfy pajama pants I normally wear with mis-matched socks and an old lady sweater (but only alone, in the privacy of my own home), “What if people would have liked me anyway? If I hadn’t have tried to be a certain way. If I didn’t exhaust myself with witty banter or getting the last word. What would be different?”

Perhaps nothing would be different. Maybe the same people would be my friends and colleagues.

Or maybe, just maybe, my life would be a little different.

Maybe if I reallocated my credits of “care” toward being myself, standing up for myself, and saying what I wanted to say rather than what I thought would be most popular… Maybe I’d have smile lines instead of the crinkle in between my eyebrows from a near-perpetual furrowed brow.

I stress myself out. And I say that in the most loving way possible. I stress myself out, recognize that I’m stressing myself out, decide to worry less and relax more, then share this awareness with those close to me, all of whom are like: “Yea duh. You didn’t realize you were a bit high strung and super hard on yourself? Glad you’re learning to take it easy.”

And I’m like: OH. I’M DOING SOMETHING THEY AGREE WITH AND LIKE. I SHOULD DO MORE OF THIS.

And so, naturally, I then dive into a very dedicated and regimented plan on how to be the most relaxed person I can be.

I’ve always been irritated by the people who say, “This is just how I am. I can’t change.”

But I realize I’ve been camping out on the other end of that extreme: “I can change everything about myself until I become the exact person I want to be.”

Spoiler alert: the “exact person I want to be” is a moving target, it’s not at all a quantifiable goal, and the comparison between myself and that dream version of me results in my feeling left behind, left out, and generally like a failure.

But it’s not that I feel I’m failing my parents or friends. I feel I’m failing myself.

I feel a compulsive need to be “good” and think only good thoughts, say only good words, and take only good action. And any time something goes poorly in my life, I tell myself I wasn’t good enough and I must have manifested it with some sort of negative thinking, and I must do better.

While walking my dog today, I marveled at the white fabric peeking out from my shoes and the fact that this was the first time I’d gone in public without no-show socks. I was wearing the “wrong” socks for the shoe choice. This would have been debilitating to me in the past. (+1 point for progress, Jen!) (But -1 for poor style, which could fall under the genre of poor self-care.) (Net zero. Try better next time. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.)

I smiled at the socks, and continued the self-analysis work I’d been doing all day (and most days). I was scanning my brain for limiting beliefs and negative thoughts so I could eradicate them all with my laser beam vision, which stems from perfectionism, which stems from seeing myself negatively rather than lovingly. I was trying to stop negativity with something that is, by its very nature, negative. Trying to fix my thoughts with my thoughts.

I then had the thought pop in my head of “restriction,” and I remembered my relationship with food when I struggled with disordered eating.

I obsessively labeled foods as good and bad, shaming myself if I ate or craved a bad food, and feeling a temporary relief (combined with a bit of elitism) upon consumption of good foods. I knew there was factual evidence backing up certain foods being healthy and others being unhealthy. This was the perfect thing for me to control! I will be the healthiest eater ever!

Until I realized that food itself stressed me out, no matter the type. And consistent stress is far more harmful than occasionally eating a bowl of Life cereal.

I removed the labels of good and bad around food and instead re-learned how to trust my body and its signals.

My relationship with food and my body are both healthier than they’ve ever been. It’s not perfect. I sometimes still stress out over end-of-the-world stuff, like running out of vegetable juice, and then my boyfriend talks me back to earth. Overall, it’s much better and life feels easier.

Today, I realized I’ve been treating my thoughts and self-work the same way. I’ve found a new application for perfectionism and obsessive compulsion: monitoring and judging my thoughts and words.

It’s like a proofreader’s dream: “Your job is to tell me what’s wrong with everything I’m thinking, saying, and doing.”

I’ve rarely ended a day without a needs improvement stamped on my forehead, in the shape of a deepening brow crease. If I feel accomplished on any given day, I feel relief rather than celebration. “No negative points today, Jen. Now just do every day like today except a little bit better and then you’ll be positive and get everything you desire.”

Is anyone else stressed out reading this? I’m stressed out writing it, while also feeling so fucking free for owning how I feel and how I experience life.

Yes, I believe it is true that our thoughts and feelings and actions and words create our reality.

It is also true that we are here to have a human experience, which is imperfect in its very nature, and I personally think it’s far healthier for me to let the fuck go and allow for a natural progression of life than to try and control every word, thought, and step.

Because even if I say everything positively and in alignment with my positive new belief system, I’m still doing it from a place of fear. And stress. And furrowed brow-ness.

What’s in between “This is just how I am; I can’t change” and “I’m gonna’ change everything so I can be perfect.”?

I don’t know. I’m thinking it’ll find me. And I’m thinking it starts with removing the labels of “good” and “bad”.

Did you know I lost the extra fat on my body when I removed labels on food, even though I increased the “bad” foods and decreased the “good” ones? It’s because I stopped giving them so much power. I learned what it felt like to feel actual hunger rather than approaching diet analytically as if I was a research project.

If my brain is ever like, “OH NO YOU SHOULD GO EXERCISE OR YOU’LL GET FAT,” I will march my happy ass into the kitchen and eat a “bad” food and be like, “I refuse to exercise with that mindset or to be held captive by it. So this chocolate is code for FUCK YOU.”

And then I eat it.

And then the thoughts shut up because they don’t know what to do with their hands. And the stress immediately leaves.

And do I get fat? Nope. I’m the fittest I’ve ever been. Truly.

I’m not sure what the equivalent will be for the self-help, self-analysis stuff. Maybe it’s as simple as removing the labels and seeing what happens next. Maybe if I find myself being all like, “Oh that thought was bad, -2 points, and now you’ll attract negative things from the Universe” I can respond with something like “Gosh I sure hope my head falls off” or “Fingers crossed for food poisoning!” or “I sure like the word ‘c*nt’ even though it pisses people off.”

