CW: This essay discusses sexual assault and eating disorders
By Cyndie Randall
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable.”
– Fred Rogers
“Survivors feel unsafe in their bodies. Their emotions and their thinking feel out of control.”
– Judith Lewis Herman
The carpet was bitter this morning. It jammed itself between my toes – the first resistance – and burned the skin on my knees like tiny pin pricks.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
I never say “Amen” without remembering the empty, sweaty hands I’ve held in countless circles of healing.
Several complex galaxies were pushing on my back by the time I stood up, each so heavy that I went looking for my daughter and apologized to her immediately.
“Why are you sorry, mama?”
My body told me I’d be crawling back into bed after tea, so I answered her by giving an advance on the second apology.
The third one came a few hours later – “Oh my! Sorry!” The clock read 1:30 p.m. and I was still wearing a tattered nightgown when her friend bounced up the driveway and to our door. Continue Reading…