Beating Fear with a Stick, Gratitude, Guest Posts, healing

Beating Fear With a Stick. Must Read of the Day.

January 24, 2013

With permission I am sharing this letter I just received. I will leave it anonymous. Please please reply in the comment section to this lovely person and let her know how NOT alone she is. How surrounded by love she is. How beautiful every single part of her is. Love you guys. Thank you for being a part of my Tribe. Thank you.

Hey Jennifer! 

 I don’t know if there really is truly a simple or even possible way to express the joy that I had in being in your Atlanta workshop. I will have to start with a simple…Thank You.

You asked how I found you and I think the real answer is…I ordered you into my life, as I am doing, but was not aware, I’ve always done, with all things in my life. I am building what I call, my own guidebook, navigating my soul, through this human experience, to continue to evolve. I’m asking for clear direction, not just change. I am “doing”, to try and get clear in my life, to find my calling,

“Why I am here? How should I serve? Why should I serve?” –my purpose. I don’t believe in the sort of atypical dictionary definition of coincidence: ‘A remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection.’ I rather think that, the coincidences show up in our lives as whispers, as jolts to remind us of where we are in our thoughts. Maybe it’s best defined as, “What you think about, you bring about in form, as ordered by ones thoughts and intentions”. In my definition of coincidence, it makes sense to me as to why I found you. I am a lover and believer of quotes, that words matter, that the intention behind the word is even greater. I am thankful that Karen Salmonsohn followed me one day on my twitter account, and that I returned the follow by finding her on Facebook, and then seeing a posting she made one day on Facebook about you, that brought me to you, and to meeting you in your beautiful, transformative workshop on January 20, 2013 in Georgia. 

I was hesitant and scared to begin, really begin the practice of Yoga, to let my breath out, to learn how to breathe, maybe for the first time. I knew from my past experience of 9 months of school to become a certified Massage Therapist, that bodywork can break a person open. It did for me, when I was in massage school. I left broken…broken completely open and apart, a shell of myself. I ended up in the hospital after attempting suicide while in school. This is much easier to write then it would ever be to be able to share in person, and only the close people in my life know of this happening in my life. I guess I trust you, which is kinda of crazy because I barely know you, but somehow, I felt you…I felt you this past Sunday!

We did an exercise in the early part of our teaching while in massage school that I will never forget. We went around the room placing the palms of our hands against another persons hands, while standing looking into the eyes of the other person, and saying the words, “I see you”. It started slowly, we began with standing for just a few seconds in front of the other person and then, with each person we moved to, the time we spent holding palms to palms increased. The instructor would say, “ok, move to the next person”. As the seconds built between each meeting, my comfort level built. I didn’t feel a connection with most, but there was one girl that I felt an immediate connection with, almost a peace, an utter knowing of safety and only good intention from, and I felt this jolt and feeling that she could see right through me. It was the first time in my life I knew what I was feeling, and that is was okay, yet I was also completely aware of what that would mean to be around her… I couldn’t hide my “shit”, as you might say ;), if I’m around her. This ALWAYS scares me to the core, and makes me feel a push and pull from this type of person. I’m intrigued by their knowing; however, frightened by what it may conger up in me and bring out of me, that could leave me vulnerable, not able to function, feeling too vulnerable and confused, not feeling grounded, open to another breakdown, that I may not be able to handle and recover from. Typically I just end up never interacting with such an individual that I feel this connection with because, they feel invasive to me, too curious about me, and that just kind of just freaks me out.

At the end of class, when I approached you to thank you, I felt you could see right through me. Just like the girl from massage school. When I broke down crying, once again, I knew I had to get out of there. It was too much. I felt all the women looking at me thinking, “Wow, she’s a real mess! I might have cried in class myself although, I can tell her crying is coming for a much more confused, complicated place. I wouldn’t want to become friends with that one with a ten foot pole. “

I knew that taking your class meant I would cry. I knew that taking your class meant people would see me broken again. I knew if I didn’t want that to happen, I would have to resist showing emotion as much as possible, which may also make me seem less open, but I may have to appear this way in order to protect myself from a breakdown. But, then of course, in truth… I also knew, that’s just not me, to able to completely hold back emotion when I feel someone might be ok with me showing it. And, so… it happened. I felt disconnected from myself, scared and embarrassed that I cried and was not in control of my feelings, when I stood and read my thoughts in front of everyone and, when I met you at the end of class. I felt like a failure, because to me, it was not just me crying, it was me showing that I was having another mini breakdown.