It’s the same approach recommended for people to escape other perfectionistic or anxiety-ridden tendencies. For instance, folks who nervously sweat can start being like, “I’m going to sweat more than I ever have today. Gallons of it. GALLONS!” And, in time? The nervous sweats stop.

Yea, seriously. It’s real.

So, while all y’all Love and Light Brigaders are telling your clients that the reason their lives are the way they are is because they need to eat clean and that their thoughts aren’t perfect enough, I’m going to be eating chocolate and exclaiming “CU*NT!” from my basement apartment while wearing a grandma sweater and mis-matched socks.

Maybe it won’t get me out of my apartment. Maybe it won’t bring me abundance. Maybe after a surprising unexplainable beheading you can be like, “I knew Jen before her head fell off.”

But, in the meantime, it’ll be a helluva lot more fun. And maybe, in the process, I’ll gain some smile lines.

Jen Butler is a comedic real-talk writer and artist in recovery from alcoholism, addiction, self-harm, disordered eating, cancer, Breast Implant Illness, and a weird period of time when she only listened to dubstep. Her passion is helping people feel less crazy and alone by openly sharing her own experience, strength, and hope. Her portfolio, books, and one video with a flamingo puppet can be found at www.jenniferannbutler.com.

Online Webgasm With Jen and Lidia

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THE ALEKSANDER SCHOLARSHIP FUND

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Guest Posts, healing, Manifestation Retreats, Retreats/Workshops

The Aleksander Scholarship Fund.

October 17, 2016

If you want to donate please use Venmo at @Jennifer-Pastiloff or paypal. If you prefer to send check, please email jenniferpastiloffyoga@gmail.com.

or below:

I just got back from leading a retreat in Tuscany and it was as magical as you would imagine. But what made it even more so was that Julia Anderson was in attendance. Thank to you guys!

Let me back up. Julia is a reader of my site and follows me on social media. She had taken my yoga classes in Santa Monica years ago and then fell in love and moved to Norway but continued to follow me online. She posted on my Facebook in August that she needed to reach out to me desperately. Luckily my mom (God bless her) saw the message and told me, so I reached out to Julia. I didn’t know who she was. But I reached out despite having my screaming brand new baby in my arms.

And am I ever glad I did. You know how you have those Sliding Doors moments in life? Remember that movie? Where you realize things could’ve gone another way if you chose this door instead of that door. I mean, it’s always like that in life, but sometimes we are so keenly aware of a parallel life if we had chosen differently.

She was writing to me from the hospital in Norway. I started to read her email and called my husband over to take my baby Charlie.

She was writing from the hospital because she was 40 weeks pregnant and 6 days and was to be induced the next day. But her baby’s heart had stopped beating. I continued reading through my tears. Of course I was in shock that I was receiving this email since I didn’t remember her from my class. She told me that we were the same age, that in fact, we shared a birthday. She said she had met a Norwegian man and fallen in love. She said she was desperate and needed to know if I had any resources for her. She had been following my Facebook page for years and knew what kind of safe environment I had created and she had remembered seeing posts about one of my best friends, Emily Rapp Black, whose baby Ronan died from Tay Sachs a few years back. She remembered that and emailed me, before anyone else, from the hospital.

Standing there with my arms still warm from holding my son, I felt guilty and angry and devastated and I yearned for my boy back and I wanted to fly to Norway and I wanted to build a time machine to go back in time and induce her baby earlier and I panicked and I felt an ache like I had never felt before, an ache so profound that I felt like I was dying. I kept reading her words and wondered why some of us have to experience such pain in this life? I felt like I was slipping out of my body.

Hi Jen!
Thanks for getting back to me so fast. I have been following your posts for a few years. I know about your loss in the past, about Emily’s tradegy, and you write about loss sometimes. I lost my second baby at 40+6 today, less than 24 hours before induction tomorrow. His heart just stopped beating this afternoon. I feel so lost. if you have any advice for me on where to turn, what to read or anything I can do to find peace please let me know..

Girl Power: You Are Enough, Guest Posts, Jen Pastiloff, Jen's Musings

You’re Enough. Don’t Be An Asshole & Go Forgetting That.

August 16, 2015

By Jen Pastiloff

As you know if you follow me on social media or come to my workshops etc, I am very passionate about my latest project: Girl Power: You Are Enough. And yes, the book is on the way. Stay tuned for more on that front.

By the way, hi. It’s been a while. I’ve been busy. I’ve been in a funk. I haven’t been writing. I’ve been this, that, the other thing, what does it matter- when I am not writing or creating I am dead inside, and I am tired of feeling dead inside so here I am. Hi.

I am ready to be back. I just finished my friend Rene Denfeld’s book The Enchanted and it is one of the best books I HAVE EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE SO I MUST SCREAM. Read it now.

I was inspired after reading The Enchanted so I: a) fell as asleep with a highlighter on my bed and ruined my sheets even as I said, “Jen, don’t fall asleep with a highlighter open because you will ruin your sheets. b) Dreamt of creating and enchantment. c) woke up and ate some weird salad because I am on a cleanse, not like you care but hey, my blog, my rules and this is my 8th day with no coffee or booze. Yay, me! This is big for me as someone who exists in extremes and knows no moderation. d) Decided to write to you. Are you there? Hi.

