Beating Fear with a Stick

Collective Voices.

August 22, 2012

Welcome to the Collective Voices Series. I will pose questions on my Facebook, Twitter and here on my blog, and then share the responses with you all. My hope is that when we start to see all of our voices together here like this, swimming with each other, we feel less alone. Less like we are out there on an island, alone and floating at sea. We will feel more human.

Today’s question is: What Are You Afraid Of? F*ck You Fear! is the theme of this week.

These are the voices so far of you all saying Fuck You Fear! There, I didn’t asterik it. I just said it, dammit!

Branden Canepa I am afraid of being forgotten. That was really hard to say, but liberating!

R.  I am afraid of being too fat and being too thin. I am afraid of being too kind and being too mean. I am afraid of staying married and being single again. I am afraid of being incredible and falling flat on my face. I am afraid of becoming my father and never living up to the memory of my mom.

Not so long ago, a dear friend of mine took me through an incredible energetic soul retrieval. In this experience, I shed layers of sorrow and disappointment and I felt a strong, overwhelming beam of pure energy into my solar plexus – so much that I was pinned to the floor while my entire being became tingly. And what did I feel during this rush? Joy over this connection with the infinite divine? Eh, a smidge. Elation at the imminent newborn potential clearly being established within me? Sure, kinda. But mostly, I felt fear. Fear that this amazing feeling would leave me soon and I’d be back to plain old me. And to this, I say: FUCK IT. Fuck fear.

Sonia: I’m afraid to not suck every last juicy drop out of my life by not living to my fullest potential!!

Cherry I have been hated many times over in my life but I still fear hatred. I have been hated for being a woman, a dyke, smart, strong, and for things I have done or not done. I have hated myself. I most fear hatred and daily I build a force field of love against it. I let that hatred roll off. It isn’t mine. It cannot hurt me unless I decide to let it.

M.B. My fear, the one I’ve been fighting since I was bullied in 5th grade, is of being a strong, smart woman. I fight with my damn fear always. Most days I’m stronger than my fear and I win, but then, the pain of being ostracized, picked on, name called, and dehumanized and the years of behavior that were affected by that series of events come rolling back. And then I’m 12. And I have no friends. And I like being smart, but I don’t like being alone. And I cry. I cry everyday. So I have to hug my 12 year old self hard. Really, really hard. And I have to lift my face and my heart to the light and call my fear an ugly mean bastard. And I have to forgive myself all over again. And I tell myself out loud, while looking in the mirror: you are winning. And I say goodbye to my fear, but I know it never goes away. Not really.

Laura Mohr Badger I’m afraid of roller coasters. They terrify me! So, I guess I was afraid of living, of going through danger. Now, I ride one every day in a figurative sense. Just hang on and take it day to day. You can be afraid, just don’t STAY afraid.

Grissell Carron Understanding what “Fear” really is, was not easy. I never thought there was fear in my being until I started practicing Yoga. Through out my practice as a beginner, since I only started 5-4 months ago, I connected with my Spiritual Self and I learned much more about who I really am. »: )

I discovered how many of my choices in life were very safe because I was afraid to fail or to lose.

I was afraid to realize the reasons I couldnt let go of small details that in the large scheme of my life have held me for years… Then I realized for years I thought I was living the life I wanted but in reality I wasnt living to my full potential. I was only living with my choices not fully aware of why I wasnt happy, even though I had a great life. Mr. EGO had much to do with this.

 

Today I am learning to identify my struggles, my ego, my patterns. I know now there are no fairy tales, and that happiness is possible as long as I pay attention to make intelligent choices and open my heart to Love.

I fear not to be strong enough to follow this journey. I fear to not follow through in my weakest moments…but these are the moments when I go deepest into Yoga, it is what keeps me aware of my truth. ♥

Jennifer Nelson I’m afraid of failure and success, hate and love, pain and ecstasy, sadness and joy, loneliness and intimacy, ugliness and beauty, dis-ease and wellness. This is the dichotomy of the human spirit. We are all afraid, and the more we try to…

Jean Slattery I’m afraid I will never finish writing the book I started long ago- that the fear that I’m not a good enough writer or of what people would think of it will continue to keep me from putting pen to paper. I’m afraid I will keep putting road blocks up to distract me from the one thing I’ve always wanted to do-write!