Sometimes I exist as just one big olde emotion always trying to act like I’m not, while complete torture and anxiety exists within. I am very self deprecating. I know its what keeps people not wanting to be my friend, along with being too complicated. I know as soon as women see this in me, they run.

Believe it or not, even with all my sharing and rambling right now, I have been hesitant and scared to write to you. I feel you might be “change” and I’m frightened what “the change” could mean and bring for me, if I can handle it, if it’s right for me. I shared a little about your workshop with my bestie today, and she is the one that said I just need to write to you…to try and see what it may bring. 

I am always a seeker, but I have moments when I just want to hide, turn inside of myself and not interact with anyone, not be seen, because I don’t feel worthy of being seen or heard. I’m so in and out of this right now. I’ve been lost for most, if not all, of my whole life. Stuck!!!! Especially since the time of the suicide attempt in. My main mantra in my head goes as follows: “I’m too ugly! My face with all of my acne scars is sooooo ugly. I did this to myself! Why??? I picked and still pick. I created this mess. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without gasping. What happened to me? I could have been beautiful. I’m not good enough! Why even try? I don’t know if I will be able to handle it, if what I am working on or was working on, takes off. I don’t know if anyone would ever like me or want me enough to really become a friend in my life, once they see all of me, other than the two real friends, not acquaintances, that I currently have. I am trying very hard, to make friends with women, but it’s been a struggle to turn acquaintances into friendships. I think they just see me as weird, confused, and too much trouble. I’m nothing, that’s why I should just let go.”

Then, there is the other side of me that says, “Hell no, don’t try and tell me who I am!!! If I want it, I can get it, but I have to know it’s what I really, really want in my life because, I will give it everything!!! Every part of me, my whole heart, all my energy, all my will. I always want to be the best at what I pursue, my OCD kicks in, and I seek perfection, which makes me vulnerable and open to become broken once again and, I don’t know if I will be able to, once again, pick myself up. Why am I so insecure? Why not me? Why do I see myself as always less than? Why do I feel I’m not worthy to be in any space that I am in? Why do I fear people? Why do I feel not worthy of being in any public place, as if everyone is looking at me saying, “Why are you here?” Fear, why so much fear?! How can I truly, for real….really understand and tackle this constant insecurity and fear, and know that I am ALWAYS enough, just as I am. Be comfortable with myself, love myself, and know because I am…I am worthy of all things.” I have had moments where I am lifted, where I feel loved, and know this and feel this for myself, and good things come in. I know it’s where I can be and need to be, it’s just hard to crawl out of the rabbit hole again, when it feels so familiar to just keep falling, since it’s what I know, where I feel protected…safe, yet completely unfulfilled and unhappy in this hole. The good thing is now, I’m trying to really hold on, to ask the right questions for myself, and find the answers that I am hoping will propel me forward, give me my life back, and help me to know and do my purpose. 

I’m not currently employed. I have a significant other of many years, who has been supportive of me, most of the time. In the times that he has not been supportive, he has every right to feel this way, my struggles are deep and profound, and they are way too much to ask of anyone to carry, or feel the need to carry and fix. We struggle a lot in our relationship together, and as of late, we are now coming to a crossroad, and things are clear that we are going to need to break-up, or change most ways we interact with one another & the directions in our lives, if we want to stay together. I feel like I’m barely functioning, once again in my life. I worked soooooooo hard to get out of this place, and now I’m fighting, to not completely sink in again, into the hole. There it is, my truth. I am doing and looking for answers, and your workshop definitely sparked more questions for me to ask and seek answers to for myself. Thank you again!! I felt privileged to be able to attend your workshop and be in the presence of like minded people, and to be able to meet the woman that inspires me with each and every word she writes. You have a gift!!! Don’t ever stop sharing! My wish for you…that you also take time for you. I know how draining it is to help and want to help so many. You deserve your time to refuel, to recenter, and connect to you, without the noise of what is swirling around you. I hope you have placed this time for yourself in your journey. You deserve every millisecond of it!! 