So, my latest project is basically my workshop I do but specifically designed for young women. To remind them that they are enough and that they do have a voice. (Same goes for all of us. Duh.) It is an empowerment workshop. It is a workshop about embracing fear and letting go of what “they” think, and basically, remembering that you are a motherf*cking superstar. (We all are. Unless you are an asshole. Don’t be an asshole* see footnote.) It launches next month in Princeton on September 19 (must be at least 13) followed by NYC the next day on September 20th (must be 16 for that one due to studio policy.) There will be some yoga (no experience required, just as in my regular workshops.) I use the yoga as a vehicle to get the participants more open and vulnerable. To release their armor, as it were. You have to bring a journal and an open heart and a sense of humor (as always.) And your badass self. So, if you have any daughters or your friends do, or neighbors, or you yourself, please sign up. If you cannot afford it, I have a few tickets to give away from beautiful women who have sponsored you to go. Lara Heimann will co-lead the workshop with me and my first ambassador, Justine Clifton will give a little chat. This is my passion right now and I am here on my bed, on a hot summer day, begging you, wait, let me get on my knees, I AM ON MY KNEES, begging you to help me with this on all fronts. This work is important.

highlighted sheets.

Justine Clifton

Book Girl Power: You Are Enough now! A workshop for girls and teens. Space is limited. Sep 19 Princeton! Sep 20th NYC. The book is also forthcoming from Jen Pastiloff.

Guest Posts, Inspiration, Manifestation Workshops

Not Just For The Ladies.

September 24, 2014

By David Krause.

Note from Jen: David just attended one of my workshops in South Dakota and posted this on my Facebook wall. I am blown away, to say the least.

ManifestStation Workshops-Not Just for the Girls.

I was in Santa Monica last April visiting some friends and thought I’d try yoga.

Jen instructed the 2nd class I ever attended (I had no idea how big of a deal she is-I was pretty lucky). I struggled through class but loved it. Afterward I thanked her for being patient with a rookie from South Dakota. She laughed and invited me to her workshop in Sioux Falls, SD in September. ‘See you there!’ I said, having no idea what a workshop was, but struck mainly by her enthusiasm and energy.

Months later, I learned that 1-Jen is a legend in the yoga world, and 2-yoga workshops involve journaling and talking about feelings.

I like to play sports, climb mountains, shoot trap, fly fish, and look for sweet deals on shotgun shells to shoot trap with. So I don’t have a journal, and I will listen to anyone talk about their feelings but don’t do much with mine. Skeptical about attending, I thought Jen would forget and I could stay in my comfort zone.

More months later, Jen remembered, and wrote on my Facebook timeline where, when, and that I should bring a journal.

Like an absolute goofball, I messaged her – ‘what is class like? I don’t journal much. I’m not sure if this is for me.’ She got down to brass tacks and told me it’s about getting out of my comfort zone.

For 3 hours that night I could be found 100 miles from my nearest comfort zone-45 female yoga pros and the lone male in his late 20s.

It was totally necessary and entirely enlightening. I could end up being pretty damn boring if I’m focused only on being a resident the next 5 or 6 years. I could miss the moments in life to smile, to make somebody smile, and to be fully human.

I could neglect current relationships and not make new ones.

But for 3 hours Jen led and taught me how to prevent that with introspection and a consistent sense of wonder. Jen has that light which lets you know she’s fully human. It is evident that she feels more intensely, more keenly, more loudly. She’s sharing that with the world-the boys just need to show up with an open mind.

And yes . . . a journal!” ~ David in South Dakota.

Note from Jen again: Hi, it’s me again. I wanted to share this for the men. You can come. You see? It’s not just for the ladies! See you Sat in NYC!

For a list of Jen’s upcoming events click here.

click to order Simplereminders new book.

5 Most Beautiful Things, Guest Posts, I Have Done Love

It’s Everything. By Elizabeth Crane.

September 22, 2013

The following piece was a submission for my #5mostbeautifulthings contest last June. The idea being that we walk around actively looking for beauty, and then, share our findings with the world. Okay, by world I mean the world of social media. But still. It’s a beautiful exercise which truly opens the channel for, not only creativity, but for life itself, because what else is there really, besides paying attention?

Elizabeth Crane Brandt is a beloved American author and, most recently, my pen pal. Yes, you read correctly. Real. Life. Letters. Gasp!

She has a tremendous ability to weave words right into your heart and to leave a little something there: a scarf, or note, an imprint of love.

five most beautiful things today (which is not yesterday or tomorrow)

Elizabeth Crane

1) My dog’s snout and paws. This will have to be one thing. Very often they are seen together. After seven years, it only just dawned on me that I take pictures of these two parts of him just about every day. It may seem at first glance like these pictures are largely similar, but if there weren’t nuances, I’m sure I wouldn’t keep doing it. The snout and paws of today are not the snout and paws of yesterday; today is not yesterday, tomorrow isn’t today, and what if, after he’s gone, I didn’t have all these daily photos to look at from the beginning? Maybe I’m writing the story of my dog, one snout and paws photo at a time. More will be revealed. Snout and paws. One beautiful thing.

2) My dad’s old barn that just fell down. I can’t. Even. It just happened yesterday; I found out this morning. I feel like I may as well be under that very pile of boards right now. We’ve known it was coming, there was a hole in the roof the size of a bathtub, but that barn was a symbol of everything beautiful about my childhood, and there was more than plenty representing what wasn’t. (Google: NYC 1960s-70s and I promise one of the first three choices will have ‘gritty’ or ‘dangerous’ in it. There was plenty of beauty there too, but the danger went a long way to canceling that out for me when I was six and eight.) (Also: cross-reference item # 1 here, as regards number of photos taken/subtle nuances – I do not live in Iowa, but I have taken countless photos on each trip I’ve made there, and I am, now that the barn is partway to the ground, gladder than ever that I did. Though I’d kind of just like to have it put back the way it was, if requests are being taken. Not the deal, I know, but I’m in the denial phase of grief.)

3) The piles of letters and emails my dad wrote me over the years from the time I was about eight (parents divorced, Dad lived in Iowa, we lived in NY), encouraging me to be a writer, telling me what a great daughter I was.

