In August 2023, I had money from my big-girl job to get a new tattoo. The urge was out of the blue, and it was booked and completed within a week of me sending the email for a consultation. The idea came from an Instagram post that I saw on my feed, it spoke to me and I just had to have it (with minor alterations). The artwork was the Tree of Life, made into a dreamcatcher with feathers dangling underneath. I owned many articles of clothing and jewelry with the Tree of Life on it, it’s always been a symbol that I admired.
I showed up for my appointment and my tattoo artist went over their design to make sure I was okay with the minor alterations. I have always put my full trust into my artist, so I gave her the green light to do whatever she thought would look best. She altered the beads at the bottom, shaded/colored the feathers a little differently, and used a slightly different Tree of Life stencil than the reference photo. I absolutely loved the way the tattoo came out – I left the shop that day extremely satisfied.
Flash forward about 8-9 months later, April or May 2024. The Samsung Galaxy Note that I possessed for about 7 years was finally running out of memory space. My first thought was, “Oh, maybe I can go through and delete a bunch of videos and photos and try to get more time with this phone.” That didn’t work, I’m too sentimental with photo memories and I had to buy a new phone. But, I did try. I went to the beginning of my photos and worked my way back to present day.
My life when I first bought the Galaxy Note was a complete 180 to the current life I was living – it was extremely overwhelming to go back to those memories but humbling to see how far I’d come. The first photos were from back in 2017, when I was extremely overweight (over 200lbs at only 5’1) and in an abusive and toxic relationship with someone. The first time I tried to go through my phone to delete things, I had to stop and come back to it because the emotions were too strong. It took me over 5 years to leave and overcome that part of my life – it was the hardest decision and action I had ever taken, but it has since been the most rewarding and it saved my life. I lost all of the weight, found love for myself, and landed a career that I had only ever dreamed of having. I so badly wanted to forget those terrible years.
When I made my second attempt at clearing space on my phone, I found a screenshot that I took on October 23, 2017 from Tumblr. It was a picture of a Tree of Life tattoo on someone’s arm. This photo took me back in time, I could remember where I was when I saw it for the first time and could feel every emotion as clear as day that this picture brought. Again, I was in an extremely poor position at this point in my life. I couldn’t afford tattoos – I could hardly even afford groceries. But, I would close my eyes and imagine myself with this tattoo and knew that some day I would be able to have something like that. Some day I would make enough money to afford groceries and tattoos. Some day I would make it out of the hell that I was living in.
I looked at the Tree of Life tattoo on my arm, and then at the Tree of Life screenshot on my phone, and felt so proud of myself. I got out of the toxic environment and created a new life – I even got myself a Tree of Life tattoo – I finally made it.
I looked at the tattoo on my arm again, and then at the screenshot on my phone – wait a minute.
The Tree of Life tattoo on my arm that I got in 2023 was the same exact stencil from the screenshot on my phone from 2017 – I never showed my tattoo artist this picture. The reference photo (and only photo) I showed my artist had a different tree.
My tattoo artist gave me the tattoo that I so desperately wanted 6 years prior in 2017 – I manifested it.
My tattoo had a completely different meaning when I first got it – now, it’s a permanent symbol for the extremely hard season of my life that I went through. I so badly wanted to forget those terrible years, but I’ve learned that it’s important to not forget the seasons you’ve been through, and to learn and grow as you go.
“Every branch tells a story and every leaf is a whisper of the past – grow your roots deep and you will weather every storm that may pass.”
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