LOVE to you!!!

you-are-not-alone

You Might Also Like

29 Comments

  • Reply marika January 24, 2013 at 10:29 am

    Aht-Lo-Leh-VAHD- you are not alone. i am you. you are me. i see myself in you- the ominous breakdown that seems to indicate you are an effing mental case…. i know them well….. been fighting them my entire life bc has always felt like someone ripped the skin off the top of a newly formed blister….. so painful that I have tried to hide myself away from all of it, only to find that I hid myself away from the good too….. including the good inside of me until I no longer could identify with “that girl” anymore- i became those thoughts- that voice inside that has nothing but horrible things to say about you- that voice so stealth and sometimes sneaky- until you don’t even realize that you have been buying all the shit it tells you. the thing is- that voice isn’t you. it’s some construct of a psyche that we build in hopes of sheltering our true selves from the pain of life. you are not that voice. and you are not alone. Aht-Lo-Leh-VAHD
    G-d Bless you Beautiful one, whatever your name, scars and all. If we all were to show our deepest scars maybe we wouldn’t be scared anymore. thank you for sharing yours <3

  • Reply Mindy McCauley January 24, 2013 at 10:37 am

    Dear Anonymous: I just wanted to say that I was at the ATL workshop, too. I was at the very back corner of the room because I knew I would be an emotional wreck….and I was. I had more than one ugly cry but you probably didn’t see me because I was hiding in the back! You are sooooo not alone. We may all have faced different challenges and have different burdens we are carrying, but we are all seeking the same things at the core and that binds us together. The camaraderie and support I felt in that room has buoyed me up in an amazing way; I felt like we could have lit up Las Vegas with all the positive energy in there…and I still feel it all these days later. I hope you felt that too and please know that I am sending you love and light and prayers and I hope that will buoy you up too, even if just in some small way. I think we were able to release such powerful emotions b/c we all created such a safe space together and I think that sense of support can reach way beyond just that one time and place. I hope you feel the support I am sending you. Love and hugs from a friend. xoxo

  • Reply Jenny January 24, 2013 at 10:41 am

    Whoever wrote that needs to know she is not alone. I could have wrote that myself …but I don’t think anyone would believe me if I told the that I have those same thoughts. I hide it because I hate that weak part of me. I hate it. And so I pretend it’s not there. That’s prolly why I feel anxious…because I feel one way and act another way. Most people I know think I’m the most confident and secure person. I am not. It’s an act. This person is not alone. Xoxo

  • Reply Leigh Banks Jeffress January 24, 2013 at 10:49 am

    I read this, but don’t know how to comment. So deep, so real, so honest. I recognize myself in every bit of this writing, but I am not so honest, not to myself and certainly not to anyone else. The best I can say is thank you for sharing this. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and we needed to hear this. I will be your friend <3

  • Reply Josie Lee January 24, 2013 at 10:50 am

    Dear Beautiful Soul~

    If I could I would wrap my arms so tight around you & tell you just how brave and NOT ALONE you are I would without any hesitation. YOU are a beautiful soul….someone that is loved beyond measure….a gift for all of us. You shared your darkest moments and deepest fears. You allowed us “to see you”. Almost every word you wrote is something I have felt & experienced in my lifetime here as well. There is a reason why we seek & why, we too, hide. It’s the way of this Tribe. I offer you this: think like the tide. Allow things to come and then to go. Just like the tide. Surf only what feels right.Hop on the waves you believe are “your waves” Ride only that which serves you…the waves that make you stronger & empower all that lies inside of you. Allow all of that other stuff to just go out….just like the tide. Let it come and let it go. Let this be your breath.Thank you for sharing your story. YOU really are loved beyond measure….this I know for certain!!!!!!

    Namaste~
    Josie

  • Reply B Mayer January 24, 2013 at 10:57 am

    YANA. After years of “Beating Fear With a Stick” (love this phrase!!) I know a few things for sure. One is every sane person has fear; but few are willing to admit it. The second is absence of fear is not courage–absence of fear is psychopathy. Third, courage is taking action despite one’s fears.

    Sometimes my stick is ready, sometimes it takes me a long time to find it after losing it. Thank you for helping continue looking for my stick today.

  • Reply happilyyes January 24, 2013 at 10:57 am

    I was in the Atlanta workshop with you, and do you know what I thought? You stood up there, in front of everyone, and despite the fact that you felt vulnerable and open and scared, you did not back down. It was one of the greatest acts of courage I have ever witnessed, and I can feel tears spring into my eyes as I remember that moment. What you did was such an amazing breakthrough, full of power and beauty.

