I’m afraid of leaving a day job that I feel I’ve been in too long; afraid of making the leap into doing just what it is I’m passionate about…afraid that I will fail miserably at that leap and will be financially unstable. Afraid that I am a disappointment to the man that I love.
Jen, you are just so awesome! Thank you for liking my post today.
I am starting on my journey into the life of my dreams as an entrepreneur. My first formal week started Sunday and I am Scared Shit-less (a swear word in honor of you – smile) that I will not be able to do both my full-time job and my get blogging business – to the level I want and at the speed I want to grow it!
Other fear – keeping up my running, yoga, mediation and mothering. My partner and my son are waiting for me at the park now! Still have a run, yoga and meditation to do today! One thing at a time. Breath. Believe. Do.
Fear of having a baby, fear of not. Fear of having another miscarriage for the last two years. Fear of living in constant anger that a baby was ‘stolen’ from me. Fear has been running my life for two years and one month. I hear you, sister.
So, I am sitting here listening to these videos on my lap top with earphones in, while my 6 year old is playing next to me. She saw you talking and came over to me and said, what is that woman talking about? I said fear. She said, but you guys are grown ups-you aren’t supposed to be afraid. And there you have it. I am afraid of being afraid. I am afraid that I have lost control of my ability to parent properly. I am afraid that my marriage is going to disintegrate. I am afraid that I might have been put into a situation, with the move I made with my husband to Orlando, where I will never find myself again. I am afraid that my mental health is never going to get better or at least even out and that I will eventually be crazy in the true sense of the word. I am afraid that my little girl is so angry for no reason and I won’t be able to fix her. I am afraid that my 19 year has made so many bad decisions that she will never get herself out of the rut she is in and never succeed in her life. I am afraid that one day I will wake up and my husband will be laying dead beside me because he doesn’t take care of himself. Shit! I am a mess of fears and insecurities. It makes me mad because there was a time when I thought I was getting better.
Your video blogs and writing bring up so much shit for me. But shit I have to deal with to become a whole person. I feel like a work in progress like you said but my progress sometimes feels like it is diminishing, not getting better.
I’m terribly, terribly, terribly afraid of – people getting mad at me.
My father was very, very angry at me all my growing up. His anger meant business! I was severely beaten several times a week at least because he was so mad at me. I’m almost 60 years old now, but I’ve never been able to shake this fear.
9 Comments
Love this. I let go of my frear of not having brown hair and being myself in silver.
LOVE this video blog!! Seeing your smiling face ;)!! Courage is fear that said “Fuck it!!” The other F word!!!
I’m afraid of leaving a day job that I feel I’ve been in too long; afraid of making the leap into doing just what it is I’m passionate about…afraid that I will fail miserably at that leap and will be financially unstable. Afraid that I am a disappointment to the man that I love.
Jen, you are just so awesome! Thank you for liking my post today.
I am starting on my journey into the life of my dreams as an entrepreneur. My first formal week started Sunday and I am Scared Shit-less (a swear word in honor of you – smile) that I will not be able to do both my full-time job and my get blogging business – to the level I want and at the speed I want to grow it!
Other fear – keeping up my running, yoga, mediation and mothering. My partner and my son are waiting for me at the park now! Still have a run, yoga and meditation to do today! One thing at a time. Breath. Believe. Do.
With love, Amanda
Fear of having a baby, fear of not. Fear of having another miscarriage for the last two years. Fear of living in constant anger that a baby was ‘stolen’ from me. Fear has been running my life for two years and one month. I hear you, sister.
Reblogged this on Wholeheartedness and commented:
I hope you continue to vlog, Jen…
So, I am sitting here listening to these videos on my lap top with earphones in, while my 6 year old is playing next to me. She saw you talking and came over to me and said, what is that woman talking about? I said fear. She said, but you guys are grown ups-you aren’t supposed to be afraid. And there you have it. I am afraid of being afraid. I am afraid that I have lost control of my ability to parent properly. I am afraid that my marriage is going to disintegrate. I am afraid that I might have been put into a situation, with the move I made with my husband to Orlando, where I will never find myself again. I am afraid that my mental health is never going to get better or at least even out and that I will eventually be crazy in the true sense of the word. I am afraid that my little girl is so angry for no reason and I won’t be able to fix her. I am afraid that my 19 year has made so many bad decisions that she will never get herself out of the rut she is in and never succeed in her life. I am afraid that one day I will wake up and my husband will be laying dead beside me because he doesn’t take care of himself. Shit! I am a mess of fears and insecurities. It makes me mad because there was a time when I thought I was getting better.
Your video blogs and writing bring up so much shit for me. But shit I have to deal with to become a whole person. I feel like a work in progress like you said but my progress sometimes feels like it is diminishing, not getting better.
Reblogged this on Body Karma and commented:
I. LOVE. HER. SO. MUCH.
I’m terribly, terribly, terribly afraid of – people getting mad at me.
My father was very, very angry at me all my growing up. His anger meant business! I was severely beaten several times a week at least because he was so mad at me. I’m almost 60 years old now, but I’ve never been able to shake this fear.