4) The sky out the window of our little Brooklyn apartment. There are some buildings below that sky that I could take or leave, as well an old smokestack (were I given a magic set of paints, I would take out the two taller buildings behind the smokestack but leave the smokestack in, I would leave the rusty sloped roof of the old church in front of the smokestack, which is nicely framed on either side by a street full of trees that are lush from the rain we’ve been having all week, and then I would also maybe erase at least the top floor of building directly across the street, and/or paint in a family counselor for the parents in the window across the way who are relentlessly yelling at their beautiful little boy who obviously just doesn’t want to go to church this week). The fact remains: you can see a whole bunch of sky from the sofa. It’s good all times of day. It’s good in the morning with the first cup of coffee and at dusk (we face west) it’s a whole bunch of those gorgeously moody dusk-time colors that make me feel like everything crummy is going down with the sun, that it’s all getting reset, that the world is good and right.

5) How my husband looks at me. It’s everything. It would be pointless to try to describe it, but somebody looks at you like this, they must, and if they don’t today, they will tomorrow, I’m sure of it.

For more on Elizabeth check out her site: elizabethcrane.com

Also, although I swore I would never do another contest, I should stop swearing), I am. This one is themed #iHaveDoneLove.

Follow me on instagram at @jenpastiloff for details. It will involve pictures (why I chose Instagram as the platform) as well as writing. My favorites. You can win a spot at my next retreat over New Years in Ojai, California. The hashtag will be #iHaveDoneLove

At the end of your life, when you say one final “What have I done?” let your answer be: I have done love.

Thanks Elizabeth. You did. Love, that is.

xo jen

And So It Is, Awe & Wonder, Guest Posts

The Art Of Doing Nothing. By Mirela Gegprifti

July 29, 2013

The Art Of Doing Nothing. By Mirela Gegprifti.

I think I have always loved the Italian language. Having a BA in Italian language and literature makes this fact by no means a surprise. Growing up and watching RAI – one of the Italian TV channels – somewhat instilled in me the love for this melodious language. I studied Italian for eight years and God knows how many componimenti (essays) I have had to write and analyze Italian poets, writers, and scholars.

Learning a new language is a transformative process – one learns of a country’s culture and point of view on different subjects: love, social attitudes and customs, likes and dislikes, history and politics. To this day, whenever I communicate and engage in Italian, I feel transported to another dimension of my being.

Through the years I have also had my share of heartbreaks with it too. I have fallen in love with different Italian poets and eventually ‘cheated’ on some of my favorite writers. It is never hard to have a favorite Italian tune on the tip of my tongue either, whether I am cleaning my apartment or just being in a good mood.

The list of likes is substantive when it comes to anything Italian. My critique of it follows too, but that would be another essay altogether. Yet, my love for this beautiful language, its singers, food, capuccino (or cappuccio as the Italians call it) as well as my fascination with this rich culture simply resist time.

In the midst of such vast cultural repertoire where so much can be admired and appreciated, oddly – at first sight – my love of it does not land in Gabrielle D’Annunzio’s and Francesco Petrarca’s (Petrarch) poems, which I joyfully used to memorize during high school, nor does it go in the direction of Dante’s fascinating idea of Inferno, aka karma (hey, you only rip what you sow!), or towards a long list of past and current writers and scholars. Instead, it lands in one particular verb: Oziare.

I respectfully like to add that the translation of this word to English just doesn’t do justice to its embodied conceptual and cultural richness. Idleness is but one of the connotations of oziare as the rest would be reflecting, absorbing, enjoying and cherishing – all in the NOW. The idea of being present in the now, while applying all of the above, is what oziare is all about. It is an active act of relaxation – one where while almost doing nothing, the subject is submitting him/herself to a meditative process of sorts.

With this semantic background in mind, and realizing this is a word that comes from a civilization that has given so much to the human tradition, would you be surprised if I speculated that the great Leonardo da Vinci would take time for some serious oziare in order to create the cupolas that hundreds of years later don’t cease to wow us?

But let’s not speculate at all actually. Any culture that has dedicated an actual word to the process of oziare needs to be applauded and studied carefully. In a way or another, a good part of the creative process consists exactly of this concept: doing ‘nothing’ on the outside, i.e., physically, while mentally, emotionally and intuitively one crosses worlds and runs through universes in search of a brush stroke, a musical note, or just a word.

Oziare. In Italy the act of taking time to enjoy food, be with yourself and family, is an art with deep roots. Those who have traveled there know way too well that people sit around the dinner table for a while, in order to enjoy each other’s company and conversation. Sadly, however, as globalization trends continue to sweep the globe we see how such customs start to change at least at a generational level where youth, for instance, start to adopt a lifestyle that emulates more and more the American culture.

Before summer is over, make it a point to pronounce this word out loud to yourself and actually live it even for an hour. Next time you decide to give yourself some time, as you lay on a beach chair, sand, or close to the one you love, say it like you mean it – mi piace oziare! (I love to rest!). Take your time to savor the moment – a moment that will never repeat itself in its full entirety.

We don’t always have the good fortune to travel to faraway wonderful places but luckily, we can let our minds and attitudes rest for a while as we adopt the best that cultures have to offer.

Wherever you are this summer give yourself permission for some well-deserved Oziare experience.

Make this your summer of Oziare.

Mirela Gegprifti is an Ayurveda Consultant, in-training, with the renowned Kripalu Center. She is also an avid yoga practitioner and a student of Paramahansa Yogananda; a published poet; and writer with an interest in wellbeing and culture. A passionate advocate of self and human development–with a Master’s degree in Feminist Literary Theory and another in International Education–you can follow her reflections in her new bloghttps://LivingLightClub.wordpress.com/.

**To join Jen on her next invite only Italian retreat please email barbara@jenniferpastiloff.com or click here

Q & A Series, Uncategorized

Go Big or Go Home. Meet Cheryl Kellond. The Manifestation Q&A Series.

June 25, 2012

Welcome to The Manifestation Q&A Series.

I am Jennifer Pastiloff and this series is designed to introduce the world to someone I find incredible. Someone who is manifesting their dreams on a daily basis.