    You are not alone, but that does not invalidate your pain. Feel it, release it. Know that it does not define you, just as it did not define you the other day. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to be real in front of us. I felt honored to be there with you.

    Much love to you.

    • Reply FORM } yoga January 24, 2013 at 11:33 am

      Yes Janet, exactly! We were all sharing that pain with you right in that moment. Thank you.

  • Reply yogirookie January 24, 2013 at 11:05 am

    Anonymous, Look at this amazing letter you wrote. Hope vulnerable and open you are being! You are not alone. We all struggle, we all feel pain and fear. I think we are our own worst enemy. And the questions I ask myself when I feel my demons breathing down my neck is why? Why? Why do I feel like I don’t deserve anything? Why do I beat myself up alllll the time? It’s definitely not an easy thing to change from believing you are your own worst enemy to KNOWING you are your very bestest friend, but asking questions like you are doing helps, reaching out like you are doing helps, breaking down and crying like you are doing helps. Look at this beautiful letter you wrote! Many don’t have the guts to reach out! I was in the Atlanta workshop and I didn’t see one person I did not want to connect and be friends with! I loved each and everyone of you and I love each and every one of you still!!!

    You are not alone! You are amazing, beautiful and strong! Believe it! Please believe it! You are motherfucking light sender!

  • Reply FORM } yoga January 24, 2013 at 11:07 am

    Sweet Shining Light- I too was in attendance at the workshop and let me assure you we were all there for a reason. Sometimes we are hiders and at other times we are seekers; thus is the dance of life. The ebb and flow, the light the dark, it resides within each of us all the time. I call it Beauty. Thank you for sharing your beauty, your story, your struggles.
    Each time we open ourselves up to this Beauty we have an opportunity to explore the depths of connection within ourselves and with others. Much love to you in keeping your voice.
    Your Friend, Mandy

  • Reply Carla January 24, 2013 at 11:08 am

    Not only is she not alone. I too could have written that letter. Yet nobody who ever sees me or interacts with me would ever know the depths of despair and pain I experience daily. It is so hard to drag yourself up each rung of the ladder towards the light. Sometimes I wish I had been born vacuous and unconscious- satisfied with superficialities…but I have to believe that there is a reason for all I have endured and that someday I will have a gift to share with someone else in pain, as this woman has shared her gift with us all. May the Universe bless her and you.

  • Reply Debbie January 24, 2013 at 11:09 am

    Dear Anonymous, I hope you read this comment and know that you are not alone. I connected to this letter so deeply. Again, you are NOT alone. What you have shared is so similar to my current inner life, and not many people know this. I have all but abandoned a ten year yoga practice because I am so afraid of breaking open. I can barely handle my emotions alone, let alone in a room full of people, especially after quieting my mind long enough to let the truth of what is inside me come to the surface. Being a sensitive soul is amazing stuff when we are kind to ourselves; it is sheer torture when the tides get rough. I ask you to take a deep breath, as I am doing right now, and tell yourself that it is going to be okay. It isn’t going to be easy, but it will be ok. And maybe, little by little, day by day with the help of knowing there are others like us, we can begin to let go of the struggle and be.

  • Reply Tim VanDerKamp January 24, 2013 at 11:10 am

    As I read this it makes me so sad. Sad somewhere deep inside. To know that someone is out there harboring such deep seated pain. And also to know that these feelings are probably no different than 98% of people I walk past or talk to every day. Full of fear, dread, a feeling of uselessness and inadequacy. What a horrible condition it can be to be human.

    It doesn’t do any good to tell someone they are “enough” if they don’t believe that they are. People told me my entire life about all my “potential” and it used to drive me deeper into depression. It increased my feelings of worthlessness rather than decreasing it. We can’t be “cheered” into feeling better. At least not for very long.

    And the sad part is, what we are searching for, we are searching with. We are not missing anything. We are not missing a single thing we need to conduct the business of living our lives. But we can’t see it. We are like this huge perfect magnet and we have dragged our magnet through the junk yard of life until we are this huge unrecognizable ball of shit and metal and we reach a place where you can’t even tell what might have been under there.

    And there is only one way I have found to pry that junk off… and that is to start prying. One piece of scrap metal at a time. Expose the surface layer of crap to the light… our immediate fears, our shortcomings, our poor daily habits that keep us stuck. Surface junk. Start there. Tell someone about it, and then tell EVERYONE about it. The more light we expose it to, the faster it loses power and falls away.

    But this is just practice. Pry of the easy stuff first, but at least then maybe a ray of light comes through…..through from the inside, not from the outside. Our light shines OUT, not in. So we get a small beam of light coming through. Then expose a larger piece or two to the light. Or if you feel brave maybe go all out. What are you most ashamed of? These are the big pieces… things we fear will kill us if they are known… the biggest hunks of metal crap attached to us.

    Most of us get stopped there…at the surface. Let me assure you after over a decade in AA…. nothing under the sun is unique…one in three women have reported being sexually abused (that’s reported)… one in five men have reported being sexually abused… probably more like 1 in 3 actually have. Many people have had sex with family members or members of the same sex. Many people have stolen things outright or padded expense accounts, which is also stealing. A lot of parents have not been great parents to their children. Many, many, many of people have witnessed something happening to someone else that they “feel” they could have/should have stopped but just didn’t know how and feel the never ending stab of shame that comes with it.

    Oddly enough, when these things finally are exposed by sharing them with someone else… these things just lose their power. They don’t kill us, they just wither and die on the vine. What’s more, we find out that we are not unique, we are not that bad, and are hardly any different from the people right next door, they’ve just gotten better at concealing their scars than we have.

    In fact, show me a “normal” person… anyone every met one? I haven’t. Once you scratch the surface you’ll find that just about everyone is screwed up like hogans goat.

    Do whatever it takes. Get therapy. Shout your mis-deeds from the rooftops so EVERYONE knows… you’ll see they lose their power over you.

    For me, I’ve gone to therapy, I have a connection with a God that makes sense to me, and now I have experienced the ultimate homecoming to Yoga…. the place where i met ME – capital Me – for the first time.

    God’s speed to everyone. We are only as sick as our secrets. Tell someone. Tell everyone. Shit, post it on facebook…. and then laugh at yourself as you see how many people have done the same things. None of us are unique, and most of us are dying of terminal uniqueness.

    The God in me bows to the God in you.

  • Reply Tim VanDerKamp January 24, 2013 at 11:12 am

    As I read this it makes me so sad. Sad somewhere deep inside. To know that someone is out there harboring such deep seated pain. And also to know that these feelings are probably no different than 98% of people I walk past or talk to every day. Full of fear, dread, a feeling of uselessness and inadequacy. What a horrible condition it can be to be human.

    It doesn’t do any good to tell someone they are “enough” if they don’t believe that they are. People told me my entire life about all my “potential” and it used to drive me deeper into depression. It increased my feelings of worthlessness rather than decreasing it. We can’t be “cheered” into feeling better. At least not for very long.

    And the sad part is, what we are searching for, we are searching with. We are not missing anything. We are not missing a single thing we need to conduct the business of living our lives. But we can’t see it. We are like this huge perfect magnet and we have dragged our magnet through the junk yard of life until we are this huge unrecognizable ball of shit and metal and we reach a place where you can’t even tell what might have been under there.

    And there is only one way I have found to pry that junk off… and that is to start prying. One piece of scrap metal at a time. Expose the surface layer of crap to the light… our immediate fears, our shortcomings, our poor daily habits that keep us stuck. Surface junk. Start there. Tell someone about it, and then tell EVERYONE about it. The more light we expose it to, the faster it loses power and falls away.

    But this is just practice. Pry of the easy stuff first, but at least then maybe a ray of light comes through…..through from the inside, not from the outside. Our light shines OUT, not in. So we get a small beam of light coming through. Then expose a larger piece or two to the light. Or if you feel brave maybe go all out. What are you most ashamed of? These are the big pieces… things we fear will kill us if they are known… the biggest hunks of metal crap attached to us.

    Most of us get stopped there…at the surface. Let me assure you after over a decade in AA…. nothing under the sun is unique…one in three women have reported being sexually abused (that’s reported)… one in five men have reported being sexually abused… probably more like 1 in 3 actually have. Many people have had sex with family members or members of the same sex. Many people have stolen things outright or padded expense accounts, which is also stealing. A lot of parents have not been great parents to their children. Many, many, many of people have witnessed something happening to someone else that they “feel” they could have/should have stopped but just didn’t know how and feel the never ending stab of shame that comes with it.

    Oddly enough, when these things finally are exposed by sharing them with someone else… these things just lose their power. They don’t kill us, they just wither and die on the vine. What’s more, we find out that we are not unique, we are not that bad, and are hardly any different from the people right next door, they’ve just gotten better at concealing their scars than we have.

    In fact, show me a “normal” person… anyone every met one? I haven’t. Once you scratch the surface you’ll find that just about everyone is screwed up like hogans goat.

    Do whatever it takes. Get therapy. Shout your mis-deeds from the rooftops so EVERYONE knows… you’ll see they lose their power over you.

    For me, I’ve gone to therapy, I have a connection with a God that makes sense to me, and now I have experienced the ultimate homecoming to Yoga…. the place where i met ME – capital Me – for the first time.

    God’s speed to everyone. We are only as sick as our secrets. Tell someone. Tell everyone. Shit, post it on facebook…. and then laugh at yourself as you see how many people have done the same things. None of us are unique, and most of us are dying of terminal uniqueness.

    The God in me bows to the God in you.

  • Reply Dawn T. January 24, 2013 at 11:16 am

    You are absolutely not alone. To look at me you would not know the mind struggles I have had most of my 42 years. Not me!..Successful…seemingly confident! Suicidal thoughts and attempts (in the past Thank God!), body image problems, feelings of being in a pit of depression, wanting to sleep all the time, not feeling my opinion was worthy. Wondering if I was crazy. Feeling stupid, because, why am I crying, why am I feeling this way when I have such a “good life”. One thing I have learned and continue to learn is to acknowledge and validate how I am feeling at any given time…this helps me get out of my head. Sometimes 40 times a day I ask myself “how am I feeling?” Am I feeling anxious am I feeling sad, whatever the case may be, and I acknowledge that I am feeling that way, without asking the “why”. Because I can’t care about the why, that will take me down a road of despair I’ve been many times and I will beat myself up for feeling that way…it’s a vicious cycle. What I ask myself is “now, how do I want to feel (in this moment)? Then I TRY to let it go to the Universe..sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but it is something I try every day. So please know that you are not alone there are so many of us out here pretending that all is well. My wish is that we all start opening up to each other so that we can comfort and support one another. You and I have never met, but know that I am looking at your heart and your spirit and enveloping you with all the love and support that I can. I send you peace and joy. Never give up, keep trying every day, every minute, every second, and when you do feel bad, don’t come down too hard on yourself. But please know we are out here thinking of you and lifting you up. 🙂

  • Reply Susan January 24, 2013 at 11:24 am

    You are so not alone! We all have those thoughts at times. I would like to suggest you read some of Brene Brown’s books, especially her book “I Thought it was Just Me (But it Isn’t)”. Great book on shame and vulnerability and how every single one of us has those feelings. She shares the stories of numerous women and their struggles and how they were really able to connect and heal when they shared their stories and feelings of shame, unworthiness, etc. Really a life transforming book. She is also on Facebook and Twitter and has an awesome video on vulnerability on TED. Best of luck on your journey and I know you will get there! Love and hugs!

  • Reply Jean January 24, 2013 at 11:52 am

    Dear wonderful lady,

    Do you realize how much your honesty and compassion help the rest of us? Let those two characteristics help you and guide you on your journey.

    You are not alone. Somehow, even from a distance, we all hold each other up.

    God bless you!

  • Reply cz January 24, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    thank you.

    Two small words…sent with very big LOVE.

    I have not been able to stop crying today reading these comments. I still have shame and embarrassment to overcome. I thought I left it behind, but it’s there, clear as day. I am working on turning it into self-love, no regrets, and empowerment.

    I cannot tell you how moved, surprised, and in love I am with each and every word that has been posted regarding my letter. It was unexpected that Jennifer wanted to post my letter, and equally unexpected that anyone would comment. I am trying to feel worthy of all the love that was sent by complete strangers. I find it easy to see the awe and wonders in others, and I find it natural to freely send love to many with sincerity and intention. However, accepting love from others, is very difficult for me.

    I thank you for being so kind, open, and caring enough to want to even comment. Your stories will help me to see, feel, and know, that I am not alone, that I am worthy, just as I am, of whatever I want to bring into my life.

    Much love to you all!!!

    • Reply marika January 24, 2013 at 1:15 pm

      Exposing yourself takes so much courage and you have a lions share just for writing these things and making it ok for the rest of us. we all feel the very same things you describe feeling about yourself and when you share that- it is a freedom for not only you- but the readers who identify those same things in themselves but are too scared to acknowledge… you gave all of us freedom to be ok with who we are today- flaws and all- and that is an amazing gift. and as you can see, when you let your true self begin to surface- your light begins to shine……..those that see the light in you recognize it, and in turn are able to recognize it in themselves. this is the beginning of freedom. and that feeling waxes and wanes, but when you start to lose your bearings again- let it echo in your ear- you are not alone <3 Aht-Lo-Leh-VAHD <3

    • Reply Katie D January 24, 2013 at 1:21 pm

      You are not alone. I see you. I choose to see you. I want to see you. What I saw in Atlanta was not your tears but your courage. Not your imperfections, just your beauty.

      You, your honesty, your writing, are an inspiration. There are many, myself included, who breathe a sigh of relief because reading this makes us ALL feel less alone. Thank you. Keep reaching out and the support and love will be there. You 1000% deserve it. xx

  • Reply IntheNow January 24, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    thank you.

  • Reply barbarapotter January 24, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    There are times in some of our lives where things seem hopeless and we feel so along and lost but have faith as the light will shine and the first step is recognizing this and the beauty in yourself and you will one day be in that light and will only look back as the dark as once was. Love to you.

  • Reply givehugsdotorg January 24, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    Dear One,

    Thank you for opening and sharing your beautiful heart, I hear you.
    Thank you for diving deep within yourself to truly feel it all, I feel you.
    Thank you for being open and willing to see the truth, I see you.

    And you are Beautiful.
    And I love you.
    And I am you.

    Thank you for giving me this gift to feel our Oneness.

    Hugging you with all my heart,
    Tiff

  • Reply Denise Bruso January 24, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    Dear Sweet Loving Soul,

    You ARE treasured by those who feel your positive energy…YES, POSITIVE energy…It takes positive energy to admit what we think of as faults and COURAGE to face them…You seem to have done both!…This world we live in has becme so disfunctional to the point that many of us, like you feel we are damaged or different because we have a purity of heart that shines amid the darkness that shrouds our world…I applaude you courage and honesty of feeling as they are the tools that WILL set your spirit free…You are not allone in your feelings as many have expressed here…You have just given many of us a voice for what we also have felt or are feeling in this moment…PLEASE know that you HAVE made a difference and have comforted us with your words…In my eyes you ARE an ANGEL!….From my heart I thank you for taking the risk and for being REAL…You are NOT alone and at this moment ARE deeply loved and appreciated for being YOU!

    From my heart to yours,
    Denise

  • Reply writeryogi January 25, 2013 at 9:09 am

    I have no words for you. You are brave for being so open and honest with your struggles. What I give to you is my presence. My wishes of good will, and my hands to hold.

  • Reply Miss Crabby Ass January 25, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    […] Beating Fear With a Stick. Must Read of the Day. (manifestationyoga.com) […]

  • Reply Sarah Ellis January 25, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    Your words are so brave and beautiful. I am so proud of you. I was at the Atlanta workshop as well and let me say, I felt just as broken. I cried. I stopped. I cried again. I looked around and thought “what the hell am I doing here?” I was so afraid to even come to the workshop. I could barely even send the email to Jen to ask if she had any cancellations! Seriously, fear clogs me up some days.

    But something happened that night that I will never forget and I will carry with me forever. As my mind was freaking out with its insecurities and fears, my body was slowly letting go. If felt like time stopped at one point. Like my whole life had been leading up to just that moment. I began to set my fears aside, one by one. All of the stupid shit excuses I gave myself all the time began to matter less and less. You’re too fat. You’re not smart enough. You’re not perfect enough. Blah. Blah. Once I left that all on the mat, along with plenty of tears, I finally saw that I was surrounded by a group of amazing women. I’ve been raving about all of you to everyone I meet. I consider everyone in the Atlanta tribe my friend. I would not have it any other way.

    So no, you are not alone. You will never be alone again. And when you feel the darkness has consumed you, do not fear. I will be here. I will be here waiting to send my light to you. We will shine together until you are ready again to shine on your own.

  • Reply CariM228 November 23, 2014 at 8:00 am

    Just now reading this and thinking I wrote it myself….. Wowser. I really am not alone. Although it seems I am, very deeply sometimes, I am not. Neither are you. I don’t know you from Eve, but you have helped the light in me grow a little brighter today. Namaste, dear one.

  • Leave a Reply

    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

    %d bloggers like this: