Dear Self,

By Kimberly Valzania

Dear self
Dear 6 year old self
tell them what that 19 year old neighbor boy
did to you in the woods
how he kissed you on your little mouth and made
he made you pull down your pants
and he made you
and it only happened once
but once is all it takes
help them understand
why
why you wet your bed until you were 12
tell them why
why you couldn’t sleep
why you couldn’t just go to sleep
tell them you were scared
you were scared when you were 12 and
your period, it came
for the first time, tell them
how
how it wasn’t at all brilliant and
how you didn’t want to be a woman
but now you were
now you had no choice.

Dear self
dear 14 year old self
stop eating so much
aren’t you full
why aren’t you full yet?
where is it all going?
tell them now
tell them today
before 28 whole years pass by
pass you by
they won’t understand
but they will try
try everything they can
to help you,
they will
stop swallowing your shame
and
tell them.

Dear self
dear 21 year old self,
tell the truth, tell him
don’t jump in so fast
don’t be afraid to tell him
stop all this
all this making sure of
and taking care of
and hiding what you do
don’t have those babies yet
before you sort yourself out
don’t
just give it more time
and fix it
before time swallows you
before
before you make
you make so many mistakes
with her, your
little pitcher with big ears
just
just give yourself room.

Dear self
dear 32 year old self,
stop pretending
stop smiling through
stop acting all the time
aren’t you tired?
aren’t you tired of it yet?
you’re wearing your tired
it’s on you
they can see it
all of them can see it
just
just stop

Dear self,
dear 47 year old self
each day is new
each day has been created
created just for you
you’re challenged still
and your memories fade
but they won’t
go away
so
be brave
be brave, love,
just,
just hold your head high
and look them all in the eye
and just
just tell them
tell them now
you can, it’s okay
it’s always been okay,
dear love,
dear sweet girl,
dear self,

Just be brave.