Someone like Cheryl Kellond.

Today’s guest is Cheryl Kellond, one of my students, who I’ve gotten to know really well over the past year. Cheryl is a mother of four, an entrepreneur, and a triathlete. And somehow she balances it all ….while being able to chew gum at the same time. Grrr. She has a really big goal to hit by July 13th and it is forcing her to manifest in a whole new way and reach WAY beyond her comfort zone.

Jennifer Pastiloff: What is the biggest lessons you’ve learned from triathlon

Cheryl Kellond: The three most important things I’ve learned through tri are:

Unleashing your inner athlete creates awesome power in every aspect of your life that goes WAY beyond sport. <= This fires me up so much I want every woman to experience it.
If you push outside of your comfort zone long enough and hard enough, you’ll establish a new threshold. The ability to own and control this growth is very powerful.
The biggest – and only – real competition is me vs. me. I don’t beat myself up if others do better. But I am also accountable to push myself to my own best performance. Merely doing better than others is not enough.

…that said, even when competing against yourself, it’s always fun to “chick” the boys!

Jennifer Pastiloff: Is triathlon the only thing you are passionate about.

Cheryl Kellond: No. I come from the business world so one of my favorite things is to support other women in business. I am constantly drumming up support for other female-founded businesses. Through my corporate career I’ve mentors dozens of up and coming women. I am one of a small group that can show the choice between career and family doesn’t have to be binary. I actually I feel I have an obligation to “give back” because of this.

Jennifer Pastiloff: What are you Manifesting right now. You know, what sh*t are you making happen?

Cheryl Kellond: I’ve combined my passion for endurance sports with a ballsy “Go Big or Go Home” business. I’ve started my own company – Bia — around women’s sports and fitness. And I am not talking about a services business, or a software business, but a business that also involves consumer electronics. [www.bia-sport.com]

We’ve spent the past 18 months bootstrapping, borrowing, begging and hustling to design and prototype the first GPS sports watch designed for women (although guys are scooping it up too.) Other products are big ugly wrist computers that just give you data on how fast or how far you’ve gone. Ours has an iconic look, fits beautifully on smaller wrists, and has this brilliant safety feature.

Bia isn’t just selling a product, we are enabling motivation, pride, and freedom for the 45M women making running, fitness, and endurance sports part of their lives.

Here is a fun video of Bia in action.

Jennifer Pastiloff: Can you share with us a bit about your journey, leaving the safety of a corporate paycheck to follow your passion?

Cheryl Kellond: My journey reads like an inspiration board from Pinterest.

It started like this:

This was easy. I have four kids, a career, and training – there is only so much time in the day – it was like the ultimate multitasking!

Then it went like this.

I’ve always been a risk taker and truly believe I can do anything. And I have. We built a killer team, developed prototypes of an amazing product and secured a large manufacturing partner. It sounds impossible, but I did it.

Despite all we did, we still need additional investment to get the product to market. Traditional venture capital investors believe in the business plan but the don’t think women care enough about fitness and sports to be a real market for us. They won’t invest until they see sales. But I can’t sell until the product is done. The classic Catch-22. Again, seemingly impossible. I was stuck.

And then someone reminded me of this. And I came full circle.

Business is like sports. I wasn’t going to create magic unless I was outside of my comfort zone. The emphasis on MY. The only way to achieve MY big magic was to push MY big limits.

Jennifer Pastiloff: So what is outside your comfort zone?

Cheryl Kellond: Asking for help. And that is what I am doing right now.

In order to prove to investors that we have a market – and to raise the money we need to finish up our product – we launched it on Kickstarter.

Kickstarter is a crowd-funding platform that lets people pledge money to products and projects they are passionate about to ensure they get to market. Based on the amount of the pledge, backers get different rewards. In the case of Bia, backing our project means you can be the first to rock your wrist with a Bia sports watch. It’s sort of like pre-buying a Bia, but at a discount! There are other rewards too. And pledge – even $1– makes a difference.

The trick with Kickstarter is that it’s an all or nothing funding model. We have until July 13th to reach a $400K fundraising goal. If we don’t reach that goal, none of our backers will have their credit cards charged, but we also don’t get any funding and we aren’t able to get this product to market. High stakes!!

So this means I need to ask hundreds of friends and strangers to help, both by backing my project and spreading the word to get their friends to back it too. This is WAY outside of my comfort zone.

I need to constantly remind myself that asking for help is actually offering someone the opportunity to share in my success. It proves them the satisfaction of helping create it. You actually do a great job of reminding me that and I’ve blogged about it before. You are my role model on this. To bring it back to a triathlon analogy, it’s like letting someone draft off of you on the bike.

It’s should be even easier with Bia, because asking someone to back us on Kickstarter means they can ensure this product they love becomes a reality and that they get it first.

Jennifer Pastiloff: Ok, so let’s manifest some MAGIC. 30 seconds outside your comfort zone. Go!

Cheryl Kellond: Bia’s most unique feature is that it’s the only sports watch with a safety alert. If you are ever in trouble out on a solo workout, just press a button, and your location is sent to loved ones and emergency services. Bia gives you the freedom and peace of mind to run whenever, wherever. That’s a pretty awesome gift to yourself or to a friend.

So if you are a runner, if you know a runner, or just want to be part of proving magic happens when you leave your comfort zone: check us out on Kickstarter and back our project so we can get this amazing product to market!

Jennifer Pastiloff: Nice work! And how about to wrap up. What are some words you live by?

Cheryl Kellond: That’s easy.

Pretty Form + Pretty Smile = Pretty Fast

It started as a running mantra but it applies to everyday life. Pretty Form is really just acting with intention and mindfulness and staying focused not just on the end goal, but the path you take to get there.

Pretty Smile. We all know that a smile begets another smile. It’s also the perfect way to “Act as if”…sort of wearing your vision board on your face, if that makes any sense. More interestingly, and I’ve done some reading on this, scientifically smiling also releases endorphins which give you more energy, more creative powers and more strength. It actually has hardcore physiological benefits….very similar to endurance sports.

And both together are the fastest way to achieve your dreams.

Support Bia on Kickstarter

Follow Cheryl Kellond on Twitter

Bia’s Website

Follow Jen Pastiloff on Twitter

Guest Posts

Manifest-Station Message of the Day.

June 10, 2012

There’s no getting it right, there’s just getting it AWESOME.
Notice where you are letting external forces (people’s opinions, not being able to do a handstand, gaining 3 pounds) take you away from your SOA (Sense of Awesome.)
Find the ATL (Awesome Through Line) no matter what.

It’s in you at all times.
Connect to Your Inner Awesome and Shine On.
No.
Matter.
What.

Keep Getting It Awesome.

Tweet me with #GeiitingItAwesome

The amazing Joe Longo took this photo and made the poster. Click to connect to Joe.

Joe Longo is Awesome! Click to connect to him.

***Feel free to share images.

Guest Posts, Inspiration, Manifestation Workshops

The Power of Connection. A Must Read.

March 1, 2012

I wrote a piece yesterday called: What I Learned From an 8 Year Old, which, as it turns out, was a helluva lot.

And which, was my most popular blog post to date. I had thousands (yes, you read right) hits on this particular piece yesterday. Guess we can all learn from children?

Here is that post.

What I Learned From An 8 Year Old.

I got an email later that day from the mom of Little Jen (L.J.), the 8 year old I learned so much from. I met her mom through social media. She found me on Positively Positive and then entered my Twitter Contest I was running with Karen Salmansohn about inspiration. I loved reading her hourly tweets.

With her permission I am sharing the email she sent me yesterday. It made me cry and it also inspired me to be a better person. To be the best possible parent when I have kids. To live more fully and be more vulnerable. To be real. To connect with people I might never have connected with. To allow life to touch me.

She did not win the contest ( by choice). Katherine, a young college student who tweeted us about every 15 minutes won instead. It was a tie between the two and the “mom”, in true mom fashion, let the kid win.

Without further ado, here is the email.

It is beyond gorgeous. I am humbled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“The Email”

Wow. Seriously? Wow, Jen.

After reading your post today, my mind is spinning. There are both no words and a flood of words swirling around in my head.

Let me share with you what brought me to your class on Saturday.

Last year I was offered my dream job. It had the big fancy title, an impressive paycheck, and lots of prestige. It was in my area of expertise and a field I wanted to explore. I leapt at the chance. My heart swelled. I was so excited that finally, FINALLY, I had the brass ring. This past January, a little over a year after accepting my dream job, I resigned. It broke my heart, but my year working at my dream job was one of the worst years of my life. I was constantly stressed out, unhappy, unhealthy and I now had both Xanex and Prozac in my medicine cabinet. But worst of all, I felt like a failure. By the company’s standards I was doing well. By my standards I was failing. After a year, I wasn’t making the progress or having the impact I knew I could make. I felt like I could have been doing so much better. My whole life I’d gotten ahead by working harder and being smarter than the average bear. That didn’t work here. It was too political and I’m too blunt and impatient. I had ideas and strategies that I knew would be successful, but couldn’t get approval to implement them. Mediocre is not my style. I couldn’t do the work I set out to do and I was MISERABLE. And worst of all, my misery was impacting my sweet family.

So, without another job lined up, without a clue what my next move would be, in a crappy economy, I quit my job. Everyone told me I was crazy. For decades, I have worked my ass off to be successful, thinking success would make me happy. I was wrong. I had literally won showcase #2 and I was miserable. I had saved up enough money to give myself some time to figure things out. I am blessed that my husband has a good job, so I didn’t have to give up any benefits. But still. I’m used to taking care of my family and myself, so this was scary.

I moved forward knowing three things:

1. I had to find a way to be my own boss so I could set my own hours and be able to put my family first.

2. I had to be able to wear flip flops and jeans every day. No more dress up.

3. Whatever my new venture would be, it would be a social enterprise that benefitted my community.

My first course of action was to read. I read books, blogs, magazines, recipes for success and the back of cereal boxes. I read your Manifesto Of My Identity on the Positively Positive website and started following your blog. I read the books You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay, A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, among others. I started reading A Course In Miracles. A whole new world opened up to me. One based on Love, Faith, and more Love. One where fear did not exist. One where happiness was a decision, not a result. A world where I am amazing and not less-than. A world I wanted to share with my family and friends.

I also entered your amazing twitter contest. I wanted to go to Ojai – I even wrote it on my manifestation mirror. The retreat pictures were intoxicating and I’m pretty sure I’ve been to that building in a previous life. For the contest, I made rules for myself. I couldn’t get out of bed until I found something inspiring to tweet. There were days the kids were almost late for school. Also, I couldn’t stockpile inspirational tweets. If I felt inspired at any time, I made myself tweet it right then– no saving something for tomorrow. Halfway thru the contest I almost quit because the exercise of saying Wow, Life is Great one or two times a day was its own reward. Ojai became irrelevant.

Flash forward to last Saturday. I almost didn’t come. I was listening to my fears:

1. I’m out of shape and Austin is filled with healthy, athletic people and I knew I’d be the biggest one in the room.

2. You would be disappointed meeting me, like online dating 🙂

3. I was worried I had put you on a pedestal and that you’d turn out to be human.

But I really wanted to meet this sparkplug, rock star, manifesting yoga teacher I had found on the Internet – there is a reason I found you when I did. I really wanted to experience manifestation yoga. More than anything, I really, really wanted the opportunity for my daughter to meet you. She is amazing and along with her twin brother (!), a gift from the gods. It’s my job to show her how wonderful life is and have her meet amazing people (Someday, some way, someone will break her heart. Someone will try to crush her dreams. I need to fortify her for that time so she can say “So what. Life is still amazing, awe-inspiring, and beautiful. Next”). Finally, I really felt the need to tell you in person how happy I am that you are on this earth, doing what you are doing. I don’t think we tell each other those kind of things as much as we should.

I’m so glad I came and brought Jen. I fell in love the minute you were kind to my daughter and I could see that you got her. She is over the moon about you, too.

You have helped me on my journey more than you will ever know, and for this I am eternally grateful. I hope all your dreams come true.

Jen will be sending her own note 🙂 Thank you for all of your kind words about her.

Love,

Daily Manifestation Challenge

But It’s Going to Be So Hard! The DMC.

December 1, 2011

But It’s Going To Be So Hard!

Yes, I admit it. I have been guilty of saying that too. Before I actually knew if the “it” would indeed be hard. Or not. I have decided it’s hardness right away.

Like a true know-it-all.

We fill ourselves up with excuses all the time.

I am going to be so tired.

It will be hard.

I won’t have enough money.

I am too fat. I am too skinny. I am too old. I am too young.

It’s going to take forever.

There are so many excuses that I am actually getting tired thinking of them.

One of my favorite books by my teacher Wayne Dyer is Excuses Begone! where he delves into this idea beautifully.

Lately in my yoga classes I have been working with mantras. Whenever the students hands come into prayer, or together at any point in class, they say a silent mantra.

Whether the mantra is simply “Thank You” or “Today I am grateful for _____” depends on the theme of the class.

My own personal mantra lately has been ” My life is filled with ease.” Also ” I remain unattached to the outcome.”

The ease thing is one I struggle with. I too, like a lot of folks, have an old tape that tells me how difficult things are going to be and how long they will take. If I get stuck listening to that tape, I end up simply sitting in my house and having a panic attack.

And guess what, my Dear Manifesters? When one has a panic attack, one gets very little accomplished.

Very.

Little.

Slowly.

So here it is: My life is filled with ease.

(It’s also filled with joy.)

(Feel free to borrow my mantras. I share willingly.)

Today I had lunch with my friend Lori Deschene. Lori is the creator of one of my favorite websites called TinyBuddha. I recently had the honor of having an article published on TinyBuddha and my next one comes out my birthday, December 12th. Lori inspires me endlessly, but the biggest thing I am applauding her for right now is her new book.

As I sit here and begin the process of writing my book, I struggle with that tape “But Jen, it will be so hard. And it will take so so long.”

So I asked Lori this: Was it hard to write your book?

She told me, in so many words, that for a long time she told herself how hard it would be so she didn’t even attempt it. (An Aha! moment for me.) Once she actually started, it was a joy filled journey and the word “hard” never entered the equation.

And now her book is published and selling like hotcakes.

It’s good, Dear Manifesters. The book is very good.

So what is the point, you ask?

The point is this: Stop talking about how hard it will be and just do it. You have no idea what it will be like so please stop assuming the worst. Assume the best and get to work. Now go! Get off the computer. Get!

(Just to be clear: that was me talking to myself above. But feel free to pretend I am talking to you too.)

Please do not misunderstand me, either. I am not claiming that everything in life is a red velvet cupcake. I am simply suggesting that you might want to visualize something better than “It is hard” or ” I can’t afford it”.

Just try it and let me know what happens.

In the comment section below write down your old excuse. Begone with it. Be accountable.

And also feel free to make a list of your excuses (as we do in my workshops.) Make a list of those excuses and then rip it up and place them in a pile labeled Dookie.

Manifesting Your Life,

One Laugh At A Time,

My-life-Is-Filled-With-Ease-Jen

The Tiny Buddha book makes a great gift too. Support someone who followed their dreams and is living their bliss. Order here.

Daily Manifestation Challenge

The DMC: Daily Manifestation Challenge. FAITH.

October 13, 2011

Ah, Faith.

You gotta have it.

I cheated on my fears, broke up with my doubts, got engaged to my faith and now I’m marrying my dreams.

Today’s Daily Manifestation Challenge is about Faith. I actually asked a friend who is going through a hard time what my challenge should be today. In particular, her baby boy is dying from Tay-Sachs Disease.

She gave me a list.

I will slowly work through the list. Day by day. As she does.

So she is struggling with Faith.

I get it. I struggle with it a lot too.

Wikipedia says:

Faith is trust, hope and belief in the goodness, trustworthiness or reliability of a person, concept or entity. It can also refer to beliefs that are not based on proof (e.g. faith that a child will grow up to be a good person) . Religious faith is a belief in a transcendent reality, a religious teacher, a set of teachings or a Supreme Being. Generally speaking, it is offered as a means by which the truth of the proposition, “things will turn out well in the end,” can be enjoyed in the present and secured in the future. The concept of faith is a broad one: at its most general ‘faith’ means much the same as ‘trust’.

I get it: how can she trust in the Universe when her baby is being taken away from her? How could one ever have faith in anything again after that?

It’s a tough one. But the alternative is grim. If you lose faith or hope or trust or whatever word most aptly describes ‘faith’ to you, it becomes a slippery slope.

A slippery slope until you become simply a shadow of who you once were.

Take a look at your life and where faith plays a part. When do you experience faith or a lack thereof? For me, I feel faith in myself when I can clearly see that something I have said or done has helped someone have a breakthrough in their life in some small way or when one of the kids I teach yoga to with special needs learns how to Om. I feel faith in myself when I realize that I have found my bliss and the world is conspiring in my favor. I have faith in my nephew Blaise who struggles with Prader Willi Syndrome when I see how many strides he is making daily. The list goes on.

I used to think God hated me.

I decided that at a young age because a few things happened in my life that I could not comprehend. I did not understand what having faith meant for a long time. I had faith at a young age it and what good did it do? My dad still died at age 38.

I realize now that faith is renewable. At any given moment I can restore it.

I have found things that allow me to experience faith and I revel in what that feels like. I trust in things again. I allow myself to believe. Not just in myself but in human nature and kindness and love and all things that I once had lost faith in.

It is not always easy.

To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.
St Thomas Aquinas quotes

Faith and trust , in my universe, are much the same. At the moment, I am out of words to offer my dear friend Emily who is losing her baby. I do, however, have faith in her talent and humor and kindness and beauty and courage. I have faith that her book will sell and help many others who are experiencing similar grief.

Today’s Daily Challenge: You Gotta Have Faith!

In the Comment Section Below write where you have faith in your life or where you are lacking it. Where you may be struggling with faith. Or simply what Faith means to you. Can you renew your sense of faith in yourself? In love? In your career? In the Universe? In wherever it may be that you are lacking it? Can you offer someone else some glimpses into faith, someone who may be struggling? It’s not always easy, these daily Manifestation challenges. But they will get you to take a look at your life, and, if it’s applicable, make a shift or two.

Are you ready?

Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
Mother Teresa

Daily Manifestation Challenge, How To

Daily Manifestation Challenge: Don’t Let One Bad Day Make You Feel Like You Have a Bad Life.

October 11, 2011

Another piece of awesomeness from Karen Salmansohn at notsalmon.com

We’ve all had a bad day. I have had one or two. Hundred.

They suck. They make you feel like butting your head against a door and shaking your fist at the sky asking Why me? Why does my life suck so so badly? Why can’t I be like everyone else and have a life with no problems?

Ha. It does seem that way, doesn’t it? When life feels really sh*tty, it seems as if everybody, heck anybody’s life is shinier and happier.

Not.

I had a bad day yesterday and I said that aloud many times during the day.

I quickly realized my blunder. It wasn’t bad. It may have not been my favorite Monday, but it wasn’t bad.

I actually try and not to say things anymore like ” bad day”, my ” bad leg” referring to my injured leg, or my “bad ear”. I think it simply colors that thing in a way with no room for growth. And growth is what I am concerned with lately. So take that crappola day and flip that sucker. What can I learn from it? Who can I be because of it? What can I take away from that day which I have labeled very bad and which indeed may have been simply a lesson for me to grow kinder or simply more awesome? Maybe it is about self- awareness or being more compassionate or giving up the need to be right? Whatever it is, a bad day doesn’t mean you have a bad life.

Get over it.

The trick, for my money, which is a lot of money, millions of dollars money, is this: Laugh.

Yea, that’s right. Laugh. Like I say in class, if you fall you MUST laugh and take down your neighbor. So recently when I was on my way to Santa Fe and had a bona-fide meltdown at the airport because they wouldn’t let me board and I got rerouted to Dallas and one “bad” thing after the other kept happening, I laughed my ass off. I called my day ” Planes, Trains and Automobiles.”

Yes, it took a few hours. Might have taken a day even, but I wrote a blog about it and laughed.

One bad day doesn’t maketh a bad life.

Unless you say it does.

Aye, there’s the rub!

Do you declare it so? Do you decide that a bad day means you’re cursed? That every one of your days until the end of time will be bad? That you might as well throw in the towel now? Do you say: My life, from here on in, will be filled with nothing but bad bad days. And so it is.”

Well, stop!

Don’t miss the forrest for the trees. Don’t miss the opportunities for the slip-ups or break-ups. Don’t miss the wine for the glass.

Todays Daily Manifestation Challenge:

In the comments section below describe a “bad” day that you’ve had go ahead a laugh at it. If you dare. Was it an opportunity for any growth? Then write ” I have a great life!” Flip it!

You can read my “bad” day here. It’s funny and sad all at once like most “bad” days inevitably are.

Ps, every once in a while you are entitled to have a crappy day. That’s fine. In fact, have as many as you like. Just don’t decide that it’s who you are.

You are not the Possessor Of Endless Bad Days.

"I am Not The Possessor of Endless Bad Days"

Guest Posts

Today I’m Optimistic

September 7, 2011

Last night I went to my friend Mark Hobley’s art show and there was the painting. Yes, the one I am already thanking the universe for because it is hanging in my new house on the wall. It was made for me. Today I am Optimistic. Indeed!

Mark Hobley's painting

What are you optimistic about? Imagine if this was what you saw every morning upon rising?!

What are you thanking the Universe in advance for? Try waking up and saying Thank You immediately. Before coffee even. Before pulling the covers off. Before the I’m tired! Where’s the snooze button? Whisper it or yell it but say it! Thank You.

What are you optimistic about?

Today I am optimistic:

~that there’s a cure in the near future for Prader Willi Syndrome (PWS) and I will contribute to that research with my fundraising via retreats/t-shirts.

~ That miracles will continue to happen in my life and in those lives around me.

~ That I will continue to fearlessly think things I’ve never thought before, say things I’ve never said before, and doing things I’ve never done before.

~ I am optimistic today that I will continue to live in my top 1% (thank you Alissa Finerman for this concept!)

~ That I will continue to remember not to take things personally. That I am not the jerk whisperer.

~That my friends in the band Snow Patrol will rock the world with their newest album “Fallen Empires” and it will be the biggest hit they have ever experienced. And so it is!

~That LOVE like THIS will continue to inspire me and take over the planet. I wept at the video below. The mom in it inspires me. Doesn’t it make you feel optimistic about the human spirit and love? Imagine! And so it is.

~I’m optimistic that I’ll get to take many more vacations where I can do crow on a table in front of the ocean while my nephew watches with joy with or without floaties on his arms. I am optimistic that soon he will be the one on the table!

~Today I am optimistic because I have made it this far despite many many bumps in my road which not only could have thrown me off my horse, but potentially killed me. I am alive! I am very much alive! Indeed. Today I am optimistic.

Tanya-b clothes make me feel optimistic, inspired and ALIVE!

What are you optimistic about today?