Lindsey Bewick That ill never truly be happy. That no matter how hard I try it will never be enough. That I will never see life through the eyes of the person I was before anxiety and depression took hold. That the child with the intense curiosity and potential who did whatever she put her mind to and never knew any walls will forever be stuck in a pit just barely peering put at all the world has to offer. That is the fear I live with every day. And I despise it.

Jessica Trowbridge I’m afraid that I won’t be the best mom I can be for my kids. I’m afraid that they’ll look back when they’re older and hate me for some reason, something I could have done better. If a friend said this to me, I’d tell her that, even if she does mess up, they’ll forgive her and realize that she in only human. I was able to do that for my mother….but for some reason I can’t let go of these fears within my own mind.

Allison Paige Fussell I fear going through yoga teacher training all to find out that I ultimately prefer being a student than a teacher. My inner “glass half full” voice says, “What’s the down side? Are you really losing anything? If anything, you’ll intensify your practice! Just fucking do it!” My inner “glass half empty” voice says, “You’ll spend all this time and money to be back where you started. Don’t do it. In face, don’t do anything. Stay here with me where it’s safe.” I think we all know which voice is being honest with me — I love my “glass half full” voice! Still, I just can’t seem to commit.

Sara Schaffer the fucking fear of failing, fucking fear of worthlessness, fucking fear of being ugly, fucking fear of being fat, fucking fear of being disliked….FUCK 

Respect The Rays I fucking HATE fear…it’s such an obstacle, an enemy, a hater…and I do think outing our fears HAS TO help in some way. So, here are mine just for today… I feared going to my doc appointment this morning, I fear getting the results back from the doc, I fear not being smart enough, good enough, I fear never getting back to yoga, I fear having 2 kids in high school, I fear time’s speed, I fear getting back to routine, I fear my fears…I basically fear all things out of my control.

Nikki Murray: My biggest effing fear is dying of cancer and Leaving my daughter behind. So FUCK cancer.

Daniela Sabrina Taberné Death

By being vulnerable we connect. Isn’t connection what it’s all about?

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  • Reply Margaret Silva August 22, 2012 at 10:48 am

    I fear that I’m going to blink and be really old and have missed out on all the fabulousness of my life with my husband and kids. The fear that nagging to do homework, cleanup your rooms, stop watching tv, etc will be what is remembered and not the fun times at dinner, on vacations, at sporting events, and in our house. I also fear that my daughter will have a rough time in middle school b/c girls suck! Then I realize, this is life and everything in it! And my daughter is brave and smart and intelligent, and funny and beautiful and what doesn’t kill her will make her stronger! Just like her Auntie Marsh, Grandma JoJo, Abuela, and me.

  • Reply AP August 22, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    I’m afraid I’m going to get fat, I’m afraid I already am fat, I’m afraid I waste too much time thinking/worrying about getting fat, I’m afraid my daughters know I’m worried about getting fat. I’m afraid I’m not realizing my professional potential, whatever the hell that even means. I’m afraid of germs on doorknobs and keyboards. Of the mail, because it used to bring scary bills and collection notices. Of not being funny and interesting enough, of being way too funny sometimes, of being noticed, of not being noticed. And yeah, screw all of it! When I look at it all written out like that, I think, who gives a flying fuck about any of this stuff?

    • Reply ManifestYogaJen August 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm

      Yes! who gives a flying fuck. I love that expression.

  • Reply Stacey Brown-Downham August 24, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    I am afraid of my own body. Of the searing pain in my shoulder if strain it in any way, the one that signals the body-breaking migraine that lurks behind my iris that the time is ripe to attack. Of my digestive system that no longer recognizes food as familiar, that rejects as foreign invaders the very foods that I want to live on–wheat, dairy, yeast, onions, vanilla, beans, blueberries, red peppers–the list goes on and on. And I think, what the ____?!! How did I get here? I fear the lost days, the broken promises….but I won’t give up. One day I will be